No Coincidences

Tag: temple

  • Thoughts on Beth’s Conversion Story

    Thoughts on Beth’s Conversion Story

    These are my thoughts on last week’s post, The Journal Entry of Beth’s Conversion Story. If you haven’t read that yet, read it first by clicking the link.

    “I wanted so badly to have the life I thought I knew we could have.  But we were sent here with free will and someone needs to want to change in order to truly change…”

    That statement hits hard.  To be clear with all reading: I have many similarities to Beth’s story.  I also have many similarities to her boyfriend John.  You can’t change until you’re ready to change.

    For anyone who knows my wife, her conversion story gives some perspective on why she is who she is.  We don’t become who we are by happenstance.  There are always experiences, moments, profound MOMENTS that shape us.  That is why we are here. After reading some of Beth’s story, and if you know her, you can start to see why she is caring, considerate, and loving to those around her. It is partly who she is and partly the experiences of her life that have changed her. I can relate. I used to be a self-absorbed punk. It took a lot of small steps to change who I once was.  Her words make me feel what I always know about my wife – she is special. 

    This is all I could picture as I read of Beth’s dream:

    And now this:

    God is great.

    I am lucky.  Beyond lucky.  What did I do to deserve so much?

    How could I think anything but how lucky I truly am as I read my wife’s testimony?  She is strong, and powerful, truly a queen, and we are one.

    As I read, I’m struck by the similarities in our stories.  The falling away, not knowing if / not wanting to come back, the prayer and feeling of atonement, dreams, pushes, promptings, coincidences.

    I’m brought to tears as I read my wife’s story.  All God did to bring us together can be read in between those lines.

    She wrote this April 20, 2016.  I came back to church, where I eventually met her, in March of 2016.  Coincidence?  Come on.

  • The Journal Entry of Beth’s Conversion Story

    The Journal Entry of Beth’s Conversion Story

    This is my wife, Beth’s testimony exactly as written.  Names have been changed.

    In a future post I will give some of my thoughts about this, but for now, the power of her testimony should stand on its own, unencumbered by any comments I could hope to make.

    Here it is.

    The Journal Entry of Beth’s Conversion Story

    April 20, 2016

                   I just read my patriarchal blessing for the second time since I got it. It confirmed promptings I’ve been having lately that I should do some journaling for myself and posterity so, even though it is past midnight I felt it better to do this than mindlessly fall asleep to some Netflix show. The past few years have had so much I don’t know how to fit everything I should write to remember. So, because of my failings as a journal writer, it will have to be a highlight reel of life. I just feel some changes that have occurred are too important to neglect to include.

                   I am in my third year at ASU. I love it, I love learning, but my diagnosis with clinical depression in October 2015 has really been a roadblock in my ability to work hard. Luckily, after dropping out for a semester, I’m slowly starting to feel like myself again. I’m not taking medication anymore but I’ve been hiking often and the feeling I get from pushing myself and being physically fit really serves as a great anti-depressant. So I’m back in school with just 9 credit hours, but hard classes. (1920’s senior thesis, history of college sports, and existentialism) I will probably graduate in about a year and do some sort of graduate school program. I previously had been dead set on going to law school. However, I’ve had to rethink my career path after being diagnosed with the depression episode. I don’t really trust myself to be able to go through law school. I always had 100% confidence in my academic capabilities. Now, I’ve taken a real hit to that confidence. My patriarchal blessing does mention that through my righteousness I will have many different career options. That has been comforting.

                   Life has been full of changes the past year. I think the biggest one that I will write on is about the ending of my very serious relationship with John for 2 ½ years and my decision to come back to church. I dated him from senior year of high school all the way up to just short of my 21st birthday. I really thought I loved him. He and I had plans to even get married one day. We were HS sweethearts and he was what I considered my first real love. I feel a real sense of anger at the situation but I also can’t help but think I will always love who he used to be and what we used to have.

    Initially, since about sophomore year of high school, I was set on not being LDS. I didn’t have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, I didn’t believe what the prophets spoke about. I wanted to live contrary to many of the commandments. I never cared to enter the temple. I was prepared to live that life with John too. We were definitely not living by LDS standards and that is exactly what I wanted. I was perfectly happy breaking the word of wisdom and living contrary to the law of chastity, among other things. Our relationship was never perfect. We fought often. He drank. I remember one day he drank so much he wound up in the hospital knocked out. For approximately 5 hours I sat there watching him, angry, upset, feeling betrayed, but wanting to show compassion. He cheated on me many times. I would often find messages on his phone texting other girls. He was perfectly fine with going out and getting drunk with other girls when I wasn’t around. Dramatic scenarios like these were often. I didn’t like who I was when I was with him. But I lost touch with who I used to be or who I could be. And when there were good times, I felt some amazing love. I just started to realize I had a better potential and I deserved better.

                   The changes came slowly at first. I remember when Clark was on his mission, I had one night where I felt so very, extremely alone. Not just physically but much deeper than that. It was dark. I was overcome by hopelessness. It was a feeling I almost lack the ability to explain. I now think it was a result of separating myself so far from the spirit that the light from Christ dimmed. I was prideful. I hadn’t prayed in years. But I did. I prayed in that moment. Desperately. I pleaded with God, please take this feeling from me even though I know I don’t deserve it. Immediately, my fear dissipated and calm overwhelmed me. That was the first time I understood how real prayer was. I wish I could convey that feeling to others. It was painful, scary, optimistic, and inspiring all at once. That was a start.

                   Any institute classes at ASU helped too. I didn’t mind studying the gospel from an intellectual standpoint so I liked going. I read scriptures. I discussed the gospel. I often was so eager to share what I learned with John. Sometimes he’d listen, other times he’d pretend to. It was awkward. I wanted to share what I found profound and he was resistant. But again, there were slow changes creeping in. I was realizing what the words of the gospel could mean. And he was realizing that he wanted nothing to do with it.

                   The real changes began around the start of 2015. I had quit or was about to quit partaking in most of the big sins I had been living in for years. I had already quit drinking and I was ready to cut-off the intimate aspect of my relationship with John. I had an institute class on the Teachings of the Latter-Day Prophets at this time. For some scheduling reason, I missed that class often. To make up absences we had to write papers on general conference talks. (Which I had never listened to previously in my life) So I did it. And that was a blessing in disguise. Again, I took it as an intellectual opportunity, like listening to Gospel TED Talks. At first I learned a lot. But then I began to feel a lot. I studied the atonement. And the friendship and companionship of Christ. I studied talks on being genuine and being compassionate. I began to slowly feel a change of heart, a softening of a heart that had been proud for many years. And even though I thought I was happy before, I started to feel joy. Real joy. And I started to feel love for others. Real Christ-like love. And I started to understand my divine purpose. The real potential I could live up to. Then came the dreams that gave the final push.

                   I’ve had vivid and detailed dreams for a few years now. Often they are silly. But often they are profound. Sometimes they even come true. I know that for many of us, the spirit speaks to us in dreams. For context, it is important to know I never wanted to get married in the temple before in my life and I never had been the kind of girl to dream excessively of my wedding day either. However, I had about four dreams where I was walking out of the temple in a white dress looking happier than I’d ever been lovingly holding the hand of a man. These dreams always ended right before I saw the face of the man I married. One night, I had the fifth identical dream but this time the man was John.

                   In addition, I had another dream that my friend Mike was home from his mission, in white, crying and saying how proud he was while hugging another person dressed in white. As he turned around it became clear it was John on his baptism day! So with these dreams I thought I knew what it meant! John and I would change our ways, repent, convert, and live happily ever after.

                   But of course that isn’t what happened. As a side note, I now have a different interpretation of those dreams. I think God was showing me what could be. What I should want to be. And as I saw that possibility play out in my dreams but realized that it could not be a reality in real life I had to consider what I truly wanted and expected for myself. After I broke up with John I had the wedding dream only once more. It was once again identical to the dreams before. But I saw the man I was going to marry. It isn’t like I could list a particular physical look I had for him but it’s as if I knew who he was anyway. As if the trust and love I had for him made me know him. And it made me desire so much to strive to one day be endowed so that I will get to marry that man and walk out of the temple with him one day. That was the first time I wanted to go through the temple. I now hope to be endowed and sealed one day.

    So after these dreams I tried to appeal to John, first by asking him to quit drinking. I wanted so badly to have the life I thought I knew we could have. But we were sent here with free will and someone needs to want to change in order to truly change. He did not want to change. The last few months were devastating. I thought I loved John, I was otherwise so happy, but my relationship was suffering. I was starting to open up to the gospel, to build a relationship with Christ. I was doing well in school, I was making many friends. But we had diverged. Thankfully I was blessed to be given so many obvious signs of what was right that I knew without any doubt there was no turning back from the Gospel at this point. I either go forward with this change next to John or I go forward without him. But I had to go forward And so June came, he sat on my front doorstep. We talked kindly but distanced. And that was it. I was sad. The man I thought I loved was gone. But inexplicably I felt so at peace. It felt okay. I felt optimistic. I sensed a hard path ahead but I knew it was going to be worth it.

                   So here I am with that journey under my belt. It has left me at times feeling damaged. I’m generally a confident person but I took a real hit to my self worth after this. The depression has made me feel like I’m not as smart or capable as I thought I was. My failed relationship made me feel I’m not worth someone’s loyalty or commitment That no matter how pretty or smart or funny or confident they think I am that a life with me wasn’t worth giving up something as trivial as alcohol. That my friends weren’t wiling to stick around when I chose to give up sin and follow Christ. But the gospel keeps me going.

                   I can’t wait to love someone that chooses to love me fully back. I hope one day I can trust myself to do that. I hope one day I can give 100% of my love and feel it back. I want to trust that I’m worth someone’s loyalty. I want to trust I’m worth a righteous man. I pray to become better through this trial so I can be worth it one day.

    And in the end of this trial I realize I’m grateful for it. I look to those times where I was given a sign and a testimony loud and clear when I’m beginning to doubt. And I’ve doubted. I was proud enough to think blessings would rain down on me immediately after this big step. They didn’t, at least not in the form I had expected. I’ve dated in the YSA ward but there hasn’t been anyone I’m seriously in to. In fact I almost find myself incapable of emotionally attaching to anyone. I’ve dealt with crippling depression. I lost friends. People decided they would choose John over me. They decided it was better to have the partying John than the sober Beth. I lost direction in my career path. But among all these trials I now understand what is temporary and what is eternal. It was the most alone I had ever felt. But I finally knew I wasn’t really ever alone.

                   I had to go through my own repentance process with the bishop. (Farnsworth then Thurston) It was scary. But I now love and feel the atonement for real. Every time I pray, I thank Heavenly Father for Christ’s atonement. I needed the atonement then, and I need it now. My testimony in the atonement holds me over when my testimony in other aspects is less stable. My testimony of the eternal nature of being is so strong. My testimony of Christ’s personal relationship to us through prayer is tangible.

                   I love Christ. I feel him there because he knows my pain. He’s been my friend when all hope was gone. I’m not completely myself again but I find joy in reaching out to those who I sense also feel alone, damaged, or scared. My trial has given me an ability to reach out to those in pain just as Christ does. And I feel real, Christ-like love that I’ve never felt before. I look at people with a new light now because of it.  I try to understand the principle of forgiveness because I need it. I long to maintain an eternal perspective because I knew what challenges there were to face on Earth yet I boldly said I was ready to do it. And I will continue to do so.

                   I look forward to the day I can look back and understand the ‘why’ of my experiences and trials. But for now I will press on with hope and gratitude. I know my Savior lives. I hope I never doubt it! I hope I never forget. I am so grateful for the hard times. I’m grateful for humility and for this clarity. I’m so grateful for my story.

    Elisabeth Brooke Cannon

  • Temple Miracle

    Temple Miracle

    I don’t recall a good temple miracle story for myself.  I love the temple.  I feel peace in the temple.  The truth is, I’ve felt like I have a difficult time after the temple.  The idea that you can take the temple with you and feel peace in the world after leaving, I’ve personally not experienced that.  My experience has been more that as soon as I leave the temple Satan doubles and triples his efforts to bring strife and impatience into my heart.  I feel the world engulf me when I leave that peaceful home.  Of course, those are probably my own shortcomings.

    So, if you asked me my best “temple story”- a story where I felt overwhelming peace, or received a profound answer to prayer, or something drastic in my life changed after a visit, I wouldn’t immediately have an answer.  That’s not to say those things haven’t happened.  I believe if we don’t write down the miracles we experience we seldomly remember them.  What a sad thing to forget miracles.

    Salt Lake Temple

    Which leads me to writing this, to be sure I don’t forget this subtle, but profound and important miracle.

    Recently Beth and I went to the Mesa temple open house.  It was an extraordinary experience.  It was my first time doing a tour of a temple.  I’ve obviously been in the temple many times, but never taken a tour.  Also, it’s been a while since I’ve been to the temple.  Since Covid, I’ve only been to the temple once, for my sister’s wedding, aside from this recent open house visit.

    Touring the temple was amazing.  Every picture inside the temple was spectacular.  I had a hard time not pausing to stare at every picture of Jesus Christ I encountered.  I would have held up the tour if I had done so, but I love staring at any depiction of Christ and trying to fathom who He is.

    The beauty in every detail of the temple is awe-inspiring.  It is a place of pure peace.  I kept tears at bay as I walked through the halls and eternally significant rooms as I realized how much I had missed that place. 

    This leads to my miracle.  It’s small, almost unnoticeable, but significant.

    Beth and I had been having some difficulty the few days, maybe week, leading up to this open house visit.  Normal marriage stuff.  Strife, snippy comments, unkindness, our house hadn’t been a super peaceful and happy place.  I say this with the vulnerability of knowing we (as people, society, etc.) don’t often admit these things, but it’s important to understand what happened after the temple.

    There was something I realized I needed to say to Beth earlier that day, but it was difficult to say because it’s extremely difficult for me to be “touchy-feely” or “lovey-dovey.”  Wasn’t how I was raised. So there was something I needed to say but it was going to be difficult.  Then, after the temple, it came out so naturally and easily.  I believe the temple brought it comfortably out of me. Maybe because being in the temple had reminded me of the covenants I made there with Beth.

    On our drive home from the temple I told Beth this:

    “Things have been hard the past few days but that’s marriage.  It’s not always going to be great.  It’s going to be difficult and we know that.  But I need to remind you, and I need you to know, I’m not going anywhere.  I’m never going anywhere.  And neither are you.  We are here for each other no matter what, no matter how hard it gets.  We made covenants to each other and I plan on keeping mine and I know you plan on keeping yours.  And throughout any challenge we’ll become closer, and more united, and stronger for those challenges.”

    This led to a conversation about the covenants we made and how important our faith is to us, and to our relationship.  I know Beth and I will always be together because I know what our relationship is centered on.  Our relationship is centered on Jesus Christ and a covenant we made with each other that included Him.  Without that rock, without that stable foundation, the world is just too shaky and full of turmoil.  But I know we will grow through any challenge because we made eternal covenants and we plan on sticking to them.

    Where Beth and I were sealed for eternity

    I believe being in the temple in some subconscious way reminded me of the covenants we’d made and made it so easy to have that deep, emotional, and important discussion.

    I’m grateful for the temple and the covenants I’ve made there.  Life and marriage is difficult enough.  With the option of walking away, too many do.  The temple is God’s house and I know that to be true.  I know it is a beacon in a dark world.  I know it is where peace can be found.  I know it is where eternal covenants and a welding link can be established.  I am eternally grateful for that home. I am grateful for the miracle it provided me that day. I am grateful for the miracle the temple is in my life every single day, whether I visit it or not, due to the covenants made there.

    San Diego Temple
  • A Scripture as important to Latter-day Saints as it would be to the Ancient Jews

    A Scripture as important to Latter-day Saints as it would be to the Ancient Jews

    One of my favorite scriptures of all time is 2 Nephi 25:26 which reads:

    And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophesies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”

    A common criticism that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints receives from other sects of Christianity, often Protestant groups, is that the Church teaches works as a form of salvation taking precedence over faith.

    As I read the Book of Mormon with this criticism in mind, I’m struck by how clearly the Book of Mormon teaches this principle – that faith in Jesus Christ is the most important thing.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is (as far as I know, open to correction) the only church with an explanation on how faith in Jesus Christ alone can result in being saved. 

    Saved, or immortality, is different from Eternal life and salvation.  All of God’s children who choose to be saved, will be saved, for He loves us all.  You can be saved by simply having faith in Jesus Christ, no works needed.  To attain all that the Father has to give, eternal life and salvation in His Kingdom for eternity, you must follow Him, and do what He asks of you.  For without works faith is dead (James 2:26).

    Sometimes I think the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would be benefitted immensely by reading verses 26 and 27 of 2 Nephi chapter 25 every single day.  I think if we each did this, it would help us to re-orient ourselves and never lose sight of what is most important – faith in the Lord, or Savior, Jesus Christ. 

    The below scripture is what I am referring to in the title of this post.  This scripture is as important to latter-day saints today as it was to the ancient Jews:

    Wherefore, we speak concerning the law that our children may know the deadness of the law; and they, by knowing the deadness of the law, may look forward unto that life which is in Christ, and know for what end the law was given. And after the law is fulfilled in Christ, that they need not harden their hearts against him when the law ought to be done away.”

    2 Nephi 25:27

    I believe this scripture to be extremely important to latter-day saints.  The ancient Jews lost sight of Jesus Christ.  They looked to the law for salvation.

    I bear my testimony that I do not believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has lost sight of Jesus Christ.  His name is the name of our church, His prophet has implored us to use His name, our leaders preach of Jesus Christ, prophesy of Jesus Christ, teach of Jesus Christ, emphasize Jesus Christ.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints points us to Jesus Christ.

    It is we, the members, I think, that need to read verse 27 often.  What is the law without Jesus Christ?  I fear that sometimes church members become focused on the wrong things.  Temple attendance for temple attendance’s sake.  Church service because it’s their duty.  Serving in church callings to keep up appearance as a faithful latter-day saint.  Partaking of the sacrament in a rote, mindless manner, not considering what it really means.

    I know I am at fault when it comes to some of the things I’ve just listed.  Sometimes I lose sight of Jesus Christ.  Sometimes I lose sight of what this is all really about.

    I’ve been back in church activity for 5 years now.  My first couple years of returned church activity were so Christ focused.  They were Christ focused because it was all I had.  He was all I had.  He was my strength, and He was everything.  I felt His forgiveness so potently because I’d so recently experienced it with such power.  As my church activity has steadied and become consistent, I’ve found myself relying on church activities, social events, friendships, and making my appearance as a faithful member.  These things aren’t necessarily bad, but they can be.  If they distract from Jesus Christ, they distract from the point.  If I get distracted from Jesus Christ, I am missing the mark.

    What is the law without faith in He who the law points to?

    I think we could all benefit from a consistent study of verse 2 Nephi 25:27.

    Why do we do what we do?  Is it for love?  Is it to serve Jesus Christ?  Is it to remember Jesus Christ, worship Jesus Christ, thank Jesus Christ?

    When is the last time you thought about all your sins and what Jesus Christ did for you at Gethsemane and on the cross?  For me, it’s been far too long since I’ve been brought to tears considering that event.  I’m glad I’m writing this because in doing exactly that, remembering what He’s done for me, and feeling it in my heart, tears are inevitable. 

    Remember why we go to church, the temple, and serve.  It’s for Him.  Not because we have to but because we want to.  Not because it will get us into heaven but because we love Him.  Salvation is through Jesus Christ.  If we go to the temple 5 days a week without Him in mind, we are wasting our time.

    Without Jesus Christ, all of it: temple worship, baptism, sacrament, service; it’s all for naught.  All these things point to Him.  Without Him as our focus all the items listed above are dead works.  

    This is the misconception of other faiths, that we go to the temple to substitute for Jesus Christ.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  We go to the temple because of Jesus Christ.

    I think every once in a while, it’s important we re-center our focus and remember what it’s all about.

    I hope and pray that we continue to steadfastly talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, preach of Christ, prophesy of Christ, and bring others unto Christ, that we always remember to what source we may look for a remission of our sins.

  • The Mourning Dove

    The Mourning Dove

    The Mourning Dove was one of my favorite books of 2020.  It’s the first book I made Beth read.  I read it in 2 days which isn’t much to brag about at only 84 pages.

    The inside cover reads:

    “A tender story of growing up, exploring life, exploring life, and discovering the boundaries and the defining moments of love.”

    The back cover reads:

    “The Mourning Dove is heart touching. It penetrates your soul and makes you glad to be alive.”

    -Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul

    This story is so good, so uplifting, so all the good things.  I will put it at the top of books I would recommend to someone.  It’s especially easy to recommend because it’s such a quick and easy read.  I know people are increasingly busy and it’s hard to find time to sit down and read a long book.  This book is short and sweet.  You will finish it feeling like you’ve grown immensely after spending time with Pop, the main character’s grandpa.

    After finishing the book, I wanted to write a screenplay.  This book would make such a good movie.  The message in it is simple. The story of a young boy learning adult lessons is timeless.

    I had no idea Larry Barkdull wrote another book I loved titled Zion: Seeking the City of Enoch.  Mr. Barkdull has an easy-going writing style that I enjoy because it’s not so difficult to follow.  His stories flow and are combined with good messages.  I’ve walked away from both his books feeling like I’ve learned something about life and myself.

    I can’t say enough good things about this book.  It can be found online for like a dollar.  Buy it.  You won’t regret it.

    Sadly, while looking up information about this book I learned that Larry Barkdull passed away in 2016.  I’d like to share this from his obituary:

    Many will remember him as their gospel doctrine teacher, home teacher and friend, as he tended to the needs of those he loved. Larry also served weekly in the temple as an ordinance worker, a calling he cherished. Above all else, Larry’s greatest joy was his family. The only title he wished to follow his name was D.A.D. He left his family a legacy of great faith and leaves a hole that can never be filled. Words cannot express the least of what we feel. We love you. Our hearts are broken, but we know we will be together again.”

    I don’t know how you can read that without a tear coming to your eye.  Mr. Barkdull was clearly an inspired and important individual sent for an important purpose in God’s plan.  I’m grateful I got to see a glimpse into his soul through his writing.