No Coincidences

Tag: Family

  • Toddlers and Infants

    Toddlers and Infants

    I can’t remember where I first heard it, but I once heard teenagers described as assassins of happiness. I think toddlers are assassins of stability. You are constantly on edge about what chaotic thing is about to happen when around toddlers.

    Chaos Personified

    I’m convinced this anarchic nature of toddlers is not by coincidence.

    Beth and I have followed the expeditious family planning path thus far. Ivy and Sage are separated by exactly 21 months.

    I love toddlers. Ivy is so much fun. She is also so unstable. This, I think, is the part that is no coincidence. Infants are more predictable. They eat, they cry, they poop, they sleep. That’s about it. You can pretty much rely on those 4 activities from an infant.

    Fun

    Ivy’s standard response to any question is “no, yes! No! Yes, No! No, yes!”

    A normal interaction with Ivy:

    “Ivy, do you want some blueberries?”

    “NO! YES!”

    As I walk to the kitchen to get her blueberries –

    “No, no, no, no, no.”

    I turn around.

    “You don’t want blueberries?”

    Ivy – “Yes!”

    “You do want blueberries?”

    Ivy – “No!”

    I walk away from kitchen, giving up on the blueberry mission.

    Ivy – “No, no, no, no, no.”

    I stop, “Ivy, do you want blueberries?”

    Big, beautiful, irresistible, dimpled smile – “Yes.”

    We get blueberries.

    Ivy. Joy. Blueberries.

    Sage’s standard response to any question is to stare at me blankly. This infant response defines stability.

    Stability

    I love Ivy, but when I need a break from the hectic instability of a toddler, I go to Sage for some reliability. They are equally loved if only for the sake of my sanity.

    I love being a dad.

    All the toddler attitude:

    • Lost

      Lost

      I wrote this our first Sunday at church with Sage.

      I don’t know what I wanted out of life as a teenager. I wasn’t someone who pictured certain things. I don’t remember picturing what my ideal life would be.

      Today we sat in church for the first time with Sage. She is 8 days old. She was next to me in her car seat, sound asleep. Ivy was on the other side of me and Beth was next to her.

      Then it hit me. This is everything I could want out of life.

      I grew up in an LDS household. My family went to church. I have lots of siblings. I don’t know if back then I realized how much I would want this. There were large portions of my life where I convinced myself that wasn’t what I wanted. But it was always there, inside me, whether I acknowledged it or not. A deep desire to have a family.

      I realize now, I always wanted a family. Right now, with my two daughters and my wife, being at church, there is nothing more I could ask for in life. This is joy.

      I work with the 11-15 year old boys in our church. After that thought came to me in sacrament meeting, I got to share it with them.

      I don’t know what those boys want out of life. I didn’t know at that age. I was able to bear my testimony to them that there is no greater joy in this life than having children, and I wished it for each of them. I told them they need to figure out what they want out of life. I told them I hoped they could find the joy I’ve been able to find.

      It was a long journey for me to get here. In that same class with the boys we had a lesson on Isaiah and the iron rod was brought up as a symbol of something greater. One of the boys asked the question: how does the iron rod, which represents the word of God, help us get to the tree of life, which represents Heaven? I told him, it is so easy to get lost. And without the word of God and His commandments, getting lost is almost inevitable. I told this boy I hoped he never had to get lost.

      I got lost. There were many times I didn’t know if I’d ever make it back.

      I often wonder why I deserve so much that God has given me. The answer must be that I don’t deserve anything. He just loves us so much, He’s willing to give us what our hearts truly desire. Whether that be in this life or the next, God has given us everything and will continue to do so. It took me a long time to realize what my heart truly desired. God let me take the long winding road here probably so I could truly appreciate it.

      I do appreciate it.

      I am grateful for the family God has given me. I am grateful for His Church. I am grateful that I’m no longer lost. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

    • Ivy’s Love of Transportation

      Ivy’s Love of Transportation

      Ivy had the best weekend recently. We flew to Vegas to see my family. Fun fact about Ivy, the girl LOVES transportation. By that I mean, all things that move. Airplanes, cars (vroom vrooms), buses (round and rounds), tractors, go-karts. If it looks like it moves, Ivy loves it.

      Ivy had been on an airplane before, but this was her first, what I like to call “conscious” flight. She had some idea what was going on this time, different from when she was 8 months old.

      You can only imagine how exciting a place the airport was for her.

      First, she got to ride on the electric shuttle to the terminal.

      Billie, Ivy, Dad

      Then, she had her first experiences with escalators. Ivy LOVES escalators. Of note, she is not a big fan of elevators. I guess that gravity shift for her little legs is a bit much.

      Then she got to get on an airplane. Lots of curiosity mingled with excitement.

      Then we had a 3-hour delay and had to exit the airplane. Did Ivy care? Of course not! More time to wander around the airport, looking out the window at airplanes. Yes, we did do that for 3 hours.

      Ivy hearing announcement about Delay
      Ivy pondering all the fun she’s about to have in the airport
      Ivy exploring airport

      By the time we got on the plane to actually fly, Ivy knew everything there was to know about an airport terminal and was ready for the sky!

      She loved flying. She looked out the window and pointed out all the lights. She like to put her finger and thumb together to show that the cars and buildings were getting very small.

      Ivy’s joy reached a peak on our return flight.

      We had those moving walkways right by our gate. So we spent an hour straight going back and forth on that. I must emphasize that this is not an exaggeration. One. Hour. Straight. Back and forth.

      Ivy has recently started doing this thing that is my new favorite thing in the world. When she gets extra excited, she says YES! And clenches her first and pumps it in the air – “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

      Picture this with a happier face and you’ve got it:

      So, when we started down the tunnel for our return flight, Ivy remembered what was coming, going high on an airplane. She excitedly started walking in front of us, fist-pumping and yelling “YES!”

      When we landed at 10:30PM, her enthusiasm couldn’t be dampened by the late night. We got to ride her all-time favorite mode of transportation. A ROUND AND ROUND. If Ivy sees a bus, she’ll twist her hand around and say “roun n roun.” You know, because the wheels on the bus go round and round.

      When we got off the round and round, she was disappointed. We had to tell her the round and round needed to go to sleep. This was ruined when we walked back to our car, passing 4(!) round and rounds. The excitement at each one was palpable.

      Finally, we got to vroom vroom home.

      Thus ended the best weekend of Ivy’s life.

      Every time she has seen an airplane since, she points straight up, and says, “high.”

      She can’t wait to fly again.

    • Children Need Their Father

      Children Need Their Father

      I went on a weeklong river rafting trip. I believe it was the longest time I’d spent away from Ivy. A large portion of that trip, I did not have my cell phone with me.

      When I got off the river and started driving back to Las Vegas with my family, I checked my phone and learned that Ivy had not had a good week. Meltdowns, tantrums, refusing to sleep. Apparently, she’d had a very hard time in my absence. I didn’t even recognize the girl being described.

      Many theories were tossed around to explain the behavior: teething, out of her routine (they stayed at my in-law’s house), she was sick, her shoes were too tight. I knew the truth. She missed her daddy. I couldn’t wait to get home and comfort her.

      I’ve written about missing Ivy before. This was the first time, it seemed, she could really miss me. I just finished a book, What a Difference a Daddy Makes by Dr. Leman that talks all about the importance of a father, especially in a daughter’s life. It talks about how a father reinforces confidence and helps a daughter relate to men as she gets older. It talks about how moms have a tendency to parent and do things one way, and the balance of how a father generally does things is important to a child’s development. This is at least partly why The Family Proclamation says, “Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

      I believe I was 16 when I first hung up on my mom while she was talking. I promptly received a call from my dad. The usual mild-mannered, relaxed father I knew was gone. I was told over the phone, in no uncertain terms, that if I EVER hung up on my mother ever again, he would kill me. I believed him. He told me I was to treat my mom with respect. It was an important lesson I needed to learn. It was the last time I ever hung up on my mom.

      This is an example of why kids need their dad. Dads, in society, have gotten a ridiculously unfair reputation. Dr. Leman in the aforementioned book noted the unfair representation of fathers on television. Fathers are almost always bumbling blockheads that can’t get anything right. This is unfair and wrong. It has built a belief in society that fathers aren’t needed, or worse, that they cause more harm than good. Fathers are important.

      So how was Ivy when I returned home? An angel. The most well-behaved, happy, sleeping babe you ever met. She smiled ear to ear the moment I saw her when I got home. It was such dramatic joy that I almost didn’t believe all the propaganda I’d been hearing about her. She just needed her daddy.

      Before I could get too cocky, Beth had a doctor’s appointment during the week. It was Ivy and I for a couple hours. Then I got to witness all the behavior I’d seen.

      A growing girl needs her daddy. She also needs her mother. We’ve seen that Ivy is way happier when it’s all of us together. Ivy’s still relatively fresh from heaven. She knows the importance of family and the The Family Proclamation.

      I’m grateful to understand the importance of family. I’m grateful to have a small inkling of how important I can be to Ivy’s life. I’m grateful that Beth continues to be such a great mother. I’m grateful to have an amazing family to help me understand these things. I’m grateful that families can be forever.

    • The Life Beyond

      The Life Beyond

      The Life Beyond by Robert L. Millett and Joseph Fielding McConkie Copyright 1986.

      I recently was asked by two friends who have different religious beliefs from me, what do you believe happens to a person when they die?

      This is the great question right?  One of the 3 great questions.

      1. Where did I come from?
      2. Why I am I here?
      3. Where am I going?

      What a world we’d live in if every conversation we ever had started with that question:

      Hi, my name is Brayden.  Say, what do you think happens to us when we die?

      Wouldn’t that be great!  Less discussion about politics, sports, and tv.  What amazing conversations could come about from that question.

      It amazes me how many people in the world float through life without knowing any sort of answer to these questions.  It’s no wonder we’re in a world that seems untethered from any understanding, sense of reality, or sense of meaning.  What’s worse than all those who don’t know the answer to these questions is those that don’t even ask the question.  It baffles my mind that so many live on this earth, day by day, moment by moment, without daily stopping to ponder: why am I here?

      I believe the reason for this attitude by many people and much of society is due to a feeling that there is no answer.  No one can know so why ask?  I believe every person has asked these questions at some point.  They eventually determine it’s unknowable and move on.  I believe this cuts us off from growth.  How can we grow to our full potential if we have no understanding of our true potential?  How can we reach our true potential if we believe this whole life is for no purpose or reason?  How can we reach our full potential if we don’t even know if there’s something after all this?  In that case, what’s the point?

      That’s why when this question comes up I internally jump for joy.  I know many skeptics, doubters – ye with little faith – still say, “you can’t really know.”  I don’t care.  I know!  I know where I come from.  I know why I’m here.  I know where I’m going.

      It’s one of my greatest wishes that every person on this earth knew the same.  I believe it would make people happier.  I believe it would make the world a better place.  It’s why I’m writing this.  To share what I know.

      The Life Beyond is a book I recently finished by one of my favorite scholars.  Robert Millet was a panelist on the youtube video series I’ve used to study the lectures on faith.  I’ve seen Joseph Fielding McConkie on many of the books I intend to read.

      This book details everything we know about The Life Beyond.  Through scripture, modern revelation, prophets, and all other light and knowledge we’ve received, they go into great detail about what happens after we die.

      Could there be a more important book?

      Can you believe this book exists?  Can you believe you’re not reading it right now?

      Hundreds of millions stumble around in darkness, with fear of death and wonderment about life.  Here is scripture, from God, light and knowledge, revelation, that answers the most important questions in this life.

      For those with little understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, this book would be like feeding a steak to a newborn.  Milk before meat.  I understand that.  Still, why isn’t everyone reading it?  If anyone reading this has ever asked, why am I here?  I invite you to read this book.  Then ask questions.  It can change your life.

      To conclude I’ll share one excerpt from the book that I enjoyed. 

      “The Family Unit Beyond the Veil

      Paul said, ‘I bow my knees,’ as do we all, ‘unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named” (Ephesians 3:14-15).  In a manifestation to Brigham Young after his death, Joseph Smith told his successor to be sure to instruct the Saints to keep the Spirit of the Lord, promising that if they would do so, ‘they will find themselves just as they were organized by our Father in Heaven before they came into the world.  Our Father in Heaven organized the human family, but they are all disorganized and in confusion.’  Brigham also said that Joseph showed him the pattern, ‘how they were in the beginning.’  He said that he could not describe it but that there must yet be ‘a perfect chain from Father Adam to his latest posterity.’

      During an illness, Jedediah M. Grant visited the spirit world two nights in succession.  He reported a perfect order and government that existed there, saying that the ‘righteous gathered together,’ that there were ‘no wicked spirits among them,’ and that they were ‘organized in family capacities.’  ‘To my astonishment,’ he said, ‘when I looked at families, there was a deficiency in some, there was a lack, for I saw families that would not be permitted to come and dwell together, because they had not honored their calling here.’” (Emphasis added)

      What a marvel it is we have these truths and how lucky we are.  May we all fulfill our callings here, and start by asking, why am I here?