No Coincidences

Tag: daughter

  • We’re Being Watched

    We’re Being Watched

    Beth just said something that gave me the heebie-jeebies, even though it’s something we already know, and unfortunately, are starting to accept.

    Beth said, “You know what I just realized?  Whenever we watch YouTube TV kids shows, all of the ads are super girly stuff.  They totally know we have a daughter.”

    They.

    Remember in the good old days when we would have conversations about skiing and then ski gear would show up as an ad on our phone/computer/device?  Do you remember when we transitioned from “wow that’s really weird…” to “are they listening to me?…” to “oh they’re listening good.”

    That last part came after it became public knowledge that our mics and search history and everything about us was being turned into marketing and advertisement data. 

    This will be a short post.  Re-read the end of The Social Dilemma where i discuss how to protect our families from becoming too attached to our devices. Also re-read The Social Dilemma part 2 and consider what we can do to protect ourselves and our families from advertisers. Be wary of what is happening to our children.  They are growing up in a world where MY TV knows I have a girl and is targeting her before she can even walk.  If that doesn’t scare you, at least a little bit, it should.

    Be cautious about what we expose our kids to.  Be cautious about what we post and share.  Protect them. 

    I know in this world it’s impossible for “them” to not know I have a daughter by now.  I know there’s only so much we can do.  But what I can try to control is how she is influenced by their advances.  I will do my best for my whole life to protect Ivy against targeted advertising and the influences of the media on her growing mind.

  • Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy.  Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

    Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions.  It’s more important for me to learn to control mine. 

    Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc.  That’s not what matters.  What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

    I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

    There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior.  How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet?  She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example.  It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

    “I’ll be patient, one more month

    You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

    Times are changing, I know

    But who am I if I’m the person you become

    If I’m still growing up”

    (Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed.  The joys of fatherhood 😊)

    Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect.  I’m the one that needs to change.

    So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

    I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

  • 100th Post

    100th Post

    100 posts!  I thought it warranted a special post.  You never know when you start something like a blog if you’ll actually stick to it.  Here I am a year and a half and 100 posts later, with hundreds still to go.

    I figured as part of my first 100 posts I could mention the top 5 most read:

    1. Facing Death
    2. RIP Coach
    3. Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20
    4. Don Leedy-Resting in Paradise
    5. An Angel

    It’s interesting what this list shows.  Life and death.

    It was scary starting a blog.  It’s basically a public diary.  I’m excited for Ivy to read it one day.  Thank you to everyone who has read and supported.  The primary motivation in writing and sharing these posts has always been to share my faith story and hopefully help others in some tiny way.  If my story or my thoughts have helped one person think about life or come closer to Jesus Christ, then a million hours (close to how much time I’ve put into this) is worth it.

    I re-read my first post to prepare for writing this.  In reading that, I was kind of surprised by how open and vulnerable I made that.  It inspired me to share another more personal post.

    As I read that very first post I was reminded why I decided to write this.  I had my own very unique journey back to God and I hoped it could help someone, whether that be back to God or to God for the first time.  During those years where I removed God completely from my life, I feared every day I was away from Him that I’d never be able to return.  I know there are so many people out there that feel the same way.  There are also people that have never known God, prayer, repentance, all these things some of us take for granted.  These are abstract concepts to many, I know. 

    I want to share that I believe God is for everyone.  As the world screams at us, “You have your screens, your technology, your books, universities, learning, society with its conveyer belt of packaged food, water always, peace, prosperity.  Watch Netflix!  Relax!  All is well (2 Nephi 28:21).  Set aside thoughts of life, death, and purpose.  You have your purpose, live and let live.”  The world is telling us that despite the chaos around us, everything is fine, and we don’t need God.  I testify that all is well IF we have God.

    I want to tell everyone, there is more than what the world screams at us is important.  There is much, much more.  I want to tell everyone who will listen, God is for you.  If you’ve ever known Him, if you’ve never known Him, if you consider Him a complete foreign concept, if you consider Him a myth, He is for you and He is there for you.  You can come to Him, and when you do, your life changes. 

    That’s what sticks with me most when I think about those years away from God.  I removed Him, but He was never gone.  We can’t remove our Father.  This makes us accountable; it can be a frightening concept if we fear Him.  We don’t need to fear Him.  He is only there out of love.  He will never leave us.

    I bear my testimony of the most important things:  God is our Father, and He does love us.  Jesus Christ did something unimaginable.  Would you die for your child?  Would you suffer the punishment for the sins of your child?  Probably.  Would you die for the person torturing you?  Christ did.  He suffered for all of us, really suffered and felt.  I have been blessed to have the Holy Ghost be a part of my life when I’ve made good choices, since it was conferred upon me when I was 9 years old.  Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  He translated the Book of Mormon from ancient records.  The temples that are now dotting the earth are God’s temples. The temples are clean and holy.  I can be with my family forever because of what Christ did for me in Gethsemane and on the cross.

    I know this to be true.  This knowledge brings purpose and understanding to my life.  It doesn’t make trials go away but it makes them understandable. 

    I wish everyone would consider the great plan of salvation, The Plan of Happiness.  But we are distracted. 

    I have been so blessed by God and I ask Him constantly what I’ve done to be afforded so much.  The least I can do is share it with others, and I am glad to do so.

    I leave this testimony for my daughter, and my family, and all those I care about to read- forever.  I leave it in the name of my Redeemer, my Savior, my King, Jesus Christ.

    Amen.

    LDS Church introduces new symbol emphasizing the centrality of the Savior | KUTV
  • Embrace Fatherhood

    Embrace Fatherhood

    A friend of mine wrote a book called Embrace Fatherhood.  There is a part in the book where a father has lost the ability to see his new daughter due to a custody battle.  Upon finding out he will get to spend a weekend with his daughter he says, “This daddy daughter thing, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  It took Brooklyn being born for me to love something far greater than myself.”

    I love Beth so much, but I relate to this statement.  I think it took Ivy being born for me to understand what unconditional, unbounded, uncontrollable love is.  We like to think we love others more than ourselves, but do we?  I think I do love Ivy more than myself.  I think this is parenthood.  I would do anything for her. As a part of that, I love Beth all the more for giving me this priceless gift.

    This book is written from the perspective of dads in various forms of relationship disputes, dads that don’t get to see their kids.

    I know this is a complicated issue, and I know there are a million different circumstances that make this very difficult.  What I will say that I hope we can all agree on: good fathers that want to be in their children’s lives, that for whatever reason aren’t able to, is a great tragedy.  I can’t imagine being kept away from Ivy.  It would break my heart.  It would be like losing a part of me.

    Beth and Ivy are in Utah for a week as I write this. Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of free time and the ability to nap and relax like I used to in the old days has been really nice. At the end of the night, though, all I can think about is Ivy and Beth. I miss them so much. I miss that greatest moment every morning. I’m grateful for a picture Beth put up on my bedside table before the trip. I can’t imagine this separation from my baby being a regular occurrence.

    I know this situation exists for many dads and it hurts me to think about.

    Relationship disputes happen.  We are human.  I think it is a tragedy of our society that romantic relationships would ever come before or between the most sacred relationship in the world (alongside marriage), the relationship of a parent and their child.

    Again, a complicated issue.  Having not lived through it myself, I can’t say too much.  But I love Ivy.  I can’t imagine living without her.  There are tons of dads out there right now excited that they will get a weekend to see their child.  The disintegration of the family unit is devastating.

    I am grateful for Beth, who I love so much.  I am grateful for what Beth has given me, the greatest gift in the entire world, Ivy who I love beyond all understanding.  I am sorry for any dad that has this gift taken from him.

    I love Ivy and I love Beth and I don’t know what I would do without them.

    Embrace Fatherhood.

  • The greatest moment of my life every day

    The greatest moment of my life every day

    The greatest moment of my life happens every morning.  By that I mean, almost every day I have a new moment that is the new best moment of my entire life.  It’s awesome. 

    I start work early every morning.  I’m already up and working (hopefully) when Ivy starts to wake up.  Beth has the monitor by the bed, so I can hear when Ivy starts to stir.

    When I see Ivy in the morning, her face is the most pure form of joy I’ve ever seen.  In turn, that brings me the most joy I’ve ever experienced.  Seeing her light up and grin ear to ear and be SO happy, it’s indescribable.

    I can imagine her thinking, “Oh, you’re still here!  This is amazing!  You’re still my dad!  I’m so glad to see you!”

    That’s what her smile says to me.

    This parenting thing is super hard.  It’s beyond exhausting (more to come on that in the next post).  There’s a lot of stress and pressure.  The life of a tiny human is in our hands, after all.

    But that moment where Ivy smiles at me in the morning, makes this, without question, the best experience of life.