No Coincidences

Tag: children

  • Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    I want to share a story that just happened to me.

    I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know what happened. That’s why I’m writing it. Maybe writing it down will help me to understand.

    It’s 1/2/25 at 9:00 in the morning. It’s my first day back at work in something like 2 weeks. I’m driving to a client’s office. I’m listening to a podcast called Y Religion. They’re discussing 50 relics of the restoration; 50 items from the time the gospel of Jesus Christ was being restored.

    They mention a microphone used by Spencer W. Kimball. I love Spencer W. Kimball. He is one of my favorite prophets.

    As I’m writing this, I’m remembering what they talked about before this microphone. What they talked about before this microphone was the original manuscript of Jesus the Christ written by James E. Talmage. They emphasized that the writing of Jesus the Christ, one of the most impactful books of my life, was inspired by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attempting to re-emphasize its focus on what is most important: Jesus Christ.

    The podcasters said sometimes the culture needs to be reminded of what our most important focus is.

    I wondered if the Church needs that reminder again today.

    I remember thinking that President Russell M. Nelson, a prophet today, is trying.

    They talked about the microphone. Brad Wilcox, the provider of one of my all-time favorite talks/speeches/dissertations (His Grace is Sufficient) started talking about Spencer W. Kimball. He shared a story from when he was on his mission and for the first time would hear a radio broadcast of General Conference. Back in those days, certain countries only got Conference in written word months after Conference completed. Brad Wilcox as a young missionary was disappointed when the radio turned on and he realized it was just a translator. Of course it was a translator. The message needed to be broadcast to this particular area in Spanish.

    Then, he said, Spencer W. Kimball came on the radio with his telltale, well-known scratchy voice. The small group of saints asked Brad, “Who is that????”

    He replied, and as he told the story he choked up, “That is the prophet of God.”

    On the podcast, they then started to discuss the sacrifice that Spencer Kimball went through – losing his vocal cords and continuing to preach, speak regularly, and guide God’s church.

    I thought about that sacrifice.

    What have we gone through?

    Have we lost our vocal cords and then been asked to continue to preach?

    I thought about that sacrifice. I thought about that prophet of God. I thought about that voice.

    And while I was driving in the car, I was crying. I didn’t even know I was crying. I didn’t know why I was crying. I still don’t know why I was crying.

    I started thinking about why I was crying.

    They talked about the kindness of Spencer W. Kimball and how losing his vocal cords made him so gentle, so empathetic to the suffering of others.

    I thought about my current calling as Elders Quorum President.

    I thought about how much I fall short in that calling.

    I thought about telling my quorum that I’m a bad ministering brother. But I try. And asking them, who are also bad ministering brothers, to also try.

    I thought about all the suffering I’ve learned about in our ward since becoming president. I thought about all the loneliness and sickness and illness and suffering and heartache.

    I thought about my daughters.

    I thought about the client I was about to see and some of the personal things he had told me about his family when he invited me to a Suns game once.

    I thought about the suffering of his family.

    I thought about all the suffering my daughters would have to endure in this life.

    And I asked why.

    And I cried harder.

    And I reminded myself of why.

    We know the why. Luckily, I know the why. I’ve written about it here a hundred times.

    And then I pulled up to a light. And I looked directly at a homeless man. And I thought about giving him a dollar. And I wondered if the light was going to change. And I thought about how I didn’t want him to have to limp over to me for a dollar. Then he started to limp over to me. And I let him pass. And I let him walk back by me. And I wondered if he had a drug addiction.

    And I thought about all the suffering in the world.

    And I cried.

    I wrote this. And I still don’t know quite what it means.

    I know the world is going to get a lot harder and there’s going to be a lot of suffering.

    And I’m going to ask why, despite knowing the answer.

    And I realize that sometimes knowing why will make it easier, maybe even help, and sometimes, maybe it won’t.

    And I worry about my daughters.

    And I worry about this world.

    And I worry about all the lost and lonely people.

    And I wonder why.

    And I want Jesus Christ to come back so it can stop. I want to help. But my efforts seem so small and fruitless. I’m a bad ministering brother and a bad Elders Quorum President and I wonder, I can’t possibly be who God needs in this position now.

    And I feel so small.

    And I just want Christ to come back and fix it all.

    But I know before that happens this all has to get a lot harder. It has to get so much harder.

    And I worry.

    And I have faith.

    And I wonder if my faith is enough.

    And I cry.

    So I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, hoping the client can’t tell that I’ve been crying. And I go about my day, always with why in the back of my mind.

  • Be like Little Children

    Be like Little Children

    There is a Neil deGrasse Tyson video that I watched early on in my parenting journey that has helped me ever since. In the video, Tyson points out that when a child makes a mess, or destroys something, or does something seemingly with the only purpose being to drive a parent insane, they’re really just experimenting. Everything around a child is new to them. When a child throws their plate off the table for the tenth time, they’re doing their tenth experiment to see how that plate flies, where it lands, and how the food splatters.

    Children aren’t trying to make a mess. They’re trying to experiment. When you realize this fact you can also realize that being too harsh on a child making a mess sometimes discourages them from experimentation that can help their mind grow.

    It goes without saying that sometimes you need to draw the line: some experiments can be dangerous, and that eleventh plate throw doesn’t necessarily need to happen.

    I couldn’t find the exact Neil deGrasse Tyson video I saw those years ago, but these three videos share similar messages that I believe are extremely beneficial for parents to see, especially new parents.

    1 – The puddle

    2 – The egg and kids as scientists

    3 – Clean house

    “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).

    I think about this scripture often. There are so many traits of children. Which ones were Jesus Christ primarily referring to?

    Humility.

    Kindness.

    Trust.

    Faith.

    Joy.

    Enthusiasm.

    Curiosity.

    Forgiving.

    Energetic.

    I read this quote recently:

    “Your child is endlessly curious — maybe you’ll learn something, too. Your child is so enthusiastic — maybe some of that energy will rub off on you. Your child is forgiving — no matter what happens today, you can count on a 3-year-old to start tomorrow with a fresh outlook and ready smile. Your child sees the world with wonder.”

    I think that quote sums up what Christ meant when He said we should be like children.

    Curious.

    Enthusiastic.

    Forgiving.

    Fresh outlook.

    Ready smile.

    Wonder.

    In the midst of being a parent – the chaos of day-to-day life – sometimes it’s easy to forget the miracle that children are. I’m glad I have my kids to look at every day and see the wonder, the ready smiles, the fresh outlooks. The forgiveness, the enthusiasm, and the curiosity.

    As I sit here finishing writing this and Sage slowly walks around a coffee table with a little toy motorcycle, and sees me looking at her, and excitedly holds up the motorcycle and says “Look Daddy!” And Ivy, pretending to be Luna Lovegood, brings me, Harry Potter, a new “project” of French fries and dominos on a paper plate, and happily gives it to me, I’m reminded that I need to be a little more childlike today.

    I’ll put this away now so I can go be a child with my girls.

  • Wisdom of Tolkien

    Wisdom of Tolkien

    ****Disclaimer before reading this post. Of course I have the greatest family and Beth. The world wasn’t completely lonely. My world has always been amazing. I thank God daily for that, and don’t know what I did to deserve it. I love my family and I love Beth. I’ve been so blessed. But that didn’t fit into the point of this post. So, I’m putting this disclaimer before writing.

    Tolkien inspires a lot of thoughts in me. His writing is flush with eternal truths.

    I’m reading The Book of Lost Tales Part 1 (I wrote this in 2022, I’m now on book 5).

    This book includes the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien that were never put to print in his lifetime. His son has since edited and published the writings.

    In this book, the tale of the coming of the Eldar, or the elves, is told. The Valar (Gods of Earth) had been on the earth for an untold amount of time. They knew one day the children of Ilúvatar (the one God, their creator) would come one day. That day finally came. This is how it is described in the book:

    “Then shouted all the people of Valinor: “I-Eldar tulier – the Eldar have come” – and it was not until that hour that the Gods knew that their joy had contained a flaw, or that they had waited in hunger for its completion, but now they knew that the world had been an empty place beset with loneliness having no children for her own.”

    That is precisely how I feel about Ivy and Sage. What was the world before them? It was a lonely place. What did I do before them? Play basketball and video games? What was life?

    It wasn’t until they came that I truly understood what mattered. I’ve written about my world flipping upside down before. That passage from The Book of Lost Tales Part 1 describes it perfectly.

    What was the earth before my children?

    An empty place.

  • The Ten Virgins and Parenting

    The Ten Virgins and Parenting

    Ivy was recently watching a child’s video before church on Sunday.

    In the video, ten children were standing outside waiting for a bus to take them on a field trip. The children were going to a zoo and the ten children each listed what animal they were excited to see.

    In the animated video, 5 of the children were holding lunch sacks. The other 5 children were empty-handed. The 5 children with lunch sacks asked the 5 children without lunch sacks where their lunches were. The 5 children without lunch sacks had been busy playing and hadn’t prepared their lunches.

    The 5 children without lunch sacks said it would be fine. They said they would go make their lunches. But at that moment the bus pulled up.

    You know the story.

    I’m not going to reiterate the parable of the ten virgins here. What I’m going to do is elaborate on what this particular video made me think about with this parable.

    In this video, the children were irresponsible and didn’t prepare for their field trip and therefore would go hungry on their field trip. This is consistent with the traditional ten virgins story.

    What this representation made me think of, as many things do now, is of parenting. I looked at those 5 children without lunch sacks as young children, let’s go with kindergarten. As I watched, it was my opinion that it wasn’t fully those kindergarteners’ responsibility to prepare their lunch. It was likely their parents who didn’t prepare a lunch for them to take to the field trip. As my mind expounded upon this thought, I thought of all the reasons parents might not prepare a lunch for their children. Reasons include not having enough money to pack their child a lunch, not having enough time due to a busy work schedule, not being organized enough to remember to prepare their child a lunch, forgetting because a million other things are going on, or simply not caring enough to pack their child a lunch.

    I felt bad for those 5 children. It wasn’t their fault they didn’t have sack lunches. They were not prepared because their parents didn’t prepare them.

    As a kid who literally went on some field trips without lunch, I could sympathize with these children (love you Mom and Dad).

    You get this isn’t about sack lunches right?

    It is the responsibility of parents to prepare our children for the second coming of Jesus Christ. Just writing that, I realize most people mock the very idea. This is why we go to church. This is why we study scriptures as a family. This is why I read Ivy and Sage Bible and Book of Mormon stories. This is why we pray before every dinner and before bedtime. This is why I take Ivy with me to church meetings and to visit members of the ward.

    I’m grateful I was prepared with a spiritual sack lunch as I was raised. Even if my parents don’t think they prepared my sack lunch with enough sustenance, it was prepared. I was given the preparation, and I hope, despite all the shortcomings I’ll demonstrate in raising my girls, that my girls have a lunch with them on their field trip of life.

    I’d like to briefly go over those reasons parents don’t prepare their children.

    1 – Not having enough money to pack their child a lunch – this represents not having enough resources themselves. The church and those around you will make up the difference. Try.

    2 – Not having enough time due to a busy work schedule – I get being busy, I get it as much as anyone. We must make time for the most important things. We are preparing ourselves and our children to survive in a turbulent world and the world to come. NOTHING is more important.

    3 – Not being organized enough to remember to prepare their child a lunch – this one hits home hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m not organized enough and can’t give my children, my ward members, my family, and everyone around me all I can give. All we can do is try our best. Christ sees our efforts and He sanctifies and then magnifies those efforts.

    4 – Forgetting because a million other things are going on – feigned ignorance will not be an adequate excuse when we stand before the Lord and tell Him we didn’t prepare these tender little ones to know Him because we were too busy and forget. Realign your priorities.

    5 – Not caring enough to pack their child a lunch – this goes with point four above but is absolutely inexcusable.

    We have been given the stewardship of these children. We must rear them in righteousness.

    Jesus Christ is coming. It’s a fact. The world wants to deny it and focus on everything else. But it’s happening, and it’s important we prepare ourselves and our children.

    I am grateful to be a member of Christ’s Church and to have the great honor of raising two chloice spirits to know and worship Him. This is the greatest honor I could have in this life. It is a great honor and a great responsibility. I hope to one day stand before the judgment seat of Jesus Christ and tell Him, “I’m sorry. I know I made many mistakes. But I hope I did my best. Thank you for giving me these daughters that blessed me so. I hope that I made you proud.”

  • Fences or Guardrails?

    Fences or Guardrails?

    I read a book I probably wouldn’t admit willingly reading, except that a cool experience and message came out of it, so here we are.

    That book was called Are Your Standards Fences or Guardrails by John Bytheway. There’s nothing wrong with this book. It’s just… a book I would be embarrassed to read as a kid as much as I was embarrassed to be reading it as an adult. I mean, just look at the cover, I think that says it all. It’s a super uplifting and positive book to help teenagers live morally and with high standards in an increasingly low standard world. If I start a book I’m going to finish it. As with any book, something will be learned from it. This book had a particularly cool experience come from it.

    The cool experience that came from reading this book developed out of a realization that Beth brought to my attention.

    I’ve gotten many of the books I’m currently reading from my grandparents. Many still have the sticker on the inside cover that reads, “Mr. & Mrs. Leach.”  As I was reading this book and wondering, ‘Why am I reading this?’ I noticed, like I often do, where the touch of my grandma was. This book was full of ear-marked pages.

    I mentioned it to Beth. “Here’s evidence of Grandma.”

    Beth asked what year the book was published and I told her.

    Beth wondered out loud, “2003…. So, who would she have had in mind while reading this?”

    My first thought was nobody. Her kids were already grown up with kids of their own by 2003. Then I slowly connected the dots. 2003….I would have been 13…. Oh… Grandma was likely thinking about me (along with others) while she read this. 

    It added some reverence to this book. Here I was approaching 20 years after my grandma read this book with me in mind and I was reading it with my daughter (only Ivy was born when I was reading this) and younger siblings in mind. It’s amazing how life changes. It’s amazing how we change. Every page my grandma ear-marked was for good reason. She had reason to worry about me at that time. At that time, I was on my way to breaking every guideline from that book.

    Here I am 20 years later having the same worries about the younger generation.

    It’s partly why I write all these silly posts. Maybe one day my daughter will read them and have an idea of who I was in 2020, and 2022, and 2025. Because by the time she’s reading this in 2033 I’ll be well on my way to grumpy, old, so-out-of-touch father.

    ***TANGENT*** I already feel that way this weekend playing catchphrase with my 19 year-old cousin and her friend. Did you know a 19-year-old doesn’t remember 9-11? That hit me like a slap to the face, woah! The most impactful and memorable day of my life was not experienced by a generation that is now approaching or already in their 20s! That’s crazy. That same cousin has never seen an episode of Boy Meets World. It’s a crazy thing getting older.

    Anyways, this was less about the book and more about what it made me realize. Life is so fluid. I remember being 15 and being convinced I knew everything. Now I’m in my 30s and realize I know almost nothing.

    Life moves and changes so quickly. It’s an amazing thing. I don’t know what closing or profound thought I have to finish this post. I guess I’ll close with this:  to my 12 year-old daughter in 2033, know I once thought I knew everything and it took many years of stupidity to realize how little I know. It took me a long time to realize the adults around me that I thought were hypocritical, or judgemental, or out of touch, or just trying to keep me from having fun really only ever had my best interests in mind.

    To my two girls: I love you and the adults around you love you. All we’ll ever want is the best for you and to protect you. I promise you that.