No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

  • Bengie

    Bengie

    We met it seems, such a short time ago.

    You looked at me, needing me so.

    Yet from your sadness our happiness grew.

    And I found out I needed you too.

    I remember how we used to play.

    I recall those rainy days.

    Goodbye may seem forever.

    Farewell is like the end.

    But in my heart’s a memory.

    And there, you’ll always be.

    Bengie started with Grandma Leach. He was too high energy. My grandparents didn’t know even a puppy could have that much energy.

    Laura, Jon, and Sydney took Bengie next. Bengie became Laura’s comfort dog through all her time being sick. He would often be found cuddling with her, especially at the end. I visited Bengie when I was 21 and lost. I talked to Bengie when I wasn’t talking to God.

    Grandma is no longer with us.

    When Grandma was around, Bengie would run to her. It may have been due to Grandma having a weak spot for sneaking him food from the kitchen. Bengie remembered his first companion.

    When Laura no longer needed Bengie and Beth had a hole to fill, Bengie stepped in with honor.

    Bengie took care of a lot of people while he was here.

    If we believe there is a plan in this life, which I do, then Bengie was here for many important reasons. Few dogs get to accomplish so much.

    I’m having a difficult time writing this because I’ve tried not to think about how he’s gone. I couldn’t be there when it happened. I asked Beth to do it because Beth is tougher than me.

    Bengie was struggling for a long time.

    Before he left for the last time with Beth, I took him on one last walk. He hadn’t been going on walks with us for a long time. That last walk confirmed to me the right decision was being made. He could hardly navigate even the open space, stumbling from bush to bush.

    It had been so long since Bengie had been himself, I’d almost forgotten. Beth showed me some videos that reminded me of all the fun we used to have. Before kids I played with him everyday. Now I play with my girls everyday.

    We used to take Bengie on long bike rides. Bengie would run alongside us. Sometimes I would take him off the leash and I was amazed at how he could fly. When we’d go on bike trips, inevitably an old Scottsdale woman would show concern about the little dog running alongside a bike in the heat. Little did they know when we got home he’d run around nonstop until we finally went to bed. Bengie could run forever.

    Bengie used to cuddle with anyone that would sit still. He loved laying with Ivy before she started walking.

    He was a great dog.

    You know that movie All Dogs go to Heaven?

    I believe all dogs do go to heaven. There is a special place reserved for the companions sent here to comfort us.

    Death isn’t the end, even for pets. That’s awesome. I’m glad I’ll be able to see Bengie again. Next time I see him, maybe he’ll even be able to talk, who knows?

    That’ll be a day.

  • Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    It’s interesting considering what you can glean about a soul in the signs they give before their arrival.

    On Monday 1/20/25, someone asked me if I wanted to play basketball that night, I said I probably shouldn’t because Beth wouldn’t appreciate that. He asked when the baby was coming. I said, “Any day now. She’s being stubborn.”

    Maybe because Ivy and Sage both came a week early, maybe because Beth was extremely done with this pregnancy, maybe a combination of factors, but for 14 days leading up to Monday 1/20 we were thinking it would be any day.

    That led to a lot of anticipation. WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL?

    Friday 1/17 Beth and I spent the night on the couch as she was having irregular contractions most of the night. We were ready at any moment to pack up and leave.

    Flash forward to 1/20 and I was at basketball practice when Beth called. She thought it was really happening this time. I told the team and was off, not super optimistic that it was actually happening. Once I arrived at the house, I knew it was happening.

    We quickly gathered our bags and were out the door. Ivy and Sage waved with Grandma and Aunt Jane from the front door. I’ll probably always remember that image. My two girls, my world, not fully realizing how their worlds were about to change – in challenging but amazing ways.

    I’m writing this from the hospital and I’m so excited for them to meet their new sister.

    What Wren lacked in initiative pushing us to the hospital she made up for once we arrived. We got to the hospital around 5:00pm and she was born at 6:05pm.

    Ivy and Sage’s births were fast and felt whirlwind-like. This had a whirlwind feel given the pace, but it really didn’t feel frantic at all. It felt very under control. Of course, who am I to say? Beth would probably say it was a complete whirlwind of chaos.

    When Beth and I were planning to get married our Bishop at the time had a sit down with us. I remember him commenting on how Beth came from a family of five children and I came from a family of six. He made a statement that I’ve remembered ever since. It was something like, “You two will have no problem having children.”

    I’m not sure how he meant it at the time, but with how Ivy, Sage, and now Wren have come, I can’t help but feel like it was a Bishop’s blessing. That’s how I’ve taken it ever since.

    Wren’s coming could not have gone any more smoothly.

    It felt like a blessed and sanctified process.

    It felt guided and protected.

    Again, Beth might not agree, I’m ultimately just a bystander to the process. I think she would agree though. Maybe we should ask her.

    This isn’t to say that difficult pregnancies or deliveries are any less special. On the contrary, challenges sometimes make the blessings more powerful. We all have our own experiences with this miracle. And that’s what each and every birth is: A miracle.

    I am grateful for a strong and capable wife that can do this unimaginable thing. We are blessed that this process has gone well for us three times. I do not take this for granted.

    So Wren arrived with a lot more hair at 6:05pm.

    I’ve described this process before. See Ivy and Sage’s welcome to life posts. I’ll try to put it into words for a third time.

    My heart didn’t split, it expanded. As I looked at Wren, Ivy and Sage flashed before my eyes. I thought about how I loved each of them so powerfully. I can’t remember if I was brought to tears immediately with the other two. Maybe I should go back and read their posts. I wanted to write this before reading Ivy or Sage’s so this could be completely original.

    But as I looked at Wren I had to hold back tears. Not sure why the third hit me so hard. Maybe it was the pace of things. Maybe three is a special number, and when your heart expands that third time, something special happens.

    I don’t know.

    All I know is I love her so much.

    It’s crazy, you know. I can’t believe I’m here, on earth. I can’t believe I’ve been given the power and ability to create life. The greatest gift of all existence, the power to create life, and it’s been entrusted to me. I can’t believe I have three daughters. I can’t believe I have a wife that is so special and such a great mother. I can’t believe I’ll get to be with them forever, for the rest of this life, and beyond. I can’t believe Wren was born into a covenant, ensuring that as long as I do my part she will be mine forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I often think about what I did to deserve all this. And I can’t for the life of me figure it out.

    But I’m anxious to say thank you one day.

    So, welcome to this life Wren. It’s hard but rewarding. It’s scary, but if you know why you’re here, there is peace. It is overwhelming, but you’ve been given a family to help with that.

    I love you baby girl and look so forward to seeing how your personality shapes and develops to add to our family. Thank you for coming to join us. We love you so.

  • Why can’t Anyone go in an LDS Temple?

    Why can’t Anyone go in an LDS Temple?

    In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our temples are sacred. Many people know this by the fact that they aren’t allowed in. This can, understandably, cause some negative emotions. Nobody likes to be excluded from anything.

    I heard an anecdote that really stuck with me.

    A man was telling a story about when he was a missionary and held Q&A sessions with local churches in the Bible Belt south. One of these sessions, a nice little elderly woman asked a not so nice question, “Why is your church exclusionary and doesn’t let people into your temples?”

    The man explained that he immediately realized this woman wasn’t able to attend the sealing of someone she cared about, which created this understandable animosity. He asked the old woman and learned she wasn’t able to attend the temple sealing of a beloved granddaughter.

    A somewhat standard response to this question is that it is about worthiness, that you must be worthy to enter the temple. Many Biblical examples can be used to illustrate this point.

    As the man was about to respond this way, he felt an impression to not give this standard response. He realized talking about worthiness wouldn’t be right with this woman. This was a Bible loving, Christ loving, Bible belt evangelical Christian. Telling her she wasn’t worthy wouldn’t be fair.

    Personally, I would have explained covenants in this moment. That one needs to make sacred covenants to enter certain places. This man received an altogether different impression, and this is the part that struck me.

    He asked her, “Do you believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.”

    She replied, “No offense, but no.”

    He asked her, “Do you believe this is Christ’s true church on the face of the earth?”

    She replied, “No offense, no, I don’t believe that.”

    He asked her, “Do you believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet?”

    She replied, “No offense, no.”

    Each time he told her he didn’t blame her for not believing it. That if it weren’t for the witness of the spirit to him, he wouldn’t believe it himself. He then asked her, “Do you believe that ancient prophets came to earth to bestow the keys of the sealing power to bind on earth what is bound in heaven as Matthew details in chapter 16?”

    She replied, “That’s in Matthew 16? I never thought of that. But no, I don’t believe that.”

    The man told her that’s OK, but he does believe all those things. Then he transitioned somewhere I did not expect, the story of Jairus’s daughter being raised from the dead (Mark 5:22-43, Luke 8:40-56).

    The man asked her if she knew the story and of course this avid Bible studier knew it.

    He directed her attention to the moment when Christ arrived at the home. The girl was dead. Those there mourning mocked Christ when He said she was just sleeping.

    Then what did Christ do?

    He “put them all out.”

    Christ had to remove all the lack of faith from the room. Christ, the Master. He let Peter, James, and John stay. He let the mother and the father stay. They had faith. He removed all those that didn’t believe.

    The man explained that when he goes to a temple, it’s not a marriage ceremony. It’s not until death do us part. Just like when Christ brought that girl back from the dead, telling death that it had no power before Him, the same is happening in temples. The priesthood power of temple sealing is telling death, “You can’t have this couple. This couple is protected. This couple is sealed. Even in death, death can not split them up. They are one. They are united.” It’s as if Christ Himself is saying, “They are mine, and you cannot have them.”

    That is what happens in Christ’s temples. Couples are sealed.

    The man then explained that when he attends a temple sealing, his faith becomes part of it. He contributes his faith to that couple. His provides his belief that they will be sealed for eternity.

    He then explained, “You admitted you don’t believe these things. Would you mingle your lack of belief in a place of faith? Would you have Christ keep the nonbelievers in the room to see the miracle?”

    Now, this isn’t the only reason people who aren’t members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can’t enter temples. Worthiness is a part of it. As I already mentioned, covenants are a part of it.

    But I loved this part I’d never thought about, faith is also part of it.

    I am grateful that God provided a plan and His Son so that I can be sealed to my family for eternity. I love my family. I never want to leave them. Now I look at Ivy, Sage, Beth. I can’t fathom a life without them. They are everything. I thank God every day for the sealing power and the gift He has allowed me to be sealed to them for time and all eternity.

  • Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    I want to share a story that just happened to me.

    I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know what happened. That’s why I’m writing it. Maybe writing it down will help me to understand.

    It’s 1/2/25 at 9:00 in the morning. It’s my first day back at work in something like 2 weeks. I’m driving to a client’s office. I’m listening to a podcast called Y Religion. They’re discussing 50 relics of the restoration; 50 items from the time the gospel of Jesus Christ was being restored.

    They mention a microphone used by Spencer W. Kimball. I love Spencer W. Kimball. He is one of my favorite prophets.

    As I’m writing this, I’m remembering what they talked about before this microphone. What they talked about before this microphone was the original manuscript of Jesus the Christ written by James E. Talmage. They emphasized that the writing of Jesus the Christ, one of the most impactful books of my life, was inspired by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attempting to re-emphasize its focus on what is most important: Jesus Christ.

    The podcasters said sometimes the culture needs to be reminded of what our most important focus is.

    I wondered if the Church needs that reminder again today.

    I remember thinking that President Russell M. Nelson, a prophet today, is trying.

    They talked about the microphone. Brad Wilcox, the provider of one of my all-time favorite talks/speeches/dissertations (His Grace is Sufficient) started talking about Spencer W. Kimball. He shared a story from when he was on his mission and for the first time would hear a radio broadcast of General Conference. Back in those days, certain countries only got Conference in written word months after Conference completed. Brad Wilcox as a young missionary was disappointed when the radio turned on and he realized it was just a translator. Of course it was a translator. The message needed to be broadcast to this particular area in Spanish.

    Then, he said, Spencer W. Kimball came on the radio with his telltale, well-known scratchy voice. The small group of saints asked Brad, “Who is that????”

    He replied, and as he told the story he choked up, “That is the prophet of God.”

    On the podcast, they then started to discuss the sacrifice that Spencer Kimball went through – losing his vocal cords and continuing to preach, speak regularly, and guide God’s church.

    I thought about that sacrifice.

    What have we gone through?

    Have we lost our vocal cords and then been asked to continue to preach?

    I thought about that sacrifice. I thought about that prophet of God. I thought about that voice.

    And while I was driving in the car, I was crying. I didn’t even know I was crying. I didn’t know why I was crying. I still don’t know why I was crying.

    I started thinking about why I was crying.

    They talked about the kindness of Spencer W. Kimball and how losing his vocal cords made him so gentle, so empathetic to the suffering of others.

    I thought about my current calling as Elders Quorum President.

    I thought about how much I fall short in that calling.

    I thought about telling my quorum that I’m a bad ministering brother. But I try. And asking them, who are also bad ministering brothers, to also try.

    I thought about all the suffering I’ve learned about in our ward since becoming president. I thought about all the loneliness and sickness and illness and suffering and heartache.

    I thought about my daughters.

    I thought about the client I was about to see and some of the personal things he had told me about his family when he invited me to a Suns game once.

    I thought about the suffering of his family.

    I thought about all the suffering my daughters would have to endure in this life.

    And I asked why.

    And I cried harder.

    And I reminded myself of why.

    We know the why. Luckily, I know the why. I’ve written about it here a hundred times.

    And then I pulled up to a light. And I looked directly at a homeless man. And I thought about giving him a dollar. And I wondered if the light was going to change. And I thought about how I didn’t want him to have to limp over to me for a dollar. Then he started to limp over to me. And I let him pass. And I let him walk back by me. And I wondered if he had a drug addiction.

    And I thought about all the suffering in the world.

    And I cried.

    I wrote this. And I still don’t know quite what it means.

    I know the world is going to get a lot harder and there’s going to be a lot of suffering.

    And I’m going to ask why, despite knowing the answer.

    And I realize that sometimes knowing why will make it easier, maybe even help, and sometimes, maybe it won’t.

    And I worry about my daughters.

    And I worry about this world.

    And I worry about all the lost and lonely people.

    And I wonder why.

    And I want Jesus Christ to come back so it can stop. I want to help. But my efforts seem so small and fruitless. I’m a bad ministering brother and a bad Elders Quorum President and I wonder, I can’t possibly be who God needs in this position now.

    And I feel so small.

    And I just want Christ to come back and fix it all.

    But I know before that happens this all has to get a lot harder. It has to get so much harder.

    And I worry.

    And I have faith.

    And I wonder if my faith is enough.

    And I cry.

    So I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, hoping the client can’t tell that I’ve been crying. And I go about my day, always with why in the back of my mind.

  • Romney as Hamlet

    Romney as Hamlet

    This was an assignment for a class I took. I liked what I came up with so much, I decided to turn it into a blog post!

    I’m merging two topics I’m not super familiar with in this post: Shakespeare and politics. It was only when re-reading this in preparation for posting (written over 2 years ago) that I looked up the fate of Mitt Romney and learned he didn’t run for a new term in the Senate.

    The assignment was to compare Hamlet to a political figure. This is what I came up with.

    When I started to consider the comparison between Mitt Romney and Hamlet, more and more parallels started to come up. The easy starting point is political family and affluence. Mitt Romney’s father was a well-known politician. In a way, similar to Hamlet, Mitt Romney was brought up in a prominent and politically royal family.

    The second parallel pertains to Hamlet and Mitt Romney’s individual commitment to their morals and principles. You can say what you want about Hamlet’s actions and trajectory. He believed his father was killed and he was out to make it right. Mitt Romney, similarly, did what he thought was right when it came to his political decisions. Hamlet made decisions based on his principles that ultimately hurt him in the end. He deemed doing what he felt was right with vengeance more important than his own welfare. Similarly, Mitt Romney voted politically based on his principles, even if that was at his own expense. In sticking to his principles, Hamlet betrayed his uncle, the crown, and the “system.” That’s precisely how Romney has been portrayed by many Republicans, as betraying his “team” or party.

    Romney has ultimately been villainized for his voting. Despite many begging for politicians to step out of the political mode, vote and do what they think is right, and be a good person, when Mitt Romney did that, the Republican party vilified him. They called him a betrayer and a madman. Very akin to Hamlet being perceived as a madman, walking the halls, being crazy, really due to a desire for justice.

    It occurred to me that ultimately how you view Hamlet is completely colored by one question: did he, or didn’t he really see his dead father and know that his uncle killed his father? If Hamlet saw his dead father and knew for a fact that his father was assassinated by his uncle, then his actions are justified. With this view, Hamlet is a hero throughout, even if a tragic hero. If, on the other hand, Hamlet from the start was a crazy person, having visions and believing his dead father spoke to him from the grave, then he may have unjustly attacked his uncle throughout.

    If you are a devout Donald Trump supporter and/or Republican, you may feel Mitt Romney betrayed the party, that he is simply disloyal. If emotions are separated from the party and perceived betrayal of Donald Trump, then Mitt Romney only did what he thought was right. Your perception of both Hamlet and Mitt Romney is tinted by your preconceived notions.

    Hamlet was called crazy, which I’ve mentioned. In the end, Hamlet was honored and respected. He was, in my opinion, correctly represented by Horatio in the end. Despite his flaws, Hamlet was given a respected funeral and high honors. We haven’t gotten there yet with Mitt Romney. I believe history will look back kindly on Mitt Romney. I believe 50 years from now people may look back and wonder why someone who just tried to do what they thought was right was vilified. To further this comparison, Donald Trump could be considered Claudius. Mitt Romney betrayed him, doing what he thought was right. Hamlet, deeming Claudius’s actions unforgivable, worked against him throughout the play.

    On a final, unrelated note, this was my first time watching or reading Hamlet. I knew very little about the play beforehand. Beth and I were extremely tickled by “Get thee to a nunnery.” Too funny. #InsideHamletJokes.