No Coincidences

Tag: marriage

  • Adultery and Card Sharks

    Adultery and Card Sharks

    I was recently watching one of my all-time favorite game shows: Card Sharks. I was watching old episodes from 1978. A timeless treasure is Card Sharks.

    Anyways, the show is filled with questions about human nature. They would poll 100 people, 100 Playboy Bunnies, 100 women in a studio audience, 100 men, etc etc and the contestants would guess how many out of a hundred would think a certain way. The other contestant then guesses if the actual number is higher or lower than their opponent’s estimate.

    The question was asked:

    “In a confidential poll, we asked 100 married men, have you ever considered having an affair? How many married men said, yes, they had considered having an affair?”

    The contestant guessed that 68 (!) married men had considered having an affair.

    “Lower!” I yelled at the TV. My guess was 16.

    Imagine my shock at the correct answer: 40! I was dumbstruck. 40 out of 100 men in 1978 said they had considered having an affair.

    Now, a sad question to consider, do you think that number has gotten higher or lower?

    27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

    28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

    –Matthew 5:27-28

    I once had a conversation with a friend that was soon to be married. I asked him point blank, would you ever cheat on your wife? He adamantly said no. He said if you’re going to be married then you commit to never even consider that.

    I agreed. I told him that marriage is sacred. Despite society treating marriage with the ultimate disrespect, like it’s some casual commitment that can be set aside whenever it becomes inconvenient, that is not what marriage is. Marriage is a binding promise. Marriage is a covenant. That’s why we do it in front of friends and family. Have you thought about that? Weddings aren’t for the party, extravagance, and fun. Weddings serve an important purpose. Weddings are an opportunity to stand before all our loved ones as witnesses, and promise before every person present that we are entering a binding agreement with someone we love.

    As long as I remember I knew one thing about myself. That one thing was that I would never, ever, under any circumstances, cheat on my wife. That’s important to me. It’s a point of honor. I made a promise not only to Beth, but to God, that I would be faithful to my wife.

    So the question, would I ever consider having an affair?

    No.

  • One Eternal Round

    One Eternal Round

    I started making some bad decisions in high school. These decisions nearly derailed my life.

    During that time I was becoming friendly with a girl. She knew about some of my bad decision-making.

    One night when we were hanging out I told her I would never get married anywhere but a temple. This interested her. Why, she wondered, would someone like me, who seemingly cared nothing for this religion that I was raised with, care about a temple marriage?

    I explained to her that I believed my church was true. If my church was true, then it held the authority to marry couples for eternity. That church, therefore, sealed families for eternity. I told her if I married someone I didn’t want it to end after we died. If I were to ever get married, I wanted it to be for eternity.

    When I was in college my decision making had gotten increasingly worse.

    On a night I don’t remember, it was later told to me that I bore my testimony to a girl at a party. I don’t remember any of this. Apparently, religion came up and I told her I knew the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was Jesus Christ’s church on the earth.

    This girl asked the obvious question, “If you know it’s true, why are you doing the things you’re doing?”

    I’m told I said that even though I wasn’t living the standards of the church, I couldn’t deny what I knew to be true.

    That testimony that I don’t remember had a big impact on that girl.

    Years later that first girl from high school sent me a postcard. That girl from high school had gotten baptized. Her postcard was one of a few critical moments that helped me come back to church and changed my life.

    A month after that postcard, in the midst of my difficult journey back to church, I stumbled upon a Facebook message that had gotten blocked and I’d never seen. It was from years prior. It was from the girl at the college party, the girl I bore a drunken testimony to.

    She told me she’d gotten baptized. She told me she had never let me know how big an impact that testimony had on her ultimately getting baptized. I visited her and her budding family. She was sealed in the temple. She had an eternal family. She was happy. It gave me strength to continue on the path of repentance that was so, so hard.

    The girl from high school got married in the temple and now has three kids. She has an eternal family. She is happy.

    A patriarchal blessing is extremely sacred. I share a short line from my blessing with the utmost reverence:

    “Trouble not yourself over lost days, for you are an eternal being”

    I can’t tell you how comforting those words were when I was trying to find strength to stay faithful, and how important those words continue to be to me.

    It is all one eternal round to God (D&C 3:2). He knew I would stumble. What did He do when I stumbled? Put two people in my path that I could somehow, inexplicably, impact at my lowest, during my most degraded behaviors.

    What did He do?

    He put those two people back in my path when they could help me back. He put two people back into my life to help me remember what I always knew, what I was getting dangerously close to forgetting. He put two people in my path to remind me who I was. I am nothing special of myself, but I am a son of God. That is special.

    I marvel at the workings of God. That He loves us so much that He gave us a world so we could leave our Heavenly home, just as children leave their homes here on earth to go out and learn, and grow, and fall. He gave us an earth to fall. But He allowed us a way back.

    I know there is a way back.

    I know that Jesus Christ allows that way back.

    I know that God planned for everything. We are His work and His glory.

    I can never deny what I know.

  • Why can’t Anyone go in an LDS Temple?

    Why can’t Anyone go in an LDS Temple?

    In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our temples are sacred. Many people know this by the fact that they aren’t allowed in. This can, understandably, cause some negative emotions. Nobody likes to be excluded from anything.

    I heard an anecdote that really stuck with me.

    A man was telling a story about when he was a missionary and held Q&A sessions with local churches in the Bible Belt south. One of these sessions, a nice little elderly woman asked a not so nice question, “Why is your church exclusionary and doesn’t let people into your temples?”

    The man explained that he immediately realized this woman wasn’t able to attend the sealing of someone she cared about, which created this understandable animosity. He asked the old woman and learned she wasn’t able to attend the temple sealing of a beloved granddaughter.

    A somewhat standard response to this question is that it is about worthiness, that you must be worthy to enter the temple. Many Biblical examples can be used to illustrate this point.

    As the man was about to respond this way, he felt an impression to not give this standard response. He realized talking about worthiness wouldn’t be right with this woman. This was a Bible loving, Christ loving, Bible belt evangelical Christian. Telling her she wasn’t worthy wouldn’t be fair.

    Personally, I would have explained covenants in this moment. That one needs to make sacred covenants to enter certain places. This man received an altogether different impression, and this is the part that struck me.

    He asked her, “Do you believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.”

    She replied, “No offense, but no.”

    He asked her, “Do you believe this is Christ’s true church on the face of the earth?”

    She replied, “No offense, no, I don’t believe that.”

    He asked her, “Do you believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet?”

    She replied, “No offense, no.”

    Each time he told her he didn’t blame her for not believing it. That if it weren’t for the witness of the spirit to him, he wouldn’t believe it himself. He then asked her, “Do you believe that ancient prophets came to earth to bestow the keys of the sealing power to bind on earth what is bound in heaven as Matthew details in chapter 16?”

    She replied, “That’s in Matthew 16? I never thought of that. But no, I don’t believe that.”

    The man told her that’s OK, but he does believe all those things. Then he transitioned somewhere I did not expect, the story of Jairus’s daughter being raised from the dead (Mark 5:22-43, Luke 8:40-56).

    The man asked her if she knew the story and of course this avid Bible studier knew it.

    He directed her attention to the moment when Christ arrived at the home. The girl was dead. Those there mourning mocked Christ when He said she was just sleeping.

    Then what did Christ do?

    He “put them all out.”

    Christ had to remove all the lack of faith from the room. Christ, the Master. He let Peter, James, and John stay. He let the mother and the father stay. They had faith. He removed all those that didn’t believe.

    The man explained that when he goes to a temple, it’s not a marriage ceremony. It’s not until death do us part. Just like when Christ brought that girl back from the dead, telling death that it had no power before Him, the same is happening in temples. The priesthood power of temple sealing is telling death, “You can’t have this couple. This couple is protected. This couple is sealed. Even in death, death can not split them up. They are one. They are united.” It’s as if Christ Himself is saying, “They are mine, and you cannot have them.”

    That is what happens in Christ’s temples. Couples are sealed.

    The man then explained that when he attends a temple sealing, his faith becomes part of it. He contributes his faith to that couple. His provides his belief that they will be sealed for eternity.

    He then explained, “You admitted you don’t believe these things. Would you mingle your lack of belief in a place of faith? Would you have Christ keep the nonbelievers in the room to see the miracle?”

    Now, this isn’t the only reason people who aren’t members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can’t enter temples. Worthiness is a part of it. As I already mentioned, covenants are a part of it.

    But I loved this part I’d never thought about, faith is also part of it.

    I am grateful that God provided a plan and His Son so that I can be sealed to my family for eternity. I love my family. I never want to leave them. Now I look at Ivy, Sage, Beth. I can’t fathom a life without them. They are everything. I thank God every day for the sealing power and the gift He has allowed me to be sealed to them for time and all eternity.

  • What is Love? And Fatty Steak Pieces

    What is Love? And Fatty Steak Pieces

    Short post.

    I was eating leftovers from a meal Beth made the other night. It was a steak, vegetables, and rice bowl. I was eating the leftovers and every piece of meat I was getting was half fat. I don’t like fatty meat. It’s one of the few foods I don’t like. I started picking out the fatty pieces of meat from my bowl and realized half of them were thus afflicted.

    The strange part was we’d just had this meal and I didn’t remember any fatty pieces.

    I asked Beth, “When you scooped up my bowl the other night, did you intentionally scoop up the non-fatty pieces?”

    She replied that she had.

    That is love.

    Love is choosing the non-fatty pieces of meat when scooping up your husband’s plate because you know they don’t like it.

  • Impactful Moments

    Impactful Moments

    In Gravity of God, I wrote about how God is the center of our universe and how His faith and His action holds it all together. I discussed how us being here is an opportunity for us to test how we will use our faith and actions to influence and impact people.

    Will we have a God-like influence of love, help, support, giving, charity, and selflessness to those around us? Or will we use our influence to be more in Satan’s camp of selfishness, hate, judgment, pride, and animosity?

    Our actions matter. We’re here to see how we’ll use the talents and gifts we’ve been given.

    Some moments carry more weight than others.

    I believe everyone we interact with in this life is meant to teach us something. Do you consider the interactions you have to be significant? Do you believe the things that happen to you have meaning? How about the things you do to others?

    I believe when someone is unkind to me here for any reason – they’re here to teach me something.

    I believe when someone does something I disagree with – they’re here to teach me something.

    I believe when someone is kind to me or a good example to me – they’re here to teach me something.

    All these moments matter, and some moments have lasting importance.

    There are so many mundane and average moments in a day. I’m talking about the, “How are you today?” “Good.” “Good.”

    Then there are conversations that change our worldviews, make us think, or expand our horizons. There are some conversations that make us think about eternity. There are some conversations that prepare us for eternity.

    I’ve been given so much in this life.

    I know where I come from, why I’m here, and where I’m going, while so many around me don’t have these answers. Part of the reason I think I’m here and why I’ve been given so much is so that I can share it with others. If everyone around me is asking the important question – why am I here? And I know the answer, and I’m not sharing it with them, then I’m the most selfish person there is.

    Why do you think I put the time and effort into writing this? One day I want to tell God I tried my best to share what He gave me.

    Anyways.

    There is one topic that can be brought up in any conversation and will immediately change the moment from mundane and borderline meaningless to extraordinarily impactful and important. That topic is God.

    I was at a bachelor party once. We went to Palm Springs for a long weekend. Got a house. Played a lot of pool and video games. The rest of the party played golf. I found ways to fill my time while they played golf.

    There were two conversations I had that weekend that were memorable and impactful.

    While playing pool one night, somehow religion got brought up. I’m sure I helped us into that direction one way or another. Me and another guy in the group who I didn’t know very well started talking about eternity, church, and the gospel.

    That conversation was years ago. And seemingly nothing came about from it. But I still remember what that guy said at one point. He said, “When God gets brough up, the conversation changes. It becomes real. Even if it’s slightly or fully contentious, it’s still good if God is in the conversation.”

    He was so right, and it’s the reason I’m writing this.

    He probably doesn’t consciously remember that conversation. But I believe his spirit does. I really believe we keep a record of all we hear, see, and learn here on earth. And one day he’ll see that moment again and I hope it was as impactful as it felt.

    The other conversation that happened was on the drive back. I was in the car with the groom to be and a friend.

    We were talking about the upcoming wedding and what that meant, the topic of marriage, fidelity, vows, our bodies, drinking, habits, and growth were discussed. I know those topics sound wide-ranging. It was a long drive.

    I came out of that conversation feeling like we’d talked about something so important.

    Every mundane conversation is exactly that, mundane, until God is brought up.

    Have more meaningful conversations.