Answer to prayer – but not what you expect!
One of the most spiritual experiences I ever had, referenced in the post You Sent a Dog to Comfort a Boy, happened in the basement of my Aunt and Uncle’s home. Go read the post to get some back story on why I was there, ie soul searching.
During that trip, by some coincidence, my cousin had his farewell to go on his mission. I went to the farewell and I felt stuff. I felt an urge. I felt guidance. I came to Utah to search my soul and here it was.
That night I went back to the bedroom I’d been staying in. With just Bengie (my aunt, uncle, and cousin’s dog) in the room I knelt, and I prayed. I prayed like I hadn’t in so long. I asked what I was supposed to do.
Have you heard the story of Jonah and the whale? For those who don’t know, the Bible tells us that Jonah, a prophet of God, was commanded to go to Nineveh to prophesy to its inhabitants. He was to command them to repent and preach of their forthcoming destruction if they refused. Nineveh was described as a scary place. It was a near certainty Jonah would be murdered upon telling the inhabitants of their wickedness.
I always heard that story and couldn’t imagine, couldn’t comprehend. GOD told Jonah to do something. If God tells you to do something – you do it! It doesn’t matter how afraid you are or how scary it is. You DO WHAT GOD COMMANDS. Especially when it’s that clear. If God told you to do something, you would listen, wouldn’t you?
That’s what I always thought.
That night in the basement I asked what I should do next with my life. The answer couldn’t have been clearer if an angel appeared in the room and said it to my face. I knew. I needed to go on a mission. I can’t stress this enough. I knew what I was supposed to do.
Then the doubts. “I can’t go on a mission. Where would I even begin? I have so much to repent of. I don’t even know who to go to” were my thoughts. Also, I would have to give a GOING AWAY speech like I just watched my cousin give that very day. Out of the question. The thought of getting up in church and giving a talk was enough to make me feel sick. I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid. On top of that I had big plans in the coming weeks. It was my friend’s birthday and we had partying to do. You know, the important stuff. I couldn’t repent NOW.
In the story of Jonah he gets on a ship to run away (From God- I know, crazy). But here I was, running away from God. I pretended like I didn’t know the answer to my prayer, but I knew. I ran. I ran away.
I didn’t get swallowed by a whale. Instead I moved on, distracted and forgetting.
After Jonah’s whale incident, he finally agrees to do what God asked of him. He was spit up on the shore of Nineveh and followed what God asked him to do.
I think in a way, the few years after that moment in the basement, I was figuratively in a storm and swallowed by a whale. Not for three days but for four years. Eventually God had the whale spit me back up on shore.
You’d think I missed my chance, right? I never went on a mission. For a long time I thought I could never be forgiven for ignoring God. Then I got my patriarchal blessing. In it I am told to trouble myself not over lost days. I can’t explain in words the comfort that simple phrase gave to me.
Back to Jonah. He ignored God. Yet still, somehow, God used Jonah’s mistakes to bring about His work. I don’t know how God makes up for our mistakes. It recently occurred to me that in that basement I gave the first sincere prayer in a long time. Then I ignored God. I showed a modicum of faith followed by an excess of fear. After that I found a job in Arizona, I settled down, and have been here in Arizona ever since. Then I returned to church. Now I’m here, writing to you, hopefully you’ve stuck with me this far.
It’s so much better to do what God asks the first time. I think we avoid a lot of heartache if we do. But never forget – trouble yourself not over lost days. God will have you spit up on shore when you’re ready. When you’re really ready to trust in Him. It took me some time. Somehow, He accepted that. Somehow, He waited. I’m not saying I’ll ever fully make up for disobedience, not sure exactly how that works. But I know that Christ will forgive me because He loves me. There is no greater comfort than that.
No Coincidences 