No Coincidences

Tag: meditation

Vulnerable

I listened to a self-love, guided meditation this morning. I was guided to picture myself as a young boy. The prompt was to say comforting words to that young boy. May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. Each of these was followed with the guidance to remember a time I felt those things. “Remember a time you felt safe.”

As I pictured that young boy in my mind, using old pictures and old family home videos to conjure up what I looked like, a deep emotion came over me. I started to cry.

As I picture that young boy, and as I picture myself today, I see my father, my dad. What pressures did he feel raising 6 kids, working, going to school, and trying to keep it all together?

I worry. I fear. I doubt. I pray daily that I can have patience and comfort in God’s plan. I am so blessed. Being blessed doesn’t always make this life easy. This life is challenging. It’s meant to be.

I don’t think we talk often enough about the pressures of fatherhood. There are now two lives that completely depend on me for everything: Food, water, home, toys. (Of course, Beth is here too and I in no way mean to take away from motherhood).

I have a family that relies on me to provide. There is a level of pressure that comes along with this that isn’t discussed often enough.

I love this video:

It perfectly captures fatherhood.

I feel happy, safe, healthy, and loved because of what a Father (God) has always provided for me, and for much of my life a father has provided for me.

I know we should be able to talk about it, the pressures, but dads don’t. We walk around with a burden and a pressure. It sometimes feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Little lives depend on us. We work, trying to provide a life for our children. We come home and we continue to work. We are horses, we are friends, we are disciplinarians, we are a lot.

If you have a father in your life that seems like he has it all together, if you see a father around you that seems stressed, if you interact with a father that seems angry, if you have a father in your life that seems frustrated, if you see a father that seems like he’s carrying a heavy burden that he can’t share with anyone: he probably is. Hug that man. Fathers need more hugs. Not hugs of pity but hugs of sympathy, hugs of appreciation, hugs of understanding. Understanding that this world is stressful. This life is hard. This life can be scary. And sometimes, as a father, you feel you’re the one battling back those realizations and experiences for your kids for as many moments as you possibly can. That is a difficult task. Because one day your children will learn what you have learned. That life can be hard and scary. You protect them from it as long as you can, but one day they will know.

As a father, knowing that day will one day come for your little, precious gifts can pull your heart, stretch it in a nearly painful way. And you can realize how your (Heavenly) Father feels, watching us grow in sometimes painful ways.

I know that fatherhood is important. I know that it’s hard. I know that it’s rewarding.

I know I have a Father that allows me these experiences so I can grow. I know I have a father here that did so much for me while I grew to my own realization that life is hard. I was sheltered for so long. And I owe that to loving parents here, and there.

I am grateful to them for that.

October 13, 2022
Road Trips

I consider myself a relatively laid-back individual. I have some high-strung tendencies that I try to keep under control. I would hope most people would say I’m a “go with the flow” kind of person.

There is one specific circumstance where all my patience, laid-back, go-with-the-flow ability goes right out the window. That’s for road trips.

I know I’m not alone on this. I’m one of those people that considers the 4.5 hour trip to Las Vegas as a Nascar race. That analogy holds true more for pit stops than in actual speed. I consider a bathroom break a great opportunity for that semi-truck I so meticulously passed to quickly catch right back up to me.

This angst once on the road starts well before we even enter the car. The week leading up to a trip I’m constantly thinking about what I need to do, what I need to pack, creating a checklist of what I need to pack, double and triple checking my list of what I need to pack, etc.

I drive Beth absolutely crazy. I’ve tried to tone it down for her sake. I’ve tried to “enjoy the ride.” She can comment on how successful I’ve been in that.

Last week we were travelling for Christmas. Imagine my average travel angst multiplied by 10. What presents do we need to bring? Are they wrapped? Did we bring warm clothes? On and on it goes. Which is why the coincidence of my Monday guided meditation was bizarre in its timing.

It was literally titled, “Daily Trip – My Urgency Story.” The meditation was described as “the antidote to your own urgency story.”

I listened to it a couple times throughout the week to try to mellow myself out. I’m not going to provide any advice here on mellowing out on trips. I already posted a hypocritical post two weeks ago. Don’t need another.

All I’ll say is this: if you think God doesn’t have a vested interest in your day-to-day life, stop and look.

That’s all.

He’s always watching and helping. We just need to see it.

No Coincidences.

December 30, 2021
What to do with all the Love

I was meditating and thanking God for all He has given me in this life. It was the day after Thanksgiving. I had just watched Ivy with so much love around her, as detailed in Love has Afforded Me Much. Ivy was surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, second cousins, great uncles, great aunts and the list goes on. She was receiving so much love.

That visual again brought me to realizing and remembering that was me 30 years ago. I was the one having love poured out on me. It brought me to a repeated thought: what did I do to deserve this?

What did I do to deserve the family I was born into? Now, how lucky I am to be one half of the uniting of two families – the Quackenbushes and the Cannons. How blessed will Ivy be from a life of love from those two extended families she’s been born into?

How blessed have I been from being born into the Leaches and the Quackenbushes? An un-quantifiable amount of blessed.

Where does that blessing come from? Where does it stem from? What was the catalyst of this blessed, love-filled life I’ve been given? The catalyst, the starting point, is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Three of my four grandparents converted to the church. My fourth grandparent came from a faithful family back to the days of Joseph Smith. I am forever grateful for my grandparents and the generations of love and family they’ve created.

A similar story can be said from Beth’s side of the family, the Cannons and Vauterlauses.

The thought that occurred to me while meditating, to add to how Love has Afforded me Much, was this: I started to pray to God to please bless all those who didn’t have all the love Ivy had on Thanksgiving Day. All those who don’t have great family dynamics, who feel lonely, who feel lost, who feel afraid; I asked God to let them feel His love. I asked Him to spare no angels in pouring out blessings on those who don’t feel loved in this world.

Then it occurred to me. Love has Afforded me Much. God has given me a surplus of love. A love I can’t quantify. It’s my responsibility to share that excess of love I’ve been blessed with, with God’s children, my brothers and sisters across the globe. I pray that I can share the love that’s been given to me with those around me.

I believe the greatest thing I can do to share that love, the greatest thing any one of us can do that have been given (Luke 12:48) so (D&C 82:3) much (Boyd K. Packer), is to share the source of that love. The source of that love is Jesus Christ, His Gospel, His Church. It is our responsibility to share with others what has blessed us so.

Love is important. Supporting someone, listening to someone, loving someone, these are all noble. But what of generational love? What of the love that permeates through families – of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren? That’s what my grandparents created. That love started with missionaries sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with three of my grandparents, and with the gospel being shared to one of my Great Great Grandparents by Joseph Smith.

I am grateful for this Church. I am grateful for the blessing it has been to me and my family. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me this greatest of all blessings. I feel a noble responsibility, a beautiful weight to share it with others. My wish is that the world can accept Jesus Christ and experience the love he has to share.

I love Jesus Christ, and I am forever grateful to Him.

December 2, 2021
You are Loved, You are Worthy

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.”

Think about that statement for a moment.

I heard this quote in a recent meditation I did. The meditation guided this visual exercise: Picture yourself as a child, truly picture it. Picture yourself as a baby. Picture yourself on someone’s lap. Picture yourself being held, comforted, and played with. Picture yourself laughing joyfully as someone makes a funny face at you. Picture yourself young and innocent.

You don’t have to earn worthiness; you don’t have to earn love. You are loved because you are.

The next time you don’t feel worthy, picture yourself as a child. You are worthy.

This exercise led me to an even more powerful thought. One that speaks not only to our worthiness here, but to our birthright and our eternal potential.

Consider Adam for a moment, the first man. When he came to this earth, we are told he was as a child. Adam came to earth meek and humble, a child-like individual. He had forgotten who he was. Who he was in reality was Michael the archangel, the chief angel. Adam was Michael, the angel second in authority. His authority was only exceeded by Jesus Christ Himself (and God, of course). In Hebrew the name Michael means “Who is like God.” This Michael came to earth with his mind wiped clean, with no recollection of his prior authority, no memory of his prior self.

What about us? What don’t we remember about ourselves?

The next time you are insecure, unsure, or afraid, remember that you are a child of divine inheritance. You are a prince or princess of the most High God. Consider that for a moment.

Not only are you loved and worthy of love, you are loved by the God of the universe. You are in line to inherit all He has to offer (D&C 84:38). Remember that, and don’t forget it. Hold to it.

We are as children here. We don’t remember our past. For all we know, we were spiritual giants. We are spiritual giants. We can be spiritual giants. Embrace that identity. Remember who you might be. Remember who it is you have been tutored by. The God of Heaven and Earth. When we embrace this way of thinking and embrace this possibility, the difficult things of this earth become so inconsequential. Our true potential is greatness. May we never forget it.

October 7, 2021
Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

We’ve been having a difficult time with Ivy’s sleeping the last couple weeks. This morning I woke up and Beth was awake. I asked if Ivy got up during the night.

Beth laughed.

Not a good sign.

Beth said yes Ivy did get up during the night. She said she was rocking Ivy and could tell that Ivy was not going to go back to sleep. So she did something drastic.

Warning: this strategy is not recommended, and we know full and well this is NOT a good idea.

Beth said she GOT IN IVY’S CRIB WITH HER. My first thoughts, it didn’t break?

I looked at Beth and said instead, “…is that ok?”

Beth responded that of course no, it’s not ideal. It’s not safe and the crib could have broken. All bad things. Like the title of the post says, Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures.

Beth continued to tell me that after a while she got out of the crib and successfully returned to our bedroom. A hero had slain the dragon. A cute little booty-up-in-the-air-dragon, but a dragon nonetheless.

She said she got into bed and Ivy started to stir and cry. Beth asked me if I remembered in the middle of the night her saying, “oh no.” Beth told me I then started patting her on her back. I vaguely remember this.

But then a miracle happened! Ivy went back to sleep. Hallelujah.

After hearing Beth’s tale, I started to meditate to prepare for the day. My mind drifted to this story as the mind is wont to do during meditation. I thought about that moment when Ivy cried and very well should have continued screaming until one of us came to get her.

A past successful night of sleep resistance. The smug face of a champion saying, “I’m the boss here,” cross-legged and all.

The coolest visual came to me as I was meditating. You see, that night was the first time in months that I slept a night without getting out of bed. MONTHS.

This is the visual that came to me. Ivy started to cry, and God said, “someone do something!” And a legion, thousands of angels came pouring out of heaven to comfort and console Ivy back to sleep. Heavenly Father was like, “give that man one full night in his bed.”

It was a true miracle and that’s the only possible explanation.

So I say, thank you Heavenly Father, I sure needed that.

After a good night’s sleep

Sleep training here we come.

September 16, 2021