Tag: church

  • Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Someone close to me once said, “I hope you never lose your testimony.  I’ve lost almost everything in life.  I’ve lost a wife, jobs, money, houses, cars, friends; but none of it, none of it, compares to losing my testimony.  I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.”

    This person, I’m very close with, I love him very much.  This person has completely “fallen away” from the Church, as we say. 

    He is a great person.

    I could have been him.

    I could have gotten confused by doctrine, church history, and the plethora of other things to get confused by.  I could have lost sight of the most important thing – Jesus Christ.  It could happen to any of us.

    I’ve long thought and pondered to myself ‘how can I help him return?’ Maybe I’m starting to learn I can maybe help him return, but I won’t be able to make him return.  I’ve thought about lectures on DNA, elephants, steel, and horses.  I’m prepared to discuss it all.  But in the end that doesn’t matter.  It really doesn’t.  The Book of Mormon will have its day.  Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is the Christ. 

    Getting into the discussions that led him away from the church – DNA, horses, elephants – that’s not going to help him return.  Only the spirit, which I know he once felt, can help him return.

    So, here is my letter to you.  This is to a particular person in my life, but I think it can apply to so many people, to so many lives.

    Thank you.  Thank you for that quote you told me once above.  I think about it often.  Thank you for your kind heart, thank you for being an example to me.  Thank you for reminding me that Christ’s Church is sometimes only as good as we make it.  Thank you for encouraging me to read, and study, and KNOW it’s true.  Your study of the gospel is legendary.  I’ve heard of it not just from others.  I know you studied.  At some point you were deceived.  No more flattering words or trying to softly deliver this message to your ego.  You were deceived.

    It’s not too late.  It’s not too late to remember.  It’s not too late to regain your testimony.  You talk as if a testimony, once lost, can never return.  As if you know too much and you can’t go back.  I’m here to remind you, as I know God has over the past decades, that you know nothing.  Try to read again, please.  That’s all I ask.  If only to prove me wrong.  I know where peace comes from, and I want to remind you.

    I know maybe The Church isn’t for everybody in this life.  Or maybe that’s something I think so I don’t feel as bad when I can’t help someone see what I see and find the peace I’ve found.  I know you’re happy.  I know you’re OK.  But I also know you can come back to so much more.

    Finally, you were and are a good dad.  You made mistakes.  Your children love you immensely, I know that.  Don’t ever confuse your mistakes to be unforgivable.  I know life as a father isn’t always perfect.  You have children as stubborn and as difficult as you are (I’m looking at all of you).  Another thing you said about my dad has stuck with me since you said it roughly 9 years ago.  I am lucky to have him, but I want to remind you that your family is lucky to have you too.  We’re all lucky to have you.

    I love you and so does He.

  • Bold Testimonies

    Bold Testimonies

    Nearly everything I write is a testimony of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    Today I had a thought that I wanted to write a particular testimony.

    As I read church history, which I’m doing a lot of at the moment, I’m often inspired by the testimonies borne by the early adopters of the faith.  People like Orson and Parley Pratt, Brigham Young, Sydney Rigdon, Orson F. Whitney, and Heber C. Kimball come to mind.  Of course, there are countless others.  Early men and women of the church were not only of devout faith, but of great courage in proclaiming the gospel.

    Parley P. Pratt

    Times have changed. But have they changed so much that we can’t powerfully declare the truth of the restored Gospel to all the world?  Missionaries are throughout the world, in every corner.  They proclaim the truth of the gospel. Christ’s Church has always been a missionary church.

    There are roughly 16 million members across the globe.

    Imagine if all 16 million of us were as outspoken about the truth as Parley P. Pratt was.  In D&C 49 we see an example of the boldness of Parley P. Pratt.  He was sent, by revelation, to the Shaker faith to give them a message.  Parley P. Pratt believed, and knew, that this revelation came from Jesus Christ Himself.  When he arrived at the Shaker church and learned those that had come ahead of him were passive in their declaring of the message, Parley wasn’t having it.  According to Elder Pratt, “they had come with the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the people must hear it.”

    Sometimes I think I take for granted, or forget, the veracity of the message I have been sent to this earth to deliver.

    Sometimes I’m ashamed of my lack of boldness.

    I’ve been meeting with a small group of guys to study the Bible.  I have only met with them a couple times but have loved both meetings immensely.  These few gentlemen come from different faiths than me.  Mostly non-denominational Christianity.

    In these discussions so much light, knowledge, and truth is exchanged.  I know we are all edified by the discussion.  I know that I benefit greatly from the faith and example of these men.  Especially as the youngest in the group, I can look to these family men as examples of raising faithful families, striving for truth, and striving to be better.  In the couple meetings I’ve had, I’ve come to admire these guys.

    I had a thought today that struck me.

    So much goodness is happening in these meetings, no doubt.  Studying the Bible will seldom lead anyone astray.

    My thought recently was this – I’m basically a secret agent in the group.  The person who invited me knows I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  But does he know what that means?  Have I shared with him my testimony that I have what he’s been searching for:  the message of his Lord and Savior, the message of Jesus Christ’s restored Church. 

    Maybe this friend that has invited me has let the others know my faith background.  It’s no secret.  The “secret agent” part comes from my demeanor.  Throughout the discussions I’ll drop things here and there that show I’m peculiar.  I have learned different things in my faith journey. I understand different things.  Why?  Because of revealed truths that prophets in THIS dispensation have revealed.  Because a prophet in the 1800s saw Christ on the right hand of the Father and restored Jesus Christ’s Church.

    It occurred to me recently what I should do.

    At the end of one of these meetings I should thank these men for all they teach me and how I grow by learning from them.

    Then I should share what Jesus Christ has commissioned me to share.

    Here is the testimony I imagined giving:

    “Thank you, guys, for another great meeting.  I always learn so much from you.  I have something I need to share.  What you’re seeking, what you’re studying in the Bible, what we’re studying in the Bible in each of these meetings, the truth you’re seeking, it is here.  Christ’s Church, as it was in the meridian of time, has been restored.  The principles taught by Christ are here on the earth today: faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists.  The Church of Jesus Christ exists today.  It is led by a prophet, just as Christ left the Church in the hands of his prophet, Peter, before he ascended to heaven.  A man saw God the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Christ’s kingdom exists today, and it is growing.  All the ordinances of the gospel are restored.  The second coming is upon us, and the long-prophesied gathering of Israel is taking place.  Today thousands gain the testimony of Jesus Christ and His restored church and unite themselves with the Saints of the Lord.  The gathering is happening as tribulation in the world continues to increase and come upon us. As a member of this church, fully aware of this truth I have been blessed with, I would be a selfish, abominable person, if I didn’t share with truth-seekers like yourselves this great and important message.  Christ lives!  And He leads His church.  The heavens are not sealed and blocked.  God has not forsaken us.  He is our Father, and He loves us.  The time is coming that we all must unite and gather under one banner.  The strength of Zion is increasing.  It’s my responsibility to share this with you.

    You don’t need to take my word for it.  A book exists that will testify of this truth.  The Book of Mormon is a book inspired of God just as the books of Moses, the Book of Acts, the Book of Revelations, the Book of Isaiah, all the books that were written by men of God and brought forth to help us, these many books are all from the old world, Jerusalem.  What of America?  History now tells us God had millions of His children on the American continent.  Are we to believe Christ was only sent to the old world?  Are we to believe that the word of God was never shared with those on another portion of the earth?  God loves all His children; how could it be?

    Read the book.  Please.  Don’t take my word for it.  Read it.  If it doesn’t touch your heart and scream of the power of the spirit of God that you have spent your lives cultivating the ability to hear and feel, if it doesn’t spur your spirit to know that it is true, then set it aside and continue in your faith.  But read it.  Please.  Determine for yourselves.”

    Do I have the boldness to say these words?…

    I don’t know.

    I’ve written them.

    Maybe I’ll share it with these men. 

    For I am on this earth with the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the people must hear it.

  • RIP Coach

    RIP Coach

    I often think about the people God put around me in my life.  I’m obviously not the center of the universe, but sometimes, when I think about all those who have looked out for me throughout my life, it’s hard not to feel like that.

    There’s an individual in my life who played a critical role at two of the most important junctures in my life.  He was a dear friend, coach, mentor. 

    What’s so funny is, Coach Gonzalez never actually coached me.  Jessie Gonzalez was the athletic director at my high school.  Coach Gonzalez got close with most of the teams he looked over as athletic director.  The basketball program was no exception.

    My senior year at Cimarron we went to a tournament in Hawaii.  Coach Gonzalez came on that trip to “watch” us, or chaperone, I guess.  On that trip, Coach Gonzalez went from Coach Gonzalez to Gonzo, or just Coach.

    Gonzo looked out for me throughout high school.  Many don’t know this now, but I needed a lot of looking out for at that time. 

    I had bonded with Gonzo a bit on the Hawaii trip, but he wasn’t someone I would have considered a close friend or confidant.  That is until I really, really needed someone to talk to.  Then he was there, at the most difficult time of my life.  Somehow, for reasons I won’t understand until I see the bigger picture, Gonzo was the phone call I made.  He helped me through some very difficult things. I look forward to speaking to God, and Him showing me how critical that moment was.  I look forward to seeing why Gonzo was there at that precise moment, and why God made sure I reached out to him.

    We stayed in loose contact as I left high school.

    Gonzo had a few of us he took under his wing and looked out for.  I felt truly blessed to be “one of his boys.”

    After high school, this fascinating thing happened where the roles Gonzo played in my life morphed.  He went from 100% mentor to 50% mentor and 50% friend.  Gonzo was only 11 years older than me.  Not that many years, in the grand scheme. 

    In 2015 I went to a birthday party in Houston.  It was a relative of Gonzo’s and made no sense for me to be there.  It was really just an excuse to go to Houston and see Gonzo, who had moved to Michigan, and I hadn’t seen since high school.  That trip is so memorable.  I’m not going to elaborate any further.  During that trip Gonzo stayed a 50% mentor but also became one of my closest friends, a lifelong friend.

    The second, extremely critical cross roads in my life-  I was trying to return to church.  Who did I turn to?  Who talked me through a year plus of difficulty, repentance, trials, temptations, questions, doubts, uncertainties?  Countless hours were spent on the phone with him.  He was going to see me through.

    Gonzo isn’t a member of my church.  He’s a member of a grander organization.  He’s a brother and an angel that was here to look over me and guide me.  I’m not sure I’d be an active member of my church today without his guidance. That was the power of Coach.  He didn’t need to be a member of my church to help me with something so important.  He only needed to listen, love me, help me.

    Another moment I’ll never forget, I was only a couple months into trying to return into activity in the Church.  Satan was hard at work in those first months.  I could go on and on about what he put before me during those months.

    One of those temptations was a staycation at my favorite place at the time, Talking Sticks Resort.  I was still playing poker.  During this weekend that TSR gave me a free suite to stay in, there was a huge summer pool party.  My room overlooked the pool, of course.

    Imagine me for a moment.  Just a couple months into not drinking.  Here I am at Talking Stick Resort, in a super nice room, overlooking a pool filled with beautiful people and all my temptations.  I was literally in the great and spacious building.  I had alcohol in the fridge.  For those who don’t know this feeling, I can’t describe the pull.  I don’t have words to describe the need to drink alcohol, go to the pool, let myself fully embrace this staycation.

    I had worked so hard.  I was going to church and making good choices.  Surely, I could give myself this one weekend, right?

    I was going to drink and join this party.  There was really no doubt.  As much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I was going to. 

    I can’t remember if I called him.  There’s a chance he called me.  I talked to Coach Gonzo.  In true Jessie fashion, he didn’t tell me not to drink.  He talked me through it.  He told me it was a choice I had to make.  He reminded me how hard I’d worked to return to church and stop drinking.

    Then, almost nonchalantly, as if an afterthought, Coach said the most critical thing.  He said, “You can drink and get wild and crazy, but man, after not drinking for as long as you’ve gone, tomorrow is going to suck.  That hangover is going to be bad.  Hangover aside, how are you going to feel about yourself in the morning?”

    That was all I needed to hear.

    For those wondering, I did join the pool party.  I hung out, walked around.  I didn’t embrace the party.  I owe Jessie, Coach, Gonzo for that.  I may owe him my now 5 years of sobriety.

    Jessie Gonzalez left this stage of his coaching journey 6/8/21.  He had some new people to coach and mentor, and he couldn’t do that here.  I will miss him dearly.  I already wonder who I will turn to when I need to be guided through the next trial.  Part of me thinks he could move on because he already got me to the point where I can take care of myself.  Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need him anymore. The greater and more comforting truth is that you always need a mentor and friend like Gonzo, and he’s still there for me, more than ever now.

    He was light.  And he was joy.  Nobody brought together a room like him. 

    He protected me from harm while here, both physically and spiritually.

    I thought of something interesting last night.  It hit me that Gonzo likely, just recently, had his life review.  It brought me so much joy to think of him getting to see all the good he had done.  I considered him getting to see every moment he impacted me and how big a role he played in my life.  I thought about the net of goodness and light he spread while he was here.

    It brought a smile to my face to know that he got to see his Savior.  He was embraced, and loved, and free from the difficulties of this world.

    He can coach in purity now, for, a purer heart there never was. 

    I miss him a lot now. Though I can’t hear his voice or see his face, he’ll continue to be with me, coaching from above. I look forward to the reunion.

    I love you Jessie, Coach, Gonzo, and I thank you for all you did for me.

  • Blessing Ivy

    Blessing Ivy

    I recently had the special opportunity to bless Ivy.  Leading up to the blessing, I did some research on the history of blessing children in the Church of Jesus Christ and its significance.  For Ivy’s blessing, Beth put together an event and a description of what a baby blessing is.  Here is that description:

    What is a baby blessing?

    In summary, the naming and blessing of children is a commandment of God. It is proper for a worthy father to name and bless his children. Blessing of children was done during the time of Christ, and it occurred in the early years of the restored Church. The ordinance has become a regular practice followed by Church members ever since.

    Who has the authority to bless a baby?

    A worthy priesthood holder under the direction of the local bishop. It is usually the father or a close family member.

    What is the priesthood?

    The word priesthood has two meanings. First, priesthood is the power and authority of God. It has always existed and will continue to exist without end. Through the priesthood, God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power, He exalts His obedient children, bringing to pass “the immortality and eternal life of man.”

    Second, in mortality, priesthood is the power and authority that God gives to man to act in all things necessary for the salvation of God’s children. The blessings of the priesthood are available to all who receive the gospel.

    What is the format of a baby blessing?

    When blessing a baby, priesthood holders gather in a circle and place their hands under the baby. When blessing an older child, brethren place their hands lightly on the child’s head. The person who gives the blessing:

    1. Addresses Heavenly Father.

    2. States that the blessing is performed by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood.

    3. Gives the child a name.

    4. Gives words of blessing as the Spirit directs.

    5. Closes in the name of Jesus Christ.

    Ivy and Aunt Cambria

    Reading up on the baby blessing beforehand taught me some interesting things about this sacred practice that I would like to share.

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1979/12/i-have-a-question/in-blessing-an-infant-should-both-the-naming-and-blessing-be-addressed-to-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

    1. Unique to giving a blessing to an older child or adult, the naming and blessing of a child is directed to Heavenly Father like prayers are. 
      • This could be because the baby is too young to understand the words directed to him or her. 
    2. It appears that Melchizedek Priesthood holders are authorized to more than ask for a blessing but are able to pronounce a blessing upon the child directly, as the spirit directs.
      • See D&C 20:70
      • Sometimes inspiration (or confidence) to pronounce/give a blessing does not come.  In this case it is of course acceptable to ask Heavenly Father for these blessings.  I believe this is how I felt in giving Ivy her blessing.  It was enough to ask Heavenly Father to bless her with my requests.
    3. It is a commandment to name and bless infants.
      • See again D&C 20:70
      • It is important to remember the naming and blessing of children is not a saving ordinance.  It is still an important and sacred moment seen in heaven.
    4. “It is an awesome responsibility to be a priesthood agent of the Lord, to act in his behalf, and to approximate in one’s words and doings what the Lord would do if he were here.  A father, especially, who is to bless his child, has the delight and responsibility to prepare himself beforehand by pondering and by fasting and prayer, that he may be sensitive to the suggestions of the Spirit when giving the blessing.”
      • “How blessed we are to be able to present our little ones before the Lord, our families and the Church, and then consecrate them to the Lord.  How blessed we are to be able to name them, plead over, pray for, and, yes, to bless them directly and personally in harmony with our finest desires for them, by the authorization and wisdom of heaven.”

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1988/12/i-have-a-question/why-is-the-naming-and-blessing-of-a-child-important?lang=eng

    1. An interesting account from Joseph Smith on March 13, 1843 says, “Twenty-seven children were blessed, nineteen of whom I blessed myself, with great fervency.  Virtue went out of me, and my strength left me…”
      • “[The next day] Elder Jedediah M. Grant enquired of me the cause of my turning pale and losing strength last night while blessing children.  I told him that I saw that Lucifer would exert his influence to destroy the children that I was blessing, and I strove with all the faith and spirit that I had to seal upon them a blessing that would secure their lives upon the earth; and so much virtue went out of me into the children, that I became weak, from which I have not yet recovered; and I referred to the case of the woman touching the hem of the garment of Jesus. (Luke 8).” (History of the Church, 5:303.)
      • Elder John Taylor said the Savior’s example of blessing children “should be studiously complied with without hesitancy or objection” (by priesthood holders).
      • We see that Joseph Smith followed the example of the Savior who blessed children in both Israel and the American continent.  (Mark 10:14-16 and 3 Nephi 17).  What an amazing and marvelous thought:  our virtue can be passed to our children.  Our blessings are a force Satan must reckon with.  It makes me want to bless my daughter daily.  It also adds insight to a scripture that has always been a bit puzzling in Luke 8:46.  Virtue can literally leave us to help others.
    2. The new name:
      • A new name is often involved when a covenant relationship is formed.
      • When Adam and Eve were given dominion over the earth, Adam named all the animals (Genesis 2:19-20).
      • God blessed them and named Adam after giving him a body (Genesis 5:2).
      • When we get baptized we follow a similar pattern, taking upon us a new name, the name of Christ.
      • Temple covenants also involve the giving and receiving of names.
    3. The responsibility of blessing a child is bestowed, ideally, on he who helped create that child’s body, and who Heavenly Father entrusted His child with in mortality.
      • Joseph F. Smith – “The patriarchal order is of divine origin and will continue throughout time and eternity.  There is, then, a particular reason why men, women, and children should understand this order and authority in the households of the people of God and seek to make it what God intended it to be, a qualification and preparation for the highest exaltation of his children.  In the home, the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters there is no other authority paramount…This authority carries with it a responsibility, and a grave one, as well as its rights and privileges, and men cannot be too exemplary in their lives, nor fit themselves too carefully to live in harmony with this important and God-ordained rule of conduct in the family organization.”

    It is my experience that giving blessings is often the closest I ever feel to Heavenly Father.  I can feel him speaking through me and it is always a powerful, emotional, and memorable experience.  The opportunity to bless my daughter will be one of the greatest moments of my life.  I have immense gratitude to my Heavenly Father for entrusting Ivy into my care, allowing me to name her, and trusting me to watch over and protect her in this life and through eternity.

  • Organized Religion

    Organized Religion

    What do you think the point of organized religion is?

    I had an obvious realization recently, only recently.  The point of organized religion is to bring you closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  If organized religion doesn’t bring you closer to God, then why do it?  I think it’s why we see so many people disenfranchised with organized religion.  In their hearts and souls, they know and hope what organized religion will bring – closeness with God.  When it doesn’t do that (and in fact sometimes does the opposite) they move away from it.

    The second point of organized religion: to bring us peace. 

    This second part isn’t as simple as “I belong to a church so I am happy and peaceful.” We know that Christianity is not always comfortable. This peace is bigger than worldly comfort. This peace is the knowledge that you are right with God. This peace is more eternal than this life.

    Why don’t organized religions do these two things?  Some do, and I’m not discounting those who come closer to God and find peace in any faith.  My point stands, that a lot of people have moved away from organized religion.  Why?  Why don’t most organized churches bring us closer to God or bring us peace?  They don’t have the proper authority from heaven to do so.

    God, through revelation has told us exactly what we need to do to come closer to Him and to have peace:

    1. Faith in Jesus Christ
      • Start by simply believing in Jesus Christ.  Believe He was born, believe He lived, believe He is the son of God, believe He died for you and your sins.
    2. Repentance
      • Once you believe, be better.  Don’t take for granted the suffering Christ went through for you.  Pray to God and ask forgiveness for the mistakes you have made and continue to make.
    3. Baptism
      • Religion has corrupted this simple principle.  All God asks is you make a symbolic gesture to show that you have faith in Him, faith in Jesus Christ, and will remember them.  Then use that show of faith to change and be better.  God has asked us to be baptized.  Follow His commandments and be baptized. 
    4. Gift of the Holy Ghost
      • The world is ever distracting and evil.  God has given us someone to provide strength.  The Holy Ghost is one with God and Jesus Christ and can be with us always.
      • I have the perfect example to help illustrate the important role the Holy Ghost plays.  I received a text from a friend one afternoon while I was working telling me his dad had passed away.  My friend didn’t want me to find out over social media, so he texted me.  When I read it I initially thought selfishly.  I was at work.  There wasn’t anything I could do.  I wanted to kneel and pray and cry.  But as I was sitting there something happened.  As clear as if a person whispered in my ear, I heard and felt a message.  Clear as day I knew important things.  This was my friend.  He was hurting.  Clear as day, “go to your friend.”  I’m not affectionate, it’s hard for me, ask my wife.  Beth knows that better than anyone.  It’s not in my nature to want to go comfort and cry with a friend.  That seems hard and vulnerable.  But in that very important moment I know the Holy Ghost came to me and directed me.  I know it was important for me, and I believe it was important for my friend.  The Holy Ghost did that.  I know that because I’ve worked so hard to be able to hear when the Holy Ghost speaks to me.  I have so many examples of that.  I could go on for days about the important moments that the Holy Ghost guided me.

    After the Holy Ghost, the final step: endure to the end.  Take the sacrament each week to renew your covenants from baptism.  Repent every day.  Remember Jesus Christ every day.  That’s it.  That brings you closer to God.  I know because it has for me.

    People don’t change overnight.  I know to many it seemed like I changed overnight.  I didn’t.  It was years of slowly changing habits, changing thoughts.  Many saw first-hand who I used to be but didn’t see the slow, gradual change to who I am now.  I always told myself I was “good.”  What good was me telling myself I was good if my actions and my selfishness said otherwise?  Four years ago, if I received the text I mentioned above I would have said “I’m sorry” and “let me know if you need anything.”  Today, I’m different.  I’m different because of Jesus Christ.

    What’s important?  I know why I’m here.  I know where I come from.  I know where I’m going. This brings peace.