No Coincidences

Category: Uncategorized

  • Vulnerable

    Vulnerable

    I listened to a self-love, guided meditation this morning. I was guided to picture myself as a young boy. The prompt was to say comforting words to that young boy. May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. Each of these was followed with the guidance to remember a time I felt those things. “Remember a time you felt safe.”

    As I pictured that young boy in my mind, using old pictures and old family home videos to conjure up what I looked like, a deep emotion came over me. I started to cry.

    As I picture that young boy, and as I picture myself today, I see my father, my dad. What pressures did he feel raising 6 kids, working, going to school, and trying to keep it all together?

    I worry. I fear. I doubt. I pray daily that I can have patience and comfort in God’s plan. I am so blessed. Being blessed doesn’t always make this life easy. This life is challenging. It’s meant to be.

    I don’t think we talk often enough about the pressures of fatherhood. There are now two lives that completely depend on me for everything: Food, water, home, toys. (Of course, Beth is here too and I in no way mean to take away from motherhood).

    I have a family that relies on me to provide. There is a level of pressure that comes along with this that isn’t discussed often enough.

    I love this video:

    It perfectly captures fatherhood.

    I feel happy, safe, healthy, and loved because of what a Father (God) has always provided for me, and for much of my life a father has provided for me.

    I know we should be able to talk about it, the pressures, but dads don’t. We walk around with a burden and a pressure. It sometimes feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Little lives depend on us. We work, trying to provide a life for our children. We come home and we continue to work. We are horses, we are friends, we are disciplinarians, we are a lot.

    If you have a father in your life that seems like he has it all together, if you see a father around you that seems stressed, if you interact with a father that seems angry, if you have a father in your life that seems frustrated, if you see a father that seems like he’s carrying a heavy burden that he can’t share with anyone: he probably is. Hug that man. Fathers need more hugs. Not hugs of pity but hugs of sympathy, hugs of appreciation, hugs of understanding. Understanding that this world is stressful. This life is hard. This life can be scary. And sometimes, as a father, you feel you’re the one battling back those realizations and experiences for your kids for as many moments as you possibly can. That is a difficult task. Because one day your children will learn what you have learned. That life can be hard and scary. You protect them from it as long as you can, but one day they will know.

    As a father, knowing that day will one day come for your little, precious gifts can pull your heart, stretch it in a nearly painful way. And you can realize how your (Heavenly) Father feels, watching us grow in sometimes painful ways.

    I know that fatherhood is important. I know that it’s hard. I know that it’s rewarding.

    I know I have a Father that allows me these experiences so I can grow. I know I have a father here that did so much for me while I grew to my own realization that life is hard. I was sheltered for so long. And I owe that to loving parents here, and there.

    I am grateful to them for that.

  • The Eyes of God

    The Eyes of God

    I don’t think anything makes me feel closer to God than staring into the eyes of my babies. I’ve written about it before HERE. I don’t remember this specifically with Ivy, though I’m sure it happened. But with Sage I’ve stared into her eyes and it’s the most outstanding, humbling feeling.

    What did I do to deserve this gift?

    As I hold Sage and she begins to drift off into sleep, while comfortably in my arms, I wonder what I did to deserve so much trust. She is so comfortable in my arms, so content, so peaceful, so trusting. Why does she trust me? What did I do to earn that trust?

    Nothing.

    Or maybe everything.

    I don’t know how Sage, Ivy, and I interacted before coming here. Before coming to earth were we best friends, running around, shooting hoops, reading books, taking walks? Maybe I did earn that trust.

    What did I do to earn the trust of God, to send His daughters to me?

    As I stare into Sage’s eyes, I see the eyes of God.

    She is His daughter. She is of His lineage. She is a princess, not of me, but of Him. And as I stare into her eyes, I think that’s the overwhelming, outstanding, humbling feeling I get, that I described above. It’s looking into the eyes of God.

  • Another Toddler Experience

    Another Toddler Experience

    I hope parents learn from their toddlers. I learn from Ivy all the time. Here is a simple example.

    Today we were all sitting on the couch. Sage was cradled in my left arm. Beth was sitting to my right with Ivy in her lap. Bengie, our aging dog, was between us.

    Ivy was doing peaceful mother-daughter stuff with Beth. Seemed boring to me. Plus, I was getting bored with what I was doing on my computer. So I reached over and poked Ivy. It was intended to be a tickle, normally Ivy’s favorite. But in that moment of peace, she did NOT like it. She scowled at me and turned away.

    I apologized for an improper time to play. Ivy and Beth continued to peacefully interact.

    A few minutes later, Ivy reached out and smacked Bengie. He understandably got annoyed by this intrusion on his peace and snapped back. This upset Ivy. Wanting to utilize a learning opportunity, I said to Ivy, “Ivy, don’t smack Bengie if you don’t want him to do that. He’s just laying there and you bothered him.” I continued, “How would you feel if I did that to you?…”

    Oh.

    I realized what I was saying. I had just done that to her. It was just moments later that she did the same thing to Bengie. I was close to missing that simple and obvious realization.

    I put my hand on Ivy’s head and said, “That’s probably why you did that to Bengie, huh?”

    A learning experience.

    I’m not sure how much Ivy learned from it, but I did. I was reminded that Ivy is watching, replicating, repeating, and behaving in the ways she sees me act. When she disrupts Bengie’s peace, well, I’d just disrupted her peace. When she loses her temper, she’s seen me lose my temper. When she gets upset, she’s seen me get upset.

    Obviously, Ivy is her own person and has her own emotions and actions. But it’s amazing to see how much she copies me. If she does something I’m disappointed in, it’s beneficial for me as a parent to stop and wonder, “is this something she learned from me?”

    I fear sometimes that parents don’t take enough responsibility for how we mold our children. Again, toddlers get angry and frustrated and do completely irrational things that they aren’t copying from us. But sometimes, a lot of the time, their behavior can be traced directly to something they saw us do.

    When we realize this, our every movement, word, and reaction around our children becomes something important.

  • The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    Having a newborn is pretty difficult. Understatement? The challenges are diverse and wide-ranging. I don’t believe this is a coincidence.

    As Beth and I were driving to the hospital for her to bring a baby into the world – we prayed.

    As we waited to get checked into the hospital – I prayed.

    As we sat in our first room and Beth’s pain started to increase – I prayed harder.

    As we were moved into the delivery room and the miracle began – I prayed constantly.

    As I held my new daughter – I prayed, holding back tears of gratitude.

    As we took the new member of our family to our hospital room – I prayed.

    As we struggled to stay awake and care for her new needs – I prayed.

    As we drove home – I prayed.

    As we started the first weeks of no sleep, stress, anxiety, and responsibility. As we tried to feed Sage, as we changed her multiple times throughout the night, as we walked around bleary eyed, as she slept on my chest, as she cried in my arms – I pray constantly for help and strength.

    As Beth becomes a zombie from lack of sleep – I pray.

    As I fall asleep holding Sage – I pray.

    As Ivy adjusts to a new sister, the responsibility, and the change to her little world – I pray for her.

    As Beth works to breastfeed every 3 hours and continues not to sleep – I pray for her.

    As I go back to work, Beth having extreme trepidation – I pray, and I assure her it will be ok.

    We’re being looked after.

    As Beth texts me, “You must have said a good prayer for us for today. I can’t believe I feel as good as I do right now.” – I pray with so much gratitude.

    I know we’re being looked after.

    Having and bringing home a newborn is stressful and a momentous responsibility. I don’t think that is a coincidence. I think it’s meant to remind us how much we need Him. I’m grateful for how difficult it is to bring a new baby home because it brings me closer to my Heavenly Father. I have to rely on Him, because I know my strength is nothing, and I know I can’t do it without Him.

    I’m grateful for these challenges because they remind me how much I need Him.

    I’m grateful to know He is there.

    I’m grateful to know we are watched over.

    • Republican

      Republican

      Ahead of the 2020 presidential election, I listened to an amazing, interesting, and intriguing podcast. This podcast hypothesized what would happen if Donald Trump lost the 2020 election and refused to give up the presidency. The podcast didn’t just hypothesize, they did a full-on war game.

      For those who don’t know, a war game is a military tactic to simulate an armed conflict between two sides. One general will make a decision – where troops go, where to attack, etc. and someone else plays the enemy, making counter moves. You attack here, I move my troops there.

      That is what this podcast did. It was described as “a political choose your own adventure.” So there were multiple teams: a Biden campaign team, a Trump campaign team, GOP elected officials team, Democratic elected officials team, a media team, and so on. The teams were presented with a scenerio and then they watched the teams respond. A literal political war game.

      What’s crazy is, I did some Google searching and couldn’t find the podcast. Why? Because no matter what I search, it comes up with a real result. For example –

      “Podcast about experiment if Trump didn’t give up 2020 presidency.”

      “Podcast about if Trump refused to give up the presidency in 2020.”

      These searches come up with REAL RESULTS. Does anyone realize how crazy that is?

      This podcast went through four scenarios. The one that they focused on was what would happen if the 2020 election results were ambiguous? In any close race there becomes some level of amiguous results.

      Do you know how some of those experiments ended? Protestors in the street. Everything short of civil war. The podcast noted that they had to cut some of their scenerios short because things got out of hand so quickly and the participants started to become unnerved at what they were learning.

      When I listened to that podcast originally, no joke, my first thought was, “oh this is how democracy in America collapses. Trump is going to refuse to accept election results and we’re going to have a civil war.”

      How close we came. I don’t think the average American knows how close we came to our democratic system falling apart. If not for a courageous decision by Mike Pence to defend democracy, that’s where we were headed. Mike Pence ended up getting death threats by members of his own party for that decision.

      Let me pause real quick. You probably think, after reading thus far, where my allegiances lie in politics, or even who I voted for in 2020. You’re wrong. That’s all I’m going to say. My own wife doesn’t even know who I voted for in 2020. Well, she “knows,” but I’ve never said it. She can guess. My point is, I’ve had to take a look at some things I value.

      When Putin invaded Ukraine and Donald Trump talked about how it was a smart move, that’s when I had to rethink some things, personally. It was a one-off statement. Except if you take into account January 6th and Donald Trump’s apparent feelings about power, it becomes a much bigger statement.

      Here’s the thing.

      What if the election was rigged? What if those sneaky Democrats, and the media, and blah blah blah conspiracy. Look, I’m right there with you on conspiracies. Ask my wife, I’m all about conspiracies. It annoys her. Maybe those dirty Democrats did rig the election to destroy our country. Whatever. I say whatever not to make light of our country being “destroyed.” I don’t mean to make light of politics and the seriousness of say, a legitimately rigged election, like what happens in Russia. I say whatever to lead into this –

      What if the election was rigged?

      Then every election was rigged. Why did the Democrats rig the 2020 presidential election but not the congressional one?

      Don’t send me all this evidence about voter fraud and blah blah blah. I’m sorry, stop it. Enough.

      If the election was rigged, then it just all falls apart. Then there is no democracy, there is no voting, there is no America. There is only insurrection. There is vying for power. There is civil war.

      That’s where we’re headed when we deny election results. Period.

      Maybe you believe your candidate got screwed out of the election. Maybe he really did.

      What happens if Trump wins 2024? Are results accepted then?

      What happens if he loses 2024? Does he accept those results? (Answer to that seems obvious).

      Are we, Republicans, going to support the path to civil war? Are you that big of a supporter of Donald Trump? What has he done to earn this devout loyalty of yours?

      Can we all just shake our heads and get out of this spell for a second? Donald Trump is not the Republican party. When did that happen? When did it become the party of Donald Trump? It’s so crazy to me to take a step back and look at sometimes. How did we get here?

      I’m a firm believer in Republican values, policies, ideologies. But are those ideologies worth ending democracy? Worth civil war?

      I don’t think so.

      Specifically in Arizona, we just finished a primary where the Republican nominee for governor claimed the election was rigged… even after she won.

      When I lose a game in pickup basketball, I don’t argue fraud. I don’t go back and reconsider the process of a pickup basketball game, and call fouls that previously happened. When I start a pickup basketball game, I agree to the unspoken rules of a pickup basketball game. I agree that we call our own fouls and if my team ends up with less points at the end of the game, then our team is off the court.

      A similar analogy applies to teenage boys playing video games. Teenage boys go into a video game prepared to cry that they were cheated or that the game wasn’t fair. “How did he no scope me!? I shot him ten times and he didn’t die!” I’m out of touch with teenagers, hip lingo, and video games, so “the kids” might be saying some other phrase nowadays. Teenage boys are consistent though, that they don’t lose, they get cheated.

      I know these aren’t perfect analogies. But I still believe it illustrates an important point.

      Our Republican candidates are already decrying fraud and a corrupt election even before it starts. They’re going into a pickup game saying the game is rigged. They’re prepared, when they lose, to call fouls after the fact. This isn’t how it works. When did the Republican party become teenage boys, crying about a rigged game before it even starts?

      This, in my opinion, is wholly unacceptable. You’re playing the game; you’ve agreed to the rules. Don’t run if you’re going to refuse to accept results that don’t favor you. Can you imagine that person in pickup basketball? Every time they lose, they refuse to get off the court and claim they actually won? That person would be immediately ostracized and removed from the game. Nobody would put up with that. Why do we put up with it in politics? It’s unacceptable. Lose with dignity. If the results come back and a candidate is unhappy with the result, say the words, “I lost, I concede.”

      That’s it. There is no other way.

      Well, maybe there is another way, in their minds: insurrection, force, civil war. I don’t want representatives representing me who claim fraud even if results favor them, akin to teenage boys.

      I know this will be very polarizing for some to ready. Surprisingly, it might have been polarizing to me a few months ago. By all means, I would love to have a candid discussion about this with anyone. Thoughts welcome. I would love to hear from those who support Donald Trump above all else. For example, I know the analogy of don’t play pickup basketball if you can’t play by the rules will have some say, “well then we just don’t run for office, or try? We just give over our values to the other party?” I know it’s not a perfect analogy. But what I’m saying is this:

      If you go down this rabbit hole of conspiracy, fraud, and rigged elections, then America as we know it is over. That’s it. Then it will be rioting in the streets, open warfare, civil war. If that’s what you believe needs to happen, if you’re that opposed to the other party’s ideologies and the risk of them winning an election, then ok, burn the whole thing to the ground. I disagree. But on that one, we’ll definitely have to agree to disagree.

      I HATE writing about politics. But I had to share my thoughts on this. Donald Trump still hasn’t accepted 2020’s election results. What happens when he denies 2024’s? Or, what happens when he wins 2024, but doesn’t want to be done in 2028 after serving 2 terms? If you can refuse to accept you lost an election, would it really be that shocking to refuse to only serve two terms?

      Then Donald Trump gets, potentially, his wish. He becomes Vladimir Putin.

      I don’t know about you, but that’s a scary thought, to me.

      P.S. It helped creatively to say I couldn’t Google search that podcast. Of course, I could go through my phone and find the played podcast. It’s a podcast called “Radiolab.” It is an episode titled “What if?” from October 22, 2020. Definitely go listen to it.