Fences or Guardrails?

I read a book I probably wouldn’t admit willingly reading, except that a cool experience and message came out of it, so here we are.

That book was called Are Your Standards Fences or Guardrails by John Bytheway. There’s nothing wrong with this book. It’s just… a book I would be embarrassed to read as a kid as much as I was embarrassed to be reading it as an adult. I mean, just look at the cover, I think that says it all. It’s a super uplifting and positive book to help teenagers live morally and with high standards in an increasingly low standard world. If I start a book I’m going to finish it. As with any book, something will be learned from it. This book had a particularly cool experience come from it.

The cool experience that came from reading this book developed out of a realization that Beth brought to my attention.

I’ve gotten many of the books I’m currently reading from my grandparents. Many still have the sticker on the inside cover that reads, “Mr. & Mrs. Leach.”  As I was reading this book and wondering, ‘Why am I reading this?’ I noticed, like I often do, where the touch of my grandma was. This book was full of ear-marked pages.

I mentioned it to Beth. “Here’s evidence of Grandma.”

Beth asked what year the book was published and I told her.

Beth wondered out loud, “2003…. So, who would she have had in mind while reading this?”

My first thought was nobody. Her kids were already grown up with kids of their own by 2003. Then I slowly connected the dots. 2003….I would have been 13…. Oh… Grandma was likely thinking about me (along with others) while she read this. 

It added some reverence to this book. Here I was approaching 20 years after my grandma read this book with me in mind and I was reading it with my daughter (only Ivy was born when I was reading this) and younger siblings in mind. It’s amazing how life changes. It’s amazing how we change. Every page my grandma ear-marked was for good reason. She had reason to worry about me at that time. At that time, I was on my way to breaking every guideline from that book.

Here I am 20 years later having the same worries about the younger generation.

It’s partly why I write all these silly posts. Maybe one day my daughter will read them and have an idea of who I was in 2020, and 2022, and 2025. Because by the time she’s reading this in 2033 I’ll be well on my way to grumpy, old, so-out-of-touch father.

***TANGENT*** I already feel that way this weekend playing catchphrase with my 19 year-old cousin and her friend. Did you know a 19-year-old doesn’t remember 9-11? That hit me like a slap to the face, woah! The most impactful and memorable day of my life was not experienced by a generation that is now approaching or already in their 20s! That’s crazy. That same cousin has never seen an episode of Boy Meets World. It’s a crazy thing getting older.

Anyways, this was less about the book and more about what it made me realize. Life is so fluid. I remember being 15 and being convinced I knew everything. Now I’m in my 30s and realize I know almost nothing.

Life moves and changes so quickly. It’s an amazing thing. I don’t know what closing or profound thought I have to finish this post. I guess I’ll close with this:  to my 12 year-old daughter in 2033, know I once thought I knew everything and it took many years of stupidity to realize how little I know. It took me a long time to realize the adults around me that I thought were hypocritical, or judgemental, or out of touch, or just trying to keep me from having fun really only ever had my best interests in mind.

To my two girls: I love you and the adults around you love you. All we’ll ever want is the best for you and to protect you. I promise you that.