No Coincidences

Tag: growth

  • Emotions of a Toddler

    Emotions of a Toddler

    Have you ever thought about how far you’ve come emotionally?

    When Ivy gets upset, she does crazy things. An example: today she was upset and throwing a tantrum. So she decided to put her foot underneath the couch and yell “STUCKKKKK” to emphasize and dramatize how difficult her situation was. She was not stuck.

    Can you imagine an adult doing this? You’re at the office and your coworker gets frustrated and starts thrashing around and yelling. Next thing you know they’ve put their foot under their chair, in a position that it could easily be pulled from, and yelling, “I’m stuck!” How crazy would that be?

    Hard at Work
    Hardly Working

    Again, have you considered how far you’ve come? From a toddler that has almost zero control of emotions, to a child who starts to have some semblance of control, to a teeneager who, depending on how you were either reverted back to toddler-hood or became more emotionally balanced (I reverted to toddler-hood), to an adult. Now, you go to work, drive in traffic, and go to the grocery store, constantly surrounded by frustrations that should have you throwing tantrums. But you don’t. You handle your emotions and live your life. Some do this better than others.

    The problem is, are you still getting better?

    I think a lot of adults get to adulthood and, whether consciously or not, come to the conclusion that they’ve “made it.” There is no more growth to go. You can brush your teeth and dress yourself so you’ve got it all under control. The truth is, we can still get better at controlling our emotions. There is always growth to be had.

    We’ve come a long way from being toddlers. But don’t stop. Keep going. Further your self-control every day. Become better. This is growth.

  • Children Need Their Father

    Children Need Their Father

    I went on a weeklong river rafting trip. I believe it was the longest time I’d spent away from Ivy. A large portion of that trip, I did not have my cell phone with me.

    When I got off the river and started driving back to Las Vegas with my family, I checked my phone and learned that Ivy had not had a good week. Meltdowns, tantrums, refusing to sleep. Apparently, she’d had a very hard time in my absence. I didn’t even recognize the girl being described.

    Many theories were tossed around to explain the behavior: teething, out of her routine (they stayed at my in-law’s house), she was sick, her shoes were too tight. I knew the truth. She missed her daddy. I couldn’t wait to get home and comfort her.

    I’ve written about missing Ivy before. This was the first time, it seemed, she could really miss me. I just finished a book, What a Difference a Daddy Makes by Dr. Leman that talks all about the importance of a father, especially in a daughter’s life. It talks about how a father reinforces confidence and helps a daughter relate to men as she gets older. It talks about how moms have a tendency to parent and do things one way, and the balance of how a father generally does things is important to a child’s development. This is at least partly why The Family Proclamation says, “Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

    I believe I was 16 when I first hung up on my mom while she was talking. I promptly received a call from my dad. The usual mild-mannered, relaxed father I knew was gone. I was told over the phone, in no uncertain terms, that if I EVER hung up on my mother ever again, he would kill me. I believed him. He told me I was to treat my mom with respect. It was an important lesson I needed to learn. It was the last time I ever hung up on my mom.

    This is an example of why kids need their dad. Dads, in society, have gotten a ridiculously unfair reputation. Dr. Leman in the aforementioned book noted the unfair representation of fathers on television. Fathers are almost always bumbling blockheads that can’t get anything right. This is unfair and wrong. It has built a belief in society that fathers aren’t needed, or worse, that they cause more harm than good. Fathers are important.

    So how was Ivy when I returned home? An angel. The most well-behaved, happy, sleeping babe you ever met. She smiled ear to ear the moment I saw her when I got home. It was such dramatic joy that I almost didn’t believe all the propaganda I’d been hearing about her. She just needed her daddy.

    Before I could get too cocky, Beth had a doctor’s appointment during the week. It was Ivy and I for a couple hours. Then I got to witness all the behavior I’d seen.

    A growing girl needs her daddy. She also needs her mother. We’ve seen that Ivy is way happier when it’s all of us together. Ivy’s still relatively fresh from heaven. She knows the importance of family and the The Family Proclamation.

    I’m grateful to understand the importance of family. I’m grateful to have a small inkling of how important I can be to Ivy’s life. I’m grateful that Beth continues to be such a great mother. I’m grateful to have an amazing family to help me understand these things. I’m grateful that families can be forever.

  • The Life Beyond

    The Life Beyond

    The Life Beyond by Robert L. Millett and Joseph Fielding McConkie Copyright 1986.

    I recently was asked by two friends who have different religious beliefs from me, what do you believe happens to a person when they die?

    This is the great question right?  One of the 3 great questions.

    1. Where did I come from?
    2. Why I am I here?
    3. Where am I going?

    What a world we’d live in if every conversation we ever had started with that question:

    Hi, my name is Brayden.  Say, what do you think happens to us when we die?

    Wouldn’t that be great!  Less discussion about politics, sports, and tv.  What amazing conversations could come about from that question.

    It amazes me how many people in the world float through life without knowing any sort of answer to these questions.  It’s no wonder we’re in a world that seems untethered from any understanding, sense of reality, or sense of meaning.  What’s worse than all those who don’t know the answer to these questions is those that don’t even ask the question.  It baffles my mind that so many live on this earth, day by day, moment by moment, without daily stopping to ponder: why am I here?

    I believe the reason for this attitude by many people and much of society is due to a feeling that there is no answer.  No one can know so why ask?  I believe every person has asked these questions at some point.  They eventually determine it’s unknowable and move on.  I believe this cuts us off from growth.  How can we grow to our full potential if we have no understanding of our true potential?  How can we reach our true potential if we believe this whole life is for no purpose or reason?  How can we reach our full potential if we don’t even know if there’s something after all this?  In that case, what’s the point?

    That’s why when this question comes up I internally jump for joy.  I know many skeptics, doubters – ye with little faith – still say, “you can’t really know.”  I don’t care.  I know!  I know where I come from.  I know why I’m here.  I know where I’m going.

    It’s one of my greatest wishes that every person on this earth knew the same.  I believe it would make people happier.  I believe it would make the world a better place.  It’s why I’m writing this.  To share what I know.

    The Life Beyond is a book I recently finished by one of my favorite scholars.  Robert Millet was a panelist on the youtube video series I’ve used to study the lectures on faith.  I’ve seen Joseph Fielding McConkie on many of the books I intend to read.

    This book details everything we know about The Life Beyond.  Through scripture, modern revelation, prophets, and all other light and knowledge we’ve received, they go into great detail about what happens after we die.

    Could there be a more important book?

    Can you believe this book exists?  Can you believe you’re not reading it right now?

    Hundreds of millions stumble around in darkness, with fear of death and wonderment about life.  Here is scripture, from God, light and knowledge, revelation, that answers the most important questions in this life.

    For those with little understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, this book would be like feeding a steak to a newborn.  Milk before meat.  I understand that.  Still, why isn’t everyone reading it?  If anyone reading this has ever asked, why am I here?  I invite you to read this book.  Then ask questions.  It can change your life.

    To conclude I’ll share one excerpt from the book that I enjoyed. 

    “The Family Unit Beyond the Veil

    Paul said, ‘I bow my knees,’ as do we all, ‘unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named” (Ephesians 3:14-15).  In a manifestation to Brigham Young after his death, Joseph Smith told his successor to be sure to instruct the Saints to keep the Spirit of the Lord, promising that if they would do so, ‘they will find themselves just as they were organized by our Father in Heaven before they came into the world.  Our Father in Heaven organized the human family, but they are all disorganized and in confusion.’  Brigham also said that Joseph showed him the pattern, ‘how they were in the beginning.’  He said that he could not describe it but that there must yet be ‘a perfect chain from Father Adam to his latest posterity.’

    During an illness, Jedediah M. Grant visited the spirit world two nights in succession.  He reported a perfect order and government that existed there, saying that the ‘righteous gathered together,’ that there were ‘no wicked spirits among them,’ and that they were ‘organized in family capacities.’  ‘To my astonishment,’ he said, ‘when I looked at families, there was a deficiency in some, there was a lack, for I saw families that would not be permitted to come and dwell together, because they had not honored their calling here.’” (Emphasis added)

    What a marvel it is we have these truths and how lucky we are.  May we all fulfill our callings here, and start by asking, why am I here?

  • Become What you Deserve

    Become What you Deserve

    I recently sent this picture to three friends of mine:

    I said to them, “How you know when you’re officially an old dad – your recommended videos on YouTube. Just letting you guys know so you can start to see the signs.”

    My recommended videos on YouTube are –

    1. 12 hours of White Noise Black Screen (so I can sleep)
    2. Live Elmo compilation (so Ivy can be entertained)
    3. 12 hours of Dog TV (so Bengie can be entertained)

    One of my friends responded, “I’ll keep that in mind if I ever find a partner.”

    These three friends are in various relationship statuses, mostly in the bachelor spectrum. That comment from my close friend made me think. I wanted to respond with something semi-productive. I didn’t want to give a normal, mean, insulting, and joking answer.

    I responded, “Step 1 – Take steps towards making yourself someone you’d want to date.”

    This got me thinking. I tell Beth all the time, if she met me when I was 19-24, she would not have been able to stand me. There’s very little chance she would have had interest in me. She would have thought I was an obnoxious, selfish, immature child. I could easily put some more disparaging adjectives there, but I’ll go easy on myself.

    In our lives we always want the best for ourselves. We want a beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken, funny, fun, giving, kind, patient person we can trust and who has their life together. That’s what we want for ourselves. I know that’s what I always wanted. The problem was, that’s the kind of girl from the age of 19-24 I was looking for, meanwhile I was none of those things myself.

    How can we expect to find a partner we love and respect for all their great qualities if we haven’t developed those qualities for ourselves?

    I’m still working on those qualities, but I hope that my journey back to church helped me to develop some of those qualities a little more. I had to take concrete, real, small steps towards making myself a better person to find a partner I always felt I “deserved,” though lacking the evidence of deserving anything. My behavior for those few years (19-24) was selfish, half-hazardous, and chaotic. No wonder I found myself in selfish, half-hazard, and chaotic relationships.

    My point is, we don’t just find a phenomenal partner. We earn a phenomenal partner by being those very qualities we want in a partner. Again, no chance Beth gives me a second glance when I’m 22. But through changing a plethora of bad habits I became a person someone like Beth – a beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken, funny, fun, kind and patient individual with her life together – would give a chance.

    Don’t expect to find a great partner if you haven’t developed great qualities in yourself. This doesn’t happen over night. It’s a conscious and effort-filled journey to impvove oneself. Sometimes it’s hard to be introspective and address the qualities in oneself that aren’t the best. I know it was hard for me.

    I’m still working every day to be a husband that deserves a wife like Beth. Now I have the added motivation to be a father that raises a daughter with good qualities. It’s my greatest desire for Ivy to be kind, and smart, and confident, and bold.

    Start making the steps. Find one habit you can change. Be better tomorrow than you were yesterday. Through small and simple steps great things can, and will, happen.

    For more on change, Beth gave a great talk on change that I shared here.

    Also, Elder Kevin S. Hamilton gave a talk in last General Conference (eerily similar to Beth’s) on change, which can be read here.

  • Talk – How can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?

    Talk – How can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?

    I recently shared Beth’s amazing talk given on the natural man being an enemy to God. That can be read by clicking HERE.

    The following week I was asked to give a talk on the topic, “how can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?” I thought I’d share that as well. My written talk was more of an outline, but here were my notes.

    Introduction

    Good morning!

    If you were here last week then you saw my wife already introduce us when she spoke.  For those that weren’t here, I am Brayden Quackenbush.  My wife goes by Beth, and we have a 1-year-old daughter named Ivy.

    Brother Patterson commented after Beth spoke last week, quote “Clearly you, like me, have married up.”  So of course, the Bishopric has asked me to speak today, more likely for you to see that principle of marrying up in action for yourself as opposed to any spiritual enlightenment I am meant to impart.  I hope along with demonstrating the marrying up principle, my talk can also provide some uplifting spiritual content for you today.

    Topic – faith

    The topic I was asked to speak on today is, “How can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?”

    Let’s start with the what.  What is faith?

    Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

    Elder Dallin H. Oaks said QUOTE: “‘Faith without works is dead.’ But ‘Works without faith is even deader.’”

    How do we increase our faith?

    Read the scriptures every day.  Pray every day.  Go to church each week.  Serve others.  Go to the temple.

    For those of you that have zoned out – Okay, let’s take a quick pause.  I know I’ve lost most of you.  You’re thinking, great, he started his talk with 5 things I’ve heard 1 MILLION times.  And then you started zoning out.  Come back to me for a second.  I’ll say it again for those who REALLY zoned out.  Come back to me.

    I could go on and on with quotes about what faith is and give ideas you’ve heard over and over and over about how to increase your faith and be exemplary latter-day saints.  In my time back at church, I’ve learned that personal experiences are powerful.  Repetition is good.  There’s a reason we hear the same things over and over.  Read scriptures, pray daily, go to church, attend the temple.  Of course, these things are good and of course these things are important.

    How?

    But HOW do we really show more faith in Jesus Christ in our daily lives.  – This is an interesting question – how?  How is so independent of anyone else’s how. How isn’t a hypothetical.  It’s an action. Faith is a principle of action.  For that reason, I can’t tell YOU how to live with more faith in Jesus Christ.  What I can do is tell you what has helped me.

    It always benefits me to hear of others’ habits, stories, experiences and how they strengthened their faith.  I hope some of my thoughts can help someone here today.

    A little background about me – I spent 7 years of my life, from age 18-25 with zero church activity.  I was about as far from the church as I could be.

    It was wholesome books brought me back. Books that started making me ask the questions – why am I here?  Where am I going?

    The books that most impacted my journey back to church, and influenced my faith in Jesus Christ were Visions of Glory by John Pontius, Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage, and of course, the Book of Mormon.

    To increase our faith, we must know in whom our faith resides.  That is Jesus Christ.  This is the first how I suggest, that helped me.  President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly implored us to study the life of Jesus Christ, understand His ministry, understand His life, understand Him.  With more of an understanding of Him, more love for Him will naturally develop, and it will become easier to follow Him and act in faith.

    What other how’s have helped me in my daily life?

    I’ve mentioned I want to focus on faith being a principle of action.  If you have faith in Christ, it should move you towards action.

    For me, after knowing who my faith resides in, it’s helped to be conscious of what I want to accomplish.  Showing more faith in Christ daily needs to be a conscious goal.

    1. Daily affirmations
      • The cartoonist behind Dilbert, his name is Scott Adams, he talks about a habit he developed in his early 20s.  What he did was, every single day, he wrote 15 times a statement over and over.  For example, “I Scott Adams will become a famous cartoonist.”  This was before he’d ever written a comic.  Most of you have heard of Dilbert.  His second affirmation was “I Scott Adams will write a bestselling book.”  He also accomplished this goal.
      • Write what you want to accomplish in your relationship with Jesus Christ, your family, or your greatest desire.  The act of writing it each day will make it a focus in your life.
      • Examples could be:  I will love others.  I will be a loving father/mother.  I will increase my faith in Jesus Christ.  I will bring others unto Jesus Christ.  I will return to live with my Heavenly Father.
      • This makes this a focus every single day.  How did Scott Adams become a famous cartoonist?  Faith.  Now he wouldn’t say it, but that’s what he did.  He put something out there, he focused on it every single day for years and he made it a reality. 
      • Make your faith a focus in your life.
    2. This leads to another how – focus on your thoughts. 
      • A book I read recently stated that rock is sculpted one chip at a time.  Concrete is poured then molded.  People are formed one thought at a time.
      • I hope the daily affirmations example shows the power in our thoughts.
      • Guard every thought.  Any time a judgmental or unkind thought enters your mind, remove it.  Remove impatience.  Remove anger.  It is possible.  Our thoughts are ours to control.  Once you control the negative thoughts, move to loving thoughts.  Keeping your thoughts focused on God and Jesus Christ as much as possible will help.  
      • Matthew 22:37-39 “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment.”
    3. The third thing that has helped me is to study the scriptures with a purpose.
      • I have a close friend who is not a member of this church.  He has read the Book of Mormon multiple times and doesn’t believe it’s divinely inspired.  He believes it was written by a man and not translated by a prophet of God.  I’ve read the Book of Mormon every day for 4 years alongside an online commentary noting every time I find something from Hugh Nibley or some other LDS scholar that can’t be explained by an uneducated farm boy writing the Book of Mormon.  The note in my phone now includes well over 100 notes that can’t be explained by an ignorant farm boy writing the Book of Mormon.  Each day I’m excited to find another unexplainable feature of the Book of Mormon.  That strategy has worked for me.  But I invite you to think about something that can make you interested and excited to read a little scripture each day.  By the way, if you’re interested in seeing my list of “proofs” I would love to share them.  It strengthens my testimony of this work and of the love Jesus Christ has for us in providing these “proofs” of the divine nature of the Book of Mormon to those who seek them.
    4. A fourth, and to me personally, the most important thing that has helped me with my faith is to feel the atonement of Jesus Christ.
      • Can you feel your love and appreciation for Christ and His gospel?  Really feel it, inside of you.  Feel the emotion of it.  For some, your conversion moment may be so long ago that you haven’t thought about it in a long time.  Remember what it was like to realize this was true.  Think about the comfort it brought you.  Remember the feeling of knowing that Christ died for you, and He allowed you all this.  Family, love, peace, eternity: It’s because of Him.  Close your eyes.  Remember that moment.  Feel that moment.  Do that often.
      • The best time to feel this appreciation for Jesus Christ is during the sacrament, it’s why we partake of the sacrament – to remember Him.
      • You need to feel, truly feel, what Christ has done for you.  I’ve had more of a challenge doing this during the sacrament since my daughter Ivy entered my life.  Sometimes I miss the quiet time of closing my eyes and thinking about what Christ did for me that day 2000 years ago.  But then recently I’ve found an amazing substitute.  During the sacrament I’ve found it extremely beneficial to stare at my daughter.  I think about not only what Christ did for me, but I remember that He gave her to me, He saved her, and He allows her to be mine forever.  If you aren’t brought to the verge of tears every so often when you partake of the sacrament or think about what Christ did for you, you NEED to think about it more.  Focus on it and feel it.
      • We’ll be taking the sacrament in a few minutes.  I invite you to focus on Christ.  Think where you’d be without Him.  Think about what He’s done for you eternally.  Eternal glory, forgiveness, love, peace for ALL eternity. Have you thought about the word eternity?  Forever.  That’s what He’s given you.  Feel it in your heart and thank Him with all your might, mind, and strength.
    5. The fifth important part of my faith has been to repent daily.  There is always something to repent for, no matter how good we think we are, we always fall short, and that’s ok.  Because of Him.

    That concludes my how’s of developing and strengthening faith daily, but I hope you can search out your own.

    Why?

    The last thing I’d like to talk about is the why.  Why do we need to develop more faith?  Why does our faith matter?

    When this work truly touches your heart, what do you do?

    In a book called Faith in the Service of about members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the armed forces, a U.S. Air Force Chaplain gave the simple quote: “I am a convert to the gospel, and I am indebted to the missionaries who saved me spiritually.”

    Do you consider your membership of this church being spiritually saved?

    Elder Jeffrey R. Holland when speaking of the Apostle John’s great desire to remain on the earth said:

    “The Apostle John asked the Lord if he, John, might remain on the earth beyond the normal span of life for no other purpose than to bring more souls unto God.  In granting that wish, the Savior said that this was ‘a greater work’ and a nobler ‘desire’ even than that of desiring to come into the presence of the Lord ‘speedily.’”

    From the book Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, “Like all prophets and apostles, the Prophet Joseph Smith understood the deep meaning of John’s request when he said, ‘After all that has been said, [our] greatest and most important duty is to preach the Gospel.’”

    I’ll ask again the question; do you consider your membership to this church as being spiritually and eternally saved?  You have been saved by Christ.  Then save others.  If you saw someone on the roadside bruised and bleeding, would you help them?  And yet we’re surrounded by masses of people missing what we have.  They’re not physically bruised and bleeding. Worse, they’re spiritually bruised and bleeding.  Reach out, share your faith, love, serve, share a Book of Mormon, have a real conversation, invite to church, invite to an activity.  Many people don’t want to be saved because they don’t know they’re drowning.  That’s fine.  You still cast out a life jacket.  The world is lonely, the world is sad, the world is divisive, the world is angry, the world is hurt.  And we have Jesus Christ in our lives.  To whom much is given much is expected.  And we, us, you, here in this room, you have been given as much or more than most individuals in all of human history.  Think about that for a moment.  Billions and billions of God’s children and you live now, in Arizona, in the United States, in a free country, with the saving ordinances of Jesus Christ in your life. You live with a knowledge of God as your father, you live in the dispensation of all times, the fullness, You are peaceful, you are happy. Many of us are prosperous spiritually as well as physically.  And more important than all the physical benefits of our existence – you know where you come from, why you’re here, and where you’re going.  To whom much is given.  Has anyone ever been so blessed as us in this room?

    When we feel how truly blessed we are, when this gospel and the love of Jesus Christ touches your heart, what do you do next?  You share it.

    Don’t be discouraged by the world we live in today.  Even Christ was rejected by many.  Many are called and few are chosen could also apply to the masses that don’t want to come unto Christ.  It is still our sacred duty and loving responsibility to share it.

    I hope that we can strengthen our faith in Christ through righteous habits.  Make it a conscious decision.  Guard our thoughts.  Study with purpose.  Feel the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Repent daily.  These have helped me.  I hope we all can find our own ways to show more faith in Jesus Christ.  And when we do, and our faith is strengthened, strengthen others.

    I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.