Category: Uncategorized

  • Another Toddler Experience

    Another Toddler Experience

    I hope parents learn from their toddlers. I learn from Ivy all the time. Here is a simple example.

    Today we were all sitting on the couch. Sage was cradled in my left arm. Beth was sitting to my right with Ivy in her lap. Bengie, our aging dog, was between us.

    Ivy was doing peaceful mother-daughter stuff with Beth. Seemed boring to me. Plus, I was getting bored with what I was doing on my computer. So I reached over and poked Ivy. It was intended to be a tickle, normally Ivy’s favorite. But in that moment of peace, she did NOT like it. She scowled at me and turned away.

    I apologized for an improper time to play. Ivy and Beth continued to peacefully interact.

    A few minutes later, Ivy reached out and smacked Bengie. He understandably got annoyed by this intrusion on his peace and snapped back. This upset Ivy. Wanting to utilize a learning opportunity, I said to Ivy, “Ivy, don’t smack Bengie if you don’t want him to do that. He’s just laying there and you bothered him.” I continued, “How would you feel if I did that to you?…”

    Oh.

    I realized what I was saying. I had just done that to her. It was just moments later that she did the same thing to Bengie. I was close to missing that simple and obvious realization.

    I put my hand on Ivy’s head and said, “That’s probably why you did that to Bengie, huh?”

    A learning experience.

    I’m not sure how much Ivy learned from it, but I did. I was reminded that Ivy is watching, replicating, repeating, and behaving in the ways she sees me act. When she disrupts Bengie’s peace, well, I’d just disrupted her peace. When she loses her temper, she’s seen me lose my temper. When she gets upset, she’s seen me get upset.

    Obviously, Ivy is her own person and has her own emotions and actions. But it’s amazing to see how much she copies me. If she does something I’m disappointed in, it’s beneficial for me as a parent to stop and wonder, “is this something she learned from me?”

    I fear sometimes that parents don’t take enough responsibility for how we mold our children. Again, toddlers get angry and frustrated and do completely irrational things that they aren’t copying from us. But sometimes, a lot of the time, their behavior can be traced directly to something they saw us do.

    When we realize this, our every movement, word, and reaction around our children becomes something important.

  • The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    Having a newborn is pretty difficult. Understatement? The challenges are diverse and wide-ranging. I don’t believe this is a coincidence.

    As Beth and I were driving to the hospital for her to bring a baby into the world – we prayed.

    As we waited to get checked into the hospital – I prayed.

    As we sat in our first room and Beth’s pain started to increase – I prayed harder.

    As we were moved into the delivery room and the miracle began – I prayed constantly.

    As I held my new daughter – I prayed, holding back tears of gratitude.

    As we took the new member of our family to our hospital room – I prayed.

    As we struggled to stay awake and care for her new needs – I prayed.

    As we drove home – I prayed.

    As we started the first weeks of no sleep, stress, anxiety, and responsibility. As we tried to feed Sage, as we changed her multiple times throughout the night, as we walked around bleary eyed, as she slept on my chest, as she cried in my arms – I pray constantly for help and strength.

    As Beth becomes a zombie from lack of sleep – I pray.

    As I fall asleep holding Sage – I pray.

    As Ivy adjusts to a new sister, the responsibility, and the change to her little world – I pray for her.

    As Beth works to breastfeed every 3 hours and continues not to sleep – I pray for her.

    As I go back to work, Beth having extreme trepidation – I pray, and I assure her it will be ok.

    We’re being looked after.

    As Beth texts me, “You must have said a good prayer for us for today. I can’t believe I feel as good as I do right now.” – I pray with so much gratitude.

    I know we’re being looked after.

    Having and bringing home a newborn is stressful and a momentous responsibility. I don’t think that is a coincidence. I think it’s meant to remind us how much we need Him. I’m grateful for how difficult it is to bring a new baby home because it brings me closer to my Heavenly Father. I have to rely on Him, because I know my strength is nothing, and I know I can’t do it without Him.

    I’m grateful for these challenges because they remind me how much I need Him.

    I’m grateful to know He is there.

    I’m grateful to know we are watched over.

  • Republican

    Republican

    Ahead of the 2020 presidential election, I listened to an amazing, interesting, and intriguing podcast. This podcast hypothesized what would happen if Donald Trump lost the 2020 election and refused to give up the presidency. The podcast didn’t just hypothesize, they did a full-on war game.

    For those who don’t know, a war game is a military tactic to simulate an armed conflict between two sides. One general will make a decision – where troops go, where to attack, etc. and someone else plays the enemy, making counter moves. You attack here, I move my troops there.

    That is what this podcast did. It was described as “a political choose your own adventure.” So there were multiple teams: a Biden campaign team, a Trump campaign team, GOP elected officials team, Democratic elected officials team, a media team, and so on. The teams were presented with a scenerio and then they watched the teams respond. A literal political war game.

    What’s crazy is, I did some Google searching and couldn’t find the podcast. Why? Because no matter what I search, it comes up with a real result. For example –

    “Podcast about experiment if Trump didn’t give up 2020 presidency.”

    “Podcast about if Trump refused to give up the presidency in 2020.”

    These searches come up with REAL RESULTS. Does anyone realize how crazy that is?

    This podcast went through four scenarios. The one that they focused on was what would happen if the 2020 election results were ambiguous? In any close race there becomes some level of amiguous results.

    Do you know how some of those experiments ended? Protestors in the street. Everything short of civil war. The podcast noted that they had to cut some of their scenerios short because things got out of hand so quickly and the participants started to become unnerved at what they were learning.

    When I listened to that podcast originally, no joke, my first thought was, “oh this is how democracy in America collapses. Trump is going to refuse to accept election results and we’re going to have a civil war.”

    How close we came. I don’t think the average American knows how close we came to our democratic system falling apart. If not for a courageous decision by Mike Pence to defend democracy, that’s where we were headed. Mike Pence ended up getting death threats by members of his own party for that decision.

    Let me pause real quick. You probably think, after reading thus far, where my allegiances lie in politics, or even who I voted for in 2020. You’re wrong. That’s all I’m going to say. My own wife doesn’t even know who I voted for in 2020. Well, she “knows,” but I’ve never said it. She can guess. My point is, I’ve had to take a look at some things I value.

    When Putin invaded Ukraine and Donald Trump talked about how it was a smart move, that’s when I had to rethink some things, personally. It was a one-off statement. Except if you take into account January 6th and Donald Trump’s apparent feelings about power, it becomes a much bigger statement.

    Here’s the thing.

    What if the election was rigged? What if those sneaky Democrats, and the media, and blah blah blah conspiracy. Look, I’m right there with you on conspiracies. Ask my wife, I’m all about conspiracies. It annoys her. Maybe those dirty Democrats did rig the election to destroy our country. Whatever. I say whatever not to make light of our country being “destroyed.” I don’t mean to make light of politics and the seriousness of say, a legitimately rigged election, like what happens in Russia. I say whatever to lead into this –

    What if the election was rigged?

    Then every election was rigged. Why did the Democrats rig the 2020 presidential election but not the congressional one?

    Don’t send me all this evidence about voter fraud and blah blah blah. I’m sorry, stop it. Enough.

    If the election was rigged, then it just all falls apart. Then there is no democracy, there is no voting, there is no America. There is only insurrection. There is vying for power. There is civil war.

    That’s where we’re headed when we deny election results. Period.

    Maybe you believe your candidate got screwed out of the election. Maybe he really did.

    What happens if Trump wins 2024? Are results accepted then?

    What happens if he loses 2024? Does he accept those results? (Answer to that seems obvious).

    Are we, Republicans, going to support the path to civil war? Are you that big of a supporter of Donald Trump? What has he done to earn this devout loyalty of yours?

    Can we all just shake our heads and get out of this spell for a second? Donald Trump is not the Republican party. When did that happen? When did it become the party of Donald Trump? It’s so crazy to me to take a step back and look at sometimes. How did we get here?

    I’m a firm believer in Republican values, policies, ideologies. But are those ideologies worth ending democracy? Worth civil war?

    I don’t think so.

    Specifically in Arizona, we just finished a primary where the Republican nominee for governor claimed the election was rigged… even after she won.

    When I lose a game in pickup basketball, I don’t argue fraud. I don’t go back and reconsider the process of a pickup basketball game, and call fouls that previously happened. When I start a pickup basketball game, I agree to the unspoken rules of a pickup basketball game. I agree that we call our own fouls and if my team ends up with less points at the end of the game, then our team is off the court.

    A similar analogy applies to teenage boys playing video games. Teenage boys go into a video game prepared to cry that they were cheated or that the game wasn’t fair. “How did he no scope me!? I shot him ten times and he didn’t die!” I’m out of touch with teenagers, hip lingo, and video games, so “the kids” might be saying some other phrase nowadays. Teenage boys are consistent though, that they don’t lose, they get cheated.

    I know these aren’t perfect analogies. But I still believe it illustrates an important point.

    Our Republican candidates are already decrying fraud and a corrupt election even before it starts. They’re going into a pickup game saying the game is rigged. They’re prepared, when they lose, to call fouls after the fact. This isn’t how it works. When did the Republican party become teenage boys, crying about a rigged game before it even starts?

    This, in my opinion, is wholly unacceptable. You’re playing the game; you’ve agreed to the rules. Don’t run if you’re going to refuse to accept results that don’t favor you. Can you imagine that person in pickup basketball? Every time they lose, they refuse to get off the court and claim they actually won? That person would be immediately ostracized and removed from the game. Nobody would put up with that. Why do we put up with it in politics? It’s unacceptable. Lose with dignity. If the results come back and a candidate is unhappy with the result, say the words, “I lost, I concede.”

    That’s it. There is no other way.

    Well, maybe there is another way, in their minds: insurrection, force, civil war. I don’t want representatives representing me who claim fraud even if results favor them, akin to teenage boys.

    I know this will be very polarizing for some to ready. Surprisingly, it might have been polarizing to me a few months ago. By all means, I would love to have a candid discussion about this with anyone. Thoughts welcome. I would love to hear from those who support Donald Trump above all else. For example, I know the analogy of don’t play pickup basketball if you can’t play by the rules will have some say, “well then we just don’t run for office, or try? We just give over our values to the other party?” I know it’s not a perfect analogy. But what I’m saying is this:

    If you go down this rabbit hole of conspiracy, fraud, and rigged elections, then America as we know it is over. That’s it. Then it will be rioting in the streets, open warfare, civil war. If that’s what you believe needs to happen, if you’re that opposed to the other party’s ideologies and the risk of them winning an election, then ok, burn the whole thing to the ground. I disagree. But on that one, we’ll definitely have to agree to disagree.

    I HATE writing about politics. But I had to share my thoughts on this. Donald Trump still hasn’t accepted 2020’s election results. What happens when he denies 2024’s? Or, what happens when he wins 2024, but doesn’t want to be done in 2028 after serving 2 terms? If you can refuse to accept you lost an election, would it really be that shocking to refuse to only serve two terms?

    Then Donald Trump gets, potentially, his wish. He becomes Vladimir Putin.

    I don’t know about you, but that’s a scary thought, to me.

    P.S. It helped creatively to say I couldn’t Google search that podcast. Of course, I could go through my phone and find the played podcast. It’s a podcast called “Radiolab.” It is an episode titled “What if?” from October 22, 2020. Definitely go listen to it.

  • Sage Laura Quackenbush 9/3/22

    Sage Laura Quackenbush 9/3/22

    I’ve long anticipated this moment. I didn’t know what it would be like to have my heart split into another section. I talked about when Ivy was born, how my world flipped upside down. I’ve heard that the feeling of having a second child is incommensurable. How can you describe loving two things so much?

    Sage Laura

    I’ll be honest, when Sage was born, it wasn’t what I expected.

    The love for Sage, compared with my love for Ivy – it is different, and yet so the same. This isn’t a contradiction but, I think, a profound truth. I can’t help but think of Ivy as I look at Sage. I love them both so much. I see a glimpse of how Heavenly Father can feel.

    I can imagine how my Heavenly Father can see me and love me so much. And as He sees me, He thinks about my mom and my dad, my siblings, my wife, my children. When I look at Sage, I’m reminded how much I love Ivy, and vice versa. It is a welding link of love. This doesn’t diminish the love at all. It expands it.

    It’s the best I can put into words what having a second daughter was like.

    My love for Beth expands in these moments too.

    I couldn’t understand how I could love Beth more, or how I could love someone like I loved Ivy. I couldn’t imagine how my heart could split in three. But now I realize, it’s not splitting. It’s expanding. And with it, my understanding of Heavenly Father is expanding. I understand that His heart and love can’t possibly split for all of us. It expands for all of us. That’s how He can be the definition of love, He has so much to love. His heart has expanded beyond our comprehension. This is what I realized when I looked at Sage. My heart expanded a proportionate amount to how it expanded when Ivy came into my life.

    3 girls

    I got to speak to Ivy today. I pointed at her and told her, “You’re my girl, and I love you so much. And guess what? I have three girls!” Ivy’s eyes got wide, one of my favorite things she does. I continued, “I have Sage, and I have your mom, 3 girls! One Ivy, two Sage, three Mom. I love you all so much, my three girls.”

    It’s a phenomenal feeling. Any feeling that helps me to understand Heavenly Father more is amazing and special to me.

    I’ll be interested to read my 12/4/20 Ivy post after writing this to see how they compare. Right now, I am full of gratitude. Sometimes I can’t believe that God has given us this gift, His most powerful gift. He has trusted me to take care of His daughters while here. They become my daughters, but always His as well. This brings me so much comfort. I want my daughters to know that they’re never alone. I am always here for them, and so is their Father in Heaven. They’ll never be without a dad.

    I went back and re-read that post of Ivy’s birth. There are some things I wrote about Ivy that, if Sage ever looks back and reads this, I want her to know apply to her also. My two girls.

    From that post –

    “When I first saw Ivy James Quackenbush my heart expanded, my world flipped upside down. In an instant I realized I would do anything, I would give my life without a second thought and at a moment’s notice for that beautiful soul. She was perfect, so beautiful.

    I wish I could put it into words, but they’re not enough. My life as I knew it was over. And I knew it. This little thing was the new center. The center of my universe- along with Beth. (Now I have three centers to my universe).

    I couldn’t stop staring at Ivy. The gravitational pull of the universe had changed.

    Sage

    The thoughts I hadn’t let start because her coming had always been surreal started to flood my mind: I’m going to play basketball with her. I hope she loves basketball. We’ll play together. We’ll be best friends. I hope I never hurt her. I hope I can always protect her. (Now they’re my two best friends. Ivy is my MVP and Sage is my DPOY).

    How does Heavenly Father love me? I’m a little closer to understanding today. I’m a little closer to understanding what true love is.”

    I’ve realized something else now that Sage jas been with us 5 days. Yes, my world flipped upside down when I saw each of them. Yes, the gravitational pull was palpable. But what really develops that love into a bond truly unbreakable is the countless hours laying on my chest, the first grin that I get to see, the hours of bouncing and burping, the feeding, the watching them grow. I think this is why the motherhood bond is so powerful. Mothers often get more of these experiences than fathers, unfortunately. It is these moments that unite us to our children for eternity. These are the favorite moments of my life. When Sage lays on my chest and instantly falls asleep, I’m reminded I’ll do anything for her. I’m reminded how much I love her.

    I love my family so much.

  • Be Ye Therefore Perfect

    Be Ye Therefore Perfect

    There is a message recently brought to my attention in Matthew chapters 5-7. We all know the sermon on the mount. Don’t just not kill, also don’t even be angry. Don’t just not commit adultery, don’t even lust. Be ye therefore perfect.

    What comes next though? I haven’t before considered how the next chapters lead to a great message, a culmination of how we should behave and how we should try to be.

    What does the Sermon on the Mount transition into? What is the theme of chapter 6?

    Matthew 6:1 –

    “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.”

    Matthew 6:20 –

    “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.”

    Matthew 6:38 (JST) –

    “Wherefore, seek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness”

    Matthew 6 is all about our motives. In chapter 5 you seek to be perfect by your behavior. Chapter 6 asks, “why are you seeking to be perfect?” Is it for the glory of the world? Is it for more temporal possessions and blessings? Chapter 6 looks at your heart and asks your intention. We should want to be perfect because we love God and we love others. We should want to be perfect because it’s right. Perfection shouldn’t be about us or what it does for us. We should want to be perfect because Christ was perfect, perfect love, and our example. Chapter 6 tells us to look heavenward in all things.

    Which leads us to chapter 7. What does chapter 7 teach us?

    The message of chapter 7 is summed up by verse 1 (JST) –

    “Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged; but judge righteous judgement.”

    You’ve worked hard to fix your bad habits, to be loving, to treat others as you want to be treated. You’ve then addressed why you’re doing these things. Your heart is pure, you love others because it’s the right thing to do you. You look heavenward. Chapter 7 is about understanding that not everyone is at the same point on their own journey to perfection. Just because someone is working along their path, and in your mortal eyes may seem to be “behind” you, they’re not. Judge not others. They’re working their way down the path of perfection just as you are.

    That said, we still judge others righteously. Righteous judgement is loving judgement.

    Matthew 7:9 (JST) –

    “Go ye into the world, saying unto all, Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come nigh unto you.”

    D&C 6:9 –

    “Say nothing but repentance unto this generation.”

    D&C 15:6 –

    “the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people.”

    D&C 16:6 –

    “the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people.”

    D&C 14:8 –

    “And it shall come to pass, that if you shall ask the Father in my name, in faith believing, you shall receive the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance, that you may stand as a witness of the things of which you shall both hear and see, and also that you may declare repentance unto this generation.”

    What Christ’s apostles at the meridian of time were told to preach was the same thing those who were instrumental in the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ were told to preach. It’s the same thing we’re supposed to preach today.

    Repentance.

    That’s what brings us and those around us closer to Christ.

    So, work on yourself first, Matthew chapter 5. Work on your motives second, Matthew chapter 6. Then, preach repentance to those on a different part of the path than you. Preach repentance with love and understanding. Never forgetting that you’re on the path too, trying to be your best. That’s all we can ask of each other. Do your best.

    From the book 40 Years And Marching On, an article by John W. Welch (p. 228) he says:

    “First is the acknowledgment that all people are at different stages in the eternal journey toward the glory of God, which is intelligence.”

    This is the message of the Sermon on the Mount. It’s not a one-part lesson, it’s 3 parts. Be perfect – be perfect for the right reasons – accept that others are not perfect (yet).