The Holy Ghost is the Holy Spirit; he is the Holy Spirit promised the saints at baptism, or in other words the Holy Spirit of Promise, this exalted name-title signifying that the promised receipt of the Holy Spirit, as on the day of Pentecost, is the greatest gift man can receive in mortality.
Bruce R. McConkie
I recently read this quote and the truth of the statement hit me. This seemed a fitting thought after last week’s post talking about the gift the gospel has been in my life. I believe that quote is a powerful reminder for those of us who have been blessed with this great gift. The gospel is a blessing in part due to this great gift, the gift of the Holy Ghost.
I can’t wait to teach Ivy of this most extraordinary gift and to watch her receive it for herself. I know the Holy Ghost is a guiding force and has blessed my life more than I will ever understand while on this earth. One day I will know.
I’m grateful for this constant companion (D&C 121:46), this friend, this comforter. I am never alone when the Holy Ghost is within me. What a blessing that gift is. The greatest in this life.
I was meditating and thanking God for all He has given me in this life. It was the day after Thanksgiving. I had just watched Ivy with so much love around her, as detailed in Love has Afforded Me Much. Ivy was surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, second cousins, great uncles, great aunts and the list goes on. She was receiving so much love.
That visual again brought me to realizing and remembering that was me 30 years ago. I was the one having love poured out on me. It brought me to a repeated thought: what did I do to deserve this?
What did I do to deserve the family I was born into? Now, how lucky I am to be one half of the uniting of two families – the Quackenbushes and the Cannons. How blessed will Ivy be from a life of love from those two extended families she’s been born into?
How blessed have I been from being born into the Leaches and the Quackenbushes? An un-quantifiable amount of blessed.
Where does that blessing come from? Where does it stem from? What was the catalyst of this blessed, love-filled life I’ve been given? The catalyst, the starting point, is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Three of my four grandparents converted to the church. My fourth grandparent came from a faithful family back to the days of Joseph Smith. I am forever grateful for my grandparents and the generations of love and family they’ve created.
A similar story can be said from Beth’s side of the family, the Cannons and Vauterlauses.
The thought that occurred to me while meditating, to add to how Love has Afforded me Much, was this: I started to pray to God to please bless all those who didn’t have all the love Ivy had on Thanksgiving Day. All those who don’t have great family dynamics, who feel lonely, who feel lost, who feel afraid; I asked God to let them feel His love. I asked Him to spare no angels in pouring out blessings on those who don’t feel loved in this world.
Then it occurred to me. Love has Afforded me Much. God has given me a surplus of love. A love I can’t quantify. It’s my responsibility to share that excess of love I’ve been blessed with, with God’s children, my brothers and sisters across the globe. I pray that I can share the love that’s been given to me with those around me.
I believe the greatest thing I can do to share that love, the greatest thing any one of us can do that have been given (Luke 12:48) so (D&C 82:3) much (Boyd K. Packer), is to share the source of that love. The source of that love is Jesus Christ, His Gospel, His Church. It is our responsibility to share with others what has blessed us so.
Love is important. Supporting someone, listening to someone, loving someone, these are all noble. But what of generational love? What of the love that permeates through families – of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren? That’s what my grandparents created. That love started with missionaries sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with three of my grandparents, and with the gospel being shared to one of my Great Great Grandparents by Joseph Smith.
I am grateful for this Church. I am grateful for the blessing it has been to me and my family. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me this greatest of all blessings. I feel a noble responsibility, a beautiful weight to share it with others. My wish is that the world can accept Jesus Christ and experience the love he has to share.
I love Jesus Christ, and I am forever grateful to Him.
*Author’s note: I asked Beth to proofread this before sharing. I put off posting it for weeks because of my hesitation in sharing something like this about my past. Beth’s response, “Why wouldn’t you share it? It’s what got you here.”
“Cocaine takes your soul.” A statement I heard a while back on a podcast.
I’ve long wanted to write a “drugs” post, but I haven’t known how to approach it. It was a big step for me to start sharing publicly about how I used to drink. Now I use my past experiences with drinking to understand the struggles others can have because I’ve been there. It makes me really uncomfortable to share something like, “I used to do drugs.” Vulnerability, uncertainty at how people I love will take this information, Ivy reading this one day… Admitting something like that was never something I thought I’d do. But Beth’s comment was right. Those choices led to where I am today, so why not share it? If I’ve truly changed, why do those past decisions matter that much? If I truly believe Christ has washed away my sins through His Atonement, what am I hiding? Maybe somebody can benefit from my experience.
So, before I continue, let’s get this part out of the way: All my LDS friends and family take your moment to *gasp. All my college friends and family take your laugh (that some of my friends and family never knew this about me).
I bounced back and forth with writing a generic, boring post about how drugs are bad. Really, we’ve heard that before. What can really make a difference, I think, is my personal experience with drugs. In the Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), along with other churches, I think talking about past drinking or drug use is pretty taboo. It’s like many other topics I want to write about and haven’t yet addressed. Where I come from, how I was raised, I kind of adhere to the ‘pretend like it doesn’t exist’ camp. Drugs? How about we not discuss it.
But then recently my 13-year-old brother mentioned a kid coming to his soccer practice clearly high. First thought, “My youngest brother is exposed to weed already????” Then I realized, he’s 13, of course he’s exposed to it. I know a lot of kids that started experimenting with drugs at 13. It’s crazy to think my youngest brother is 13. It’s crazier more to realize it when he talks about the drug use around him. Drug use is happening. In the world we live in today, it’s more prevalent than ever. If we stick our head in the ground, refuse to talk to our kids about it, and pretend like it’s not happening, someone else is talking to them about it. News flash parents: Your most sheltered latter-day saint babies have seen, heard of, been around, and maybe even experienced drug use.
If I was seeing it in 2003 (I’m old), you better believe 13-year-olds are seeing it in 2021. Recently I drove down a street in Las Vegas near my old home. A street I’d driven down many times. I did a double take when I passed what I can only describe as a big, bright, pot emporium. Drugs are becoming mainstream. A scary thought.
So what are my experiences with drugs?
First let me say, I was lucky that drugs never quite became like alcohol for me. I don’t think drugs ever controlled me the way alcohol did. I think part of that is luck in never trying the wrong substance. There was a time when I was on a precarious cliff, one wrong step could have led to debilitating and life destroying addiction.
I’m going to try my best to be as ambiguous as possible about my drug use for obvious reasons. By that I mean, I’m not going to tell you what drugs I have done (it’s not many). But sometimes I may be clear about drugs I haven’t done. For example, I never tried cocaine. I had to say that since you’ve probably been wondering that since you read the first line.
What’s my experience?
From a very young age I was aggressively opposed to any substance I believed was bad. Legend has it I used to pour out my mom’s Coca Cola’s. Growing up I always said I would never drink alcohol. When asked I would say it was due to my faith and the Word of Wisdom. The Word of Wisdom, for those who don’t know, is guidance provided by the Lord to Joseph Smith in 1833 about what should and should not be put into the body. Over the years the Word of Wisdom, as followed by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has adapted and changed. This is a natural occurrence. Joseph Smith wasn’t yet warned about vape pens and methamphetamines in the 1830s. I encourage everyone who wants to learn more to read Doctrine and Covenants Section 89.
My excuse for not drinking or partaking in drugs was always the Word of Wisdom. Like I said, from a very young age I remember taking that guidance very seriously. As I grew up, and my church activity waned, that excuse changed to, “I’m an athlete.” In high school “no thanks” seldomly worked. You needed a reason. Similar to Happy Hours across the country today, most of the time you can’t just say no.
So what happened when I had neither? What happened when my church activity was zero and I was no longer an athlete after high school? It’s amazing how soon after losing those two identities that I waivered on this principle I had stuck so firmly to.
I still remember my first sip of alcohol. It was a big moment. We laugh at the joke that meth addiction starts with one puff or one sip, but doesn’t it? Of course, there are exceptions, but would someone who has never had a sip of alcohol try a harder, more dangerous substance? Usually not.
What happened after I’d taken one sip? Well, my excuses of church and basketball were no longer existent, I no longer had my shield against peer pressure. It’s no wonder when I went off to college for the first time I started drinking, then trying other stuff.
I was never a big drug user, as previously stated. Most of what I tried wouldn’t even be considered drugs by most people today. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Drugs are drugs. Marijuana is a drug. It is habit forming, it changes your focus, it changes what you care about, and ultimately it changes you.
I had some extremely, extremely scary experiences with drugs. The last time for a particular substance I said would be the last time I’d try anything. Being stuck in your mind is a terrifying thing, there is no escape. These substances are mind-altering. Sometimes they’re mind entrapping.
This is the point I want to get across and I think is important. It’s the point I make to anyone who asks about certain drugs or drug use. You almost never know what you’re putting into your body and it’s often from a sketchy source. What happens when you can’t escape your mind and you think something will never end? I had a friend once tell me he considered killing himself one time during a particularly bad drug experience. My thought was, “why would you put that in your body????” Then, years later I had that something in my body. If it wasn’t for very trusted and caring friends being around me to calm me down, who knows what could have happened. Never before in my life had jumping off a balcony crossed my mind. It did that day. Drugs are not a joke. This is the message, more than anything I’d like to get across.
I consider myself lucky that I avoided most of the more dangerous and addictive substances out there. I never touched a cigarette. I was too afraid it would become a habit. That fear kept me from putting myself in a dangerous position with many other drugs. I was always afraid of man-made, synthetic substances. I was raised to believe that man was conspiring against my freedom (D&C 89:4) and I believe that might have saved my life.
How am I with drugs today?
When I had my accident, they tried to prescribe me some sort of Oxy something or another pain medication. I refused. I got over the counter Advil and avoided taking that as much as I could. I saw too many friends almost kill themselves over those pills. I hope I can avoid ever touching one.
Today I’ve cut out drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and juice. Yes, juice. I feel happier and healthier for it. I see coworkers come into the office and walk like zombies to the coffee machine first thing in the morning. I’ve never had that crutch and I never will.
People talk about the Word of Wisdom like it takes away your freedom. My experience tells me that drugs and alcohol, and yes, even caffeine take away our freedom, not expand it. How many people can’t start their day without coffee? How many people can’t start their weekend without liquor? How many people are enslaved by substance abuse?
I am so grateful for my upbringing and the protection I had against these dangerous substances in my life. Even when I dabbled, I escaped the direst consequences. I was lucky. Why chance it? I’m happier today than I’ve ever been now that I depend on no substance for that happiness. The Word of Wisdom is a protection and despite my slip-ups through my growth, it did protect me, and I’m grateful for it.
I don’t recall a good temple miracle story for myself. I love the temple. I feel peace in the temple. The truth is, I’ve felt like I have a difficult time after the temple. The idea that you can take the temple with you and feel peace in the world after leaving, I’ve personally not experienced that. My experience has been more that as soon as I leave the temple Satan doubles and triples his efforts to bring strife and impatience into my heart. I feel the world engulf me when I leave that peaceful home. Of course, those are probably my own shortcomings.
So, if you asked me my best “temple story”- a story where I felt overwhelming peace, or received a profound answer to prayer, or something drastic in my life changed after a visit, I wouldn’t immediately have an answer. That’s not to say those things haven’t happened. I believe if we don’t write down the miracles we experience we seldomly remember them. What a sad thing to forget miracles.
Salt Lake Temple
Which leads me to writing this, to be sure I don’t forget this subtle, but profound and important miracle.
Recently Beth and I went to the Mesa temple open house. It was an extraordinary experience. It was my first time doing a tour of a temple. I’ve obviously been in the temple many times, but never taken a tour. Also, it’s been a while since I’ve been to the temple. Since Covid, I’ve only been to the temple once, for my sister’s wedding, aside from this recent open house visit.
Touring the temple was amazing. Every picture inside the temple was spectacular. I had a hard time not pausing to stare at every picture of Jesus Christ I encountered. I would have held up the tour if I had done so, but I love staring at any depiction of Christ and trying to fathom who He is.
The beauty in every detail of the temple is awe-inspiring. It is a place of pure peace. I kept tears at bay as I walked through the halls and eternally significant rooms as I realized how much I had missed that place.
This leads to my miracle. It’s small, almost unnoticeable, but significant.
Beth and I had been having some difficulty the few days, maybe week, leading up to this open house visit. Normal marriage stuff. Strife, snippy comments, unkindness, our house hadn’t been a super peaceful and happy place. I say this with the vulnerability of knowing we (as people, society, etc.) don’t often admit these things, but it’s important to understand what happened after the temple.
There was something I realized I needed to say to Beth earlier that day, but it was difficult to say because it’s extremely difficult for me to be “touchy-feely” or “lovey-dovey.” Wasn’t how I was raised. So there was something I needed to say but it was going to be difficult. Then, after the temple, it came out so naturally and easily. I believe the temple brought it comfortably out of me. Maybe because being in the temple had reminded me of the covenants I made there with Beth.
On our drive home from the temple I told Beth this:
“Things have been hard the past few days but that’s marriage. It’s not always going to be great. It’s going to be difficult and we know that. But I need to remind you, and I need you to know, I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going anywhere. And neither are you. We are here for each other no matter what, no matter how hard it gets. We made covenants to each other and I plan on keeping mine and I know you plan on keeping yours. And throughout any challenge we’ll become closer, and more united, and stronger for those challenges.”
This led to a conversation about the covenants we made and how important our faith is to us, and to our relationship. I know Beth and I will always be together because I know what our relationship is centered on. Our relationship is centered on Jesus Christ and a covenant we made with each other that included Him. Without that rock, without that stable foundation, the world is just too shaky and full of turmoil. But I know we will grow through any challenge because we made eternal covenants and we plan on sticking to them.
Where Beth and I were sealed for eternity
I believe being in the temple in some subconscious way reminded me of the covenants we’d made and made it so easy to have that deep, emotional, and important discussion.
I’m grateful for the temple and the covenants I’ve made there. Life and marriage is difficult enough. With the option of walking away, too many do. The temple is God’s house and I know that to be true. I know it is a beacon in a dark world. I know it is where peace can be found. I know it is where eternal covenants and a welding link can be established. I am eternally grateful for that home. I am grateful for the miracle it provided me that day. I am grateful for the miracle the temple is in my life every single day, whether I visit it or not, due to the covenants made there.
We’ve been having a difficult time with Ivy’s sleeping the last couple weeks. This morning I woke up and Beth was awake. I asked if Ivy got up during the night.
Beth laughed.
Not a good sign.
Beth said yes Ivy did get up during the night. She said she was rocking Ivy and could tell that Ivy was not going to go back to sleep. So she did something drastic.
Warning: this strategy is not recommended, and we know full and well this is NOT a good idea.
Beth said she GOT IN IVY’S CRIB WITH HER. My first thoughts, it didn’t break?
I looked at Beth and said instead, “…is that ok?”
Beth responded that of course no, it’s not ideal. It’s not safe and the crib could have broken. All bad things. Like the title of the post says, Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures.
Beth continued to tell me that after a while she got out of the crib and successfully returned to our bedroom. A hero had slain the dragon. A cute little booty-up-in-the-air-dragon, but a dragon nonetheless.
She said she got into bed and Ivy started to stir and cry. Beth asked me if I remembered in the middle of the night her saying, “oh no.” Beth told me I then started patting her on her back. I vaguely remember this.
But then a miracle happened! Ivy went back to sleep. Hallelujah.
After hearing Beth’s tale, I started to meditate to prepare for the day. My mind drifted to this story as the mind is wont to do during meditation. I thought about that moment when Ivy cried and very well should have continued screaming until one of us came to get her.
A past successful night of sleep resistance. The smug face of a champion saying, “I’m the boss here,” cross-legged and all.
The coolest visual came to me as I was meditating. You see, that night was the first time in months that I slept a night without getting out of bed. MONTHS.
This is the visual that came to me. Ivy started to cry, and God said, “someone do something!” And a legion, thousands of angels came pouring out of heaven to comfort and console Ivy back to sleep. Heavenly Father was like, “give that man one full night in his bed.”
It was a true miracle and that’s the only possible explanation.
So I say, thank you Heavenly Father, I sure needed that.
No Coincidences 