Tag: girl dad

  • Spanking

    Spanking

    This last weekend Beth went out of town so it was Daddy weekend with my girls. We had an awesome weekend. We had Daddy Dinners which included meals Dad loves but Mom doesn’t (there’s a whole lotta chili involved). We spent a whole day at the pool. We went to a Notre Dame High School barbeque with food, snacks, and activities. We went to the grocery store TWO times. We had a movie night in Dad’s bed with the projector. It was a great weekend.

    Ivy has had some behavior challenges of late. Those challenges continued over the weekend.

    On Sunday, the last day before Mom was coming home, we went to church. Ivy did not do a good job and we had to leave before the first meeting was over.

    I was so frustrated. I loaded all three girls in the car and turned on the AC. I had to go back into church and clean up the mess we always leave behind, while the church meeting continued around me, load it up, and take the girls home.

    When we got home I put Wren down for her nap, setup Sage on the couch to watch a show, and took Ivy to her room.

    Despite the awesome weekend, Ivy’s misbehaviors loomed large. The most challenging thing as a parent is when your child is awesome 95% of the time and then does really, really bad things the other 5%. Because of the 95% you know she’s so capable.

    I won’t go into detail on the behavior but lest you think me a harsh, mean Dad, I’ll just say the behavior was unacceptable and important to be corrected. I’ll leave it at that.

    After Ivy was in her room I stood over her fuming. I was so frustrated. I took deep breaths to calm myself. I told Ivy I had to spank her.

    We don’t spank. It has happened maybe twice in our family and I don’t like it. But enough was enough. Ivy had to learn some things were unacceptable. I didn’t know how else to bring that lesson home.

    She freaked out a little when I said I had to spank her. As she was doing that, I closed my eyes and prayed.

    She asked what I was doing.

    I told her I was praying asking Heavenly Father what I should do. I was asking for help on how to deal with my daughter with love. How to show her I loved her but that her behavior had to be better. I desperately didn’t want to spank her. But I didn’t know what to do.

    Ivy loves pretending to be characters. It’s a fun thing about her. I love it. I love her creativity and her mind. All day every day she’ll pretend to be Dash from the Incredibles, the red head girl from the movie Leap, Alfalfa from Little Rascals, Justin Bieber when she’s singing, Ghost Spider, Huckleberry Finn, Snow White. You name it. If it’s a fictional character (or sometimes not fictional, see Justin Bieber), Ivy has pretended to be them.

    Back in Ivy’s room, considering spanking, not wanting to, praying for help, I don’t even remember thinking it. The next part just happened. I told her no more characters until she could improve on the things she wasn’t improving on. I told her I was not participating in her fun ritual of being different characters throughout the day until she could fix her behavior.

    Ivy reacted way worse at this than if I had actually spanked her. You’d have thought I told her the world was ending. She was beside herself. Distraught. She begged me to let her be a character. I told her not until she improved and I left her in her room for nap time.

    I did not spank her.

    When Ivy woke up she immediately asked if she could be a character and I said no. I told her she could be a character after three days of making good decisions.

    That was two days ago as I’m writing this and Ivy’s behavior has improved 100-fold. Zero issues. Zero problems. Every day she has asked when she could be a character again. I’ve told her the day it can happen if she keeps doing a good job. She has accepted this.

    Now it’s Tuesday night and I’m writing this. She is very excited to be Justin Bieber tomorrow.

    I reminded her that if her actions revert back it will be another 3 days of no characters. I don’t think it will come to that. This has been a brutal 3 days for her.

    This is your reminder that prayer is real, and prayer is powerful.

    I was praying for help and I received it. I say again, I didn’t even realize what I was doing. It just came out of my mouth. “Ivy no more characters until you start to behave better.”

    I didn’t want to resort to spanking, but I thought I was out of options. I didn’t know what to do. With God, and prayer, there is always something else you can do.

    God answered my prayer that day and I’m so grateful for that. I know Ivy and Sage and Wren will have other challenges. They’ll never be perfect and I don’t want them to be. I hope they’ll accept that I’m extremely, very much, far from a perfect dad.

    But as their behavior is challenging and I think I’ve run out of options, I hope I can remember to pray.

    The Father of me, you, and the universe answers. In this life I’ll never be a perfect Father. But they still have a perfect Father.

    And He loves His children.

  • A Letter to my Brother

    A Letter to my Brother

    You think you’ve lived.

    You think you’ve loved.

    You think you’ve cried.

    You think you’ve felt.

    You haven’t felt anything yet.

    Prepare yourself.

    When that baby girl is born in June you’ll realize in one momentous second that you’ll never be the same.

    It’s the strangest thing. You’ve thought this whole time you’ve had a life and then in one moment you realize, “Woah.” Words can’t describe the moment a child is born. “Heart expanding” isn’t all encompassing enough. You’ve never had a heart until now. You realize all of a sudden every capacity to care and love that your being has possessed pales in comparison to this overwhelming feeling of care and protection you have for this helpless thing.

    It’s the craziest thing.

    Advice.

    Don’t blink. Dwell on how quickly time passes just enough to kick yourself into gear. So that when you’re tired, and, oh, you think you’ve been tired before now? You’ve never known tired. When you’re tired and grumpy and thinking you can’t wait until they just get out of diapers, or put on their own pants, or pour their own cereal, until you remember one day will be the last diaper, the last time helping them put on pants, the last time pouring their cereal. Remember every day that one day will be the last day for all these things, and it makes it easier.

    Don’t watch those “memories videos” iPhones make at any point after having a daughter. Unless you have 3 hours to spare melting into a puddle of sadness, joy, despair, and existential crisis thinking about how time goes by. And your girl grows.

    Don’t dwell on this too much or your heart will explode out of your chest.

    Don’t let the time go by without noticing.

    Don’t hate the sleepless nights too much, because, dare I even say, one day you’ll miss them.

    Many a father has experienced a new level of emotion when considering that their baby girl will one day grow up.

    So don’t miss a moment.

    Don’t listen to Beautiful Things once you have a daughter. Your heart can’t take it.

    Be careful listening to any songs.

    Be prepared for movies you used to enjoy taking on a whole new meaning. Hook is no longer a fun story about Peter Pan, it’s a story of fatherhood.

    You’ll have the HIGHEST highs and the lowest lows.

    In 5 years you’ll be a new person. You won’t even realize it’s happening. But one day you’ll realize, in an all-powerful moment – you are a new person. Probably a better person. You’ll learn so much you didn’t know you needed to learn.

    Your faith will grow. Your faith will be tested.

    Be a good father, and husband, at all costs. Nothing else matters as much as this.

    Be careful not to miss what she teaches you. Be like her.

    Don’t forget that children are angels sent from heaven and because of that, God will always watch over them, and you.

    Don’t forget to take her everywhere you can.

    Don’t forget that even sickness can be a blessing.

    ALWAYS embrace the chaos.

    I guess I could go on forever. But most of it you’ll have to learn on your own.

    Since you won’t be listening to Beautiful Things anymore I’ll give you my version:

    And I thank God every day
    For the girls He sent my way
    But I know the things He gives me
    He can take away

    And I hold them every night
    And that’s a feelin’ I never want to lose
    But there’s no man as terrified
    As the man who stands to lose

    Don’t be terrified. Just know time flies. Don’t waste it. Welcome to fatherhood.

  • Six Flags Trip Report June 2024

    Six Flags Trip Report June 2024

    Another Six Flags trip I don’t want to forget! They must all be documented for posterity. 

    Unlike the previous one in April of 2025, Beth did not plan to join this trip. Her sister was getting married and Beth already had plans to go solo. What was I to do with Beth and Wren set for their own trip?

    Six Flags, of course. 

    You’ll notice we often go in June. This is no coincidence. In the California heat, only the most dedicated are willing to wait in line for roller coasters. This means shorter lines. Six Flags trips are full of formative moments that turn my girls into true Quackenbush girls. Only the strong survive.

    Ivy (age 4.5 at this time), Sage (age 3 years 9 months at this time), and I (age “old” at this time) left at 3:45am Thursday morning. We were planning a classic arrive at Six Flags in time for opening and spend the day there.

    Ivy and Sage slept for the start of the drive. That changed at 6:00am when Ivy awoke… and started to throw up. 

    Luckily Ivy was officially the age where she recognized she wasn’t feeling well, giving me time for her to get a bag to throw up in. She handled it like a champ.  

    We stopped at the next gas station to get Ivy cleaned up and prepare for the remainder of our drive. 

    As we continued to drive, Ivy continued to get sick the entire way.  

    In between every “throw up session,” Ivy would immediately start saying, “I’m okay, I feel better, I want to go to Six Flags.” Her resilience was admirable, but even I was starting to doubt our upcoming day at Six Flags. 

    I recognize that many of you are reading this and saying, “What is wrong with you? You were actually thinking about still taking your 4.5 year old into Six Flags after throwing up for 4 hours during the drive there!?” Well, anything is possible.  

    We continued our drive and Ivy continued to be a champ. 

    We arrived at the pre-arranged meeting place with my family who was driving from Las Vegas. 

    Ivy’s throwing up was so persistent I started to think she wasn’t just carsick, but was really sick, as in a stomach bug. Turned out it almost certainly was car sickness because as soon we got to Wendy’s she was fine. She ate a bunch of food and said she wanted to go to Six Flags. Who was I to argue?

    My notes on the actual time in Six Flags from almost two years ago are pretty sparse. These are my exact notes from back then: 

    Fine at park (Ivy didn’t throw up again).

    Fine on rides (Ivy). 

    Ivy loves the Merry go Round even after a whole day of puking.

    Balance of kid and adult rides. 

    Sage joy. 

    Ivy joy. 

    Great sisters. 

    Difficulty at Crazanity. 

    That last one I can elaborate on. At the very end of the night Ivy and Sage finally began to struggle. We planned to end our day at one of our favorite rides, Crazanity. Ivy and Sage did phenomenally for many hours at Six Flags. At the very end Ivy started to get crazy and was picking on Sage. All in all, they did awesome.

    We left to go get dinner.  

    Remember when I said this a couple paragraphs ago: 

    “Ivy’s throwing up was so persistent I started to think she wasn’t just carsick, but was really sick, as in a stomach bug. Turned out it almost certainly was car sickness because as soon we got to Wendy’s she was fine.”

    Maybe it was car sickness, but Sage threw up at dinner that night and… proceeded to throw up all night.

    Here are my notes again from that time: 

    6/21/24

    Sage threw up all night. 

    Haven’t really slept much in 48 hours. 

    In the morning she had a blow out diaper, up to her neck in it, literally.  

    Breakfast. 

    Sage threw up all over herself on the way to the beach. 

    Beach. 

    Awesome beach day. Sun, weather, sand, waves, water temperature.  

    Activities – body surfing, football, botchy ball, Spikeball. 

    Much needed nap. 

    Sage slept most of the time on the beach, poor girl.  

    When she was awake, she was all joy and laughter. She loved the sand and the beach. Huge difference from our last beach day that was cold, windy, and miserable. 

    Amazing seeing the transformation of Ivy the last couple months. Bag in the car and cleaning herself up. Her at the beach – in the water, playing in the sand, taking a nap, playing independently, eating fruit. It’s like watching her mature and grow overnight. 

    A couple months ago Ivy would go nowhere near the ocean. Now she was playing a game running away from the water but being totally fine when it “caught” her and she ended up waist deep. 

    Left the beach and went to the hotel. 

    Pizza. 

    Hanging out in the room. 

    Morning breakfast. 

    Pack up and head out. 

    Ivy and Sage both not throwing up. Stop for lunch at 2:00pm at Arby’s where Beth won’t let us eat.

    Start driving back. Re-route to save 1 hour 6 minutes (who doesn’t do that?).  

    Unfortunately it took us through a winding canyon and Sage immediately threw up. Car sickness? Stomach bug? Beth would say Arby’s? Who knew at this point.

    Finish the ride. Oh, wait, with 8 minutes left in our journey (not kidding), Ivy threw up all over herself.

    Baths and bed. 

    Those are my original notes from the time and they seem good enough to paint the picture of the trip.

    These are trips I will forget because as I get older all these memories start to slip. One day soon I’ll read this back and cry extensive tears missing these days. I love my girls.

  • Good Samaritan Mechanic

    Good Samaritan Mechanic

    I referenced our “van issues” in this post about our trip to Six Flags in April 2024. It is a story worth telling even all this time later. The six hour drive turned into 10 hours. This is how.

    We were planning to drive to California. The van was packed and ready to go. 

    Beth had started not feeling well the day before. As our time for leaving approached, she voiced more concern about how she was feeling. I reassured her that she would be okay once we got going.

    We didn’t get far before Beth said she couldn’t do it. She was too sick to be in the car for 6 hours to California. 

    Back home we went. We dropped off Beth and quickly unloaded her essentials. When Six Flags beckons, only the strong survive (just kidding Beth *mwah). 

    Back on the road we went. Just me and my two little girls.  

    We purchased the van we were driving from Beth’s parents. It drove well and had a brand-new engine but had some aesthetic issues. As we were driving Ivy began the drive with her normal excitement about our trip. It didn’t take long for her and Sage to both be asleep. In the quiet I started to hear things. A scraping sound was coming from the bottom of the van. 

    I pulled over and looked at the front of the van. It looked okay. Then I noticed a protective wheel well liner, the protective covering near tires, was flapping. That’s what was dragging. It seemed okay so I kept driving. I was paying close attention and noted that it started to make a very disconcerting noise if I got to 65 miles per hour or above. I couldn’t drive to California going less than 65 the whole way. 

    This led to me literally doing a back and forth exercise for the next 45 minutes. I drove ahead a little, I turned around, I called my mom, I turned back around for California, I called my dad, I pulled over and looked again, I turned back around for home, I turned back around for California.

    Like the wheel well liner, I was torn on what to do. Six Flags was waiting! Only the strong survived! Was I going to let this keep us from our already planned trip? 

    We had our SUV at home so I could have gone back, unloaded the whole car, girls, everything, then got back on the road. We were only about 45 minutes on our way. There was another problem. My brother was meeting us and the hotel was in our name. I wondered if he’d be able to stay in the room. I was in a difficult spot, and I didn’t know what to do. 

    I was praying this whole time, looking for an answer.

    Finally I decided I couldn’t risk driving the van with my girls in the back all the way to California. I turned around for the final time to go home.  

    That’s when Beth texted me a new thought – what if I looked for a place that could just fix up that part so we could make the drive? I figured it was worth a shot. I looked up a repair shop nearby and drove to it. The place I ended up at didn’t look right but I was resigned to trying one place and then giving up. At this point it was still early enough that we could get to California in a reasonable time if we hurried.  

    I wasn’t sure where I’d ended up, but it wasn’t a normal auto-repair shop. I parked the girls in front and ran into the building. Once inside, I knew I wasn’t in the right place. It was a corporate office with a front desk. Why did my navigation bring me here? 

    I decided I was already this far so I might as well ask. I started to explain my situation to the girl at the front desk who looked panicked. Panicked girl went and got another lady.  

    The other lady showed up. This lady exuded a lot more confidence than panicked lady. I think it was panicked lady’s first week. 

    I started explaining, “This is a long shot, it doesn’t look like I’m in the right kind of place, but I’m trying to go on a trip to California, my girls are in the car, and we’re having an issue with the car. I was wondering if anyone could take a quick look and see if there might be an easy fix just so we can make the drive.” 

    To my surprise, the lady asked if she could come look at it. She walked out to the van with me and got down on the ground. She quickly assessed what the issue was. She was talking out loud and wondering if she could fix it with tape, or if she could screw it in, or if it could be ripped off altogether. She stood up. “Follow me.” 

    Okay… I jumped in the car and followed her slowly as she walked around the side of this corporate building. In the back of the building was a huge auto repair shop. This was the place cars went when they were totaled. It was a massive corporate building with a giant repair shop attached.

    I saw the lady walk up to a mechanic in his bay, in the middle of a dozen other mechanics in their bays. Why did she choose this man? He was in the middle of working on a car. After a quick conference with him, she walked over to me and told me he was going to look at the car and see what he could do. He pulled the car he was in the middle of working on out and guided me into the spot.  

    I pulled in, somewhat bewildered by the kindness being shown. He immediately got down and started evaluating the problem. He quickly determined what was needed.  

    The girls continued to sit in their car seats while I stood outside the car. I opened their doors so they could see me.  

    “What are we doing, Daddy?” Ivy asked. I told her we were seeing if this nice guy could help us get to California. 

    I started talking to the guy and learned he had 6 children of his own under the age of 16.  

    He stood up. He told me what I needed to get it fixed and be able to make our trip to California. I was confused. I asked if he knew of a repair shop that could help.  

    “Oh, I’ll do it. Just go buy the part and bring it back here and I’ll get it fixed up for you.” 

    I was still kind of taken aback by the help I was receiving. 

    I hastily reserved the part at a nearby shop and got in the car to go pick it up. When I got back to the repair shop with the required part, my new angel mechanic friend put the part on. While he was at it, he took care of two other items that needed addressing. All told he spent over an hour fixing things on the van.

    At one point during the fix, what seemed to be the mechanic’s supervisor came by to see how some other work was coming along. I got worried, was I going to get this selfless good Samaritan in trouble? My mechanic (whose name, if you haven’t noticed, I embarrassingly can’t remember) explained how he was working on something and gave the timeline for that other car to get done. The supervisor was completely understanding and told him to take his time. This place seemed to have a phenomenal work environment.  

    When he finished his work, I still had the nerves of considering the drive to California in a car I wasn’t sure I could trust. I asked him if everything was good and if he would feel comfortable driving his family in it now.

    He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I wouldn’t send you away from here if I wasn’t confident those two girls would be safe.” 

    I was touched. As I re-read my writing of this story, and just remember that moment, of this man I didn’t know pausing his whole day to help me and then assuring me that my two daughters’ safety was the most important thing in the world to him, I’m just in awe of the kindness shown. 

    When Beth suggested seeing if the car could be fixed real quick, I said a prayer. I asked my Heavenly Father for help. I asked Him, if it was possible for us to still make our trip to California, to help me find a place that could fix the car. 

    After I picked up the part I needed and was driving back to the location with my good Samaritan, I was trying to search for the place. I knew its location, I was able to retrace my steps back to it, but I was curious how I ended up there in the first place. I couldn’t remember what I’d searched to find it. 

    “Car repair shop.” 

    “Mechanic nearby.” 

    “Car maintenance.” 

    “Auto shop by me.” 

    “Auto repair garage.” 

    “Car parts.” 

    On and on I tried. I couldn’t remember what I searched for, but surely it was one of those options. Nothing brought me back to that corporate garage. How did I get there in the first place? I still don’t know. 

    I’ve since (these two years later) spent considerable time searching Google Maps and various keywords to try to find this place. I don’t have a phenomenal sense of direction and honestly have very little clue of the rough area I was in. I’ve scoured Google Maps for mechanic, demolition, and salvage shops in the area I thought I was in. It’s like the place disappeared, an angelic phantom of my imagination that did real, concrete work on our van. The only proof I have that the place existed are the still present fixes on our van.

    I asked the mechanic if I could pay him. I knew what his answer would be. 

    “Knowing those girls are going to have a great trip with their dad, that’s reward enough.” 

    I told him and the woman that I prayed for help and believe I was led there. In an increasingly non-spiritual world, it was nice when they agreed and were happy to be the answers to my prayer. 

    What were the odds of arriving at that place, and meeting a woman willing to go outside and get on the ground to look at the fender of a van, and then be led to a man, and that man be willing to drop what he was doing in his busy day to fix that van – all for no payment, reward, or recognition in return? They were a real answer to prayer, real angels. 

    I’m grateful for kindness and good people. I did nothing to deserve this kindness. It is people like those individuals that make this world a better place. They exemplify why we’re here and I thank them for their example to me of selfless service.  

    Now I can’t believe it’s been almost two years since this experience. I want to send cookies, or this thank you, or anything. But I can’t find them. While I desperately want to thank those two people, maybe this just makes it more of a miracle. I ended up there miraculously as an answer to prayer, and it’s as if the place disappeared after.

    Those two people will never see this but thank you. That became a memorable trip for me and my girls. More importantly, I was reminded that there are still exceptionally good, amazing people out there. 

  • Growing Up

    Growing Up

    I recently saw a compilation video. This video showed dads seeing their daughters with their boyfriends for the first time.

    This made me think about when this will happen to me one day.

    I started to think about Ivy, Sage, and Wren one day growing up. I started to think about my Ivy, my partner, my girl who cuddles with me at every chance and always wants to play. I thought about her growing up.

    I started to feel an intense pain in my chest. Like serious, gotta stop thinking this kind of pain.

    I don’t know if other parents get this.

    You know those “memories” videos that iPhones create? IPhone takes all your photos for a year or something and puts them together with emotional music in the background. I can watch them in very limited spurts. I will definitely start bawling my eyes out. Tears are the best case scenario. Worst case, the aforementioned heart pain extends to my whole body and it feels like my body will explode.

    This will sound like an exageration. It is not. It is a real feeling.

    You’ll notice above when I talked about Ivy cuddling with me and always wanting to play, I stopped there. I could have listed a million other examples of the loving affection between us. I could have used more examples with Sage and Wren.

    But as I type these thoughts and consider them getting older, my chest starts to hurt, and my eyes fill, and I have to stop. There’s a reason I’m not getting more detailed.

    My love for them is so all encompassing, so palpable, so excruciating, that I feel physical, overwhelming pain when I think about it one day changing. I know it has to change, one day. Until that day…

    Having three kids now five and under (because Ivy is five, yeah, let’s not talk about it), is extremely, extremely hard. It’s taxing. It feels like almost every day is a marathon that never ends. Sometimes I’ll find myself thinking I just want it to be over. I want them to be able to pour their own cereal and put on their own pants and wipe their own bum.

    Then Ivy started putting on her own pants and pouring her own cereal. Sage started wiping her own bum.

    And as I type this, and the screen becomes blurry, I remember to embrace the bum wipings and all the mundane. Because one day might be the last day Ivy says, “Daddy, do you want to play with me?”

    I hope that day never comes. But I guess it probably will.

    Okay. I need to stop now.

    Am I the only one? What is this love? A father for his daughters.

    I’ll be patient, one more month
    You’ll wrap your fingers ’round my thumb
    Times are changing, I know, but who am I if
    I’m the person you become
    If I’m still growing up