No Coincidences

Tag: love

Defense of Love You Forever

Love You Forever written by Robert Munsch and illustrated by Sheila McGraw.

Beth made a big mistake and I’m calling her out here. She has criticized Love You Forever. For those unfamiliar with this fabulous children’s book, you can watch a 5-minute video HERE to have it read out loud to you. Or you can just read my quick summary here. I suggest you watch the 5-minute read-aloud video, but prepare for the waterworks.

Love You Forever takes you through the life of a baby boy, who turns into a toddler, who turns into a teenager, who turns into an adult. Throughout the book the mother occasionally comes into her son’s room at night and rocks him to sleep singing:

“I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

As long as I’m living

my baby you’ll be.”

I won’t spoil the ending for you, but that is the gist.

I’m just going to say it: I have a hard time getting through this book when I read it to Ivy or Sage. It’s emotional thinking about them growing up to have their own house and yet, still being my babies.

Beth, on the other hand, has orchestrated an all-out assault on the precious, nostalgic, loved book. I tried to reach out to Beth for a record of that social media post. Apparently, she burned the evidence.

Recently Beth shared a mom forum post from a couple people who agreed with me. They said the book made them emotional. This led to Beth and I discussing the book, yet again. You’d be surprised how much this book has been discussed between us. Enough for me to take it to the blog!

Beth says it’s weird that the mother in the book is breaking into the house of her son as a grown man and rocking him to sleep. I say she needs to understand and appreciate the metaphor in this story. Obviously, the mother isn’t breaking into her grown son’s home. It’s metaphorical. It is a beautiful, powerful, and emotional metaphor.

I told her she’d rue the day she attacked this book.

So, Beth and I were discussing it yet again. We were talking about the book over text. There was mudslinging going on. Threats of keys being given to her dad with approval to come into our home and rock Beth to sleep. Claims of emotional vacancy and lack of metaphorical understanding.

Amidst these joking exchanges, we were also discussing an upcoming trip. I was driving with Ivy that day after work to Las Vegas. Beth was flying to Utah to surprise her sister for a bridal shower. Beth was taking Sage with her. It was going to be the first time Beth was ever away from Ivy for any serious amount of time.

That’s when, right in the middle of our Love You Forever discussion, Beth said this:

”Take good care of her. I know you will but it’s hard to let go. Remember truck stops are not safe places. And don’t forget to keep the back door shut so she doesn’t slip into the pool when people are busy playing games. Listen to her stories and give her hugs when she’s sad. It’s okay to help her be tough but also needs love. Drive extra safely. She’s my life! FaceTime me!”

Apparently, Beth is lacking in irony awareness along with metaphorical awareness. The irony was not lost on me.

I replied, “It’s like you’re metaphorically still going into her room every night to rock her to sleep. Are you going to be ok? (You attacked the wrong book).”

And with that statement, I won. What do you think about Love You Forever? Who’s got it right? Is it creepy or beautiful?

**Mandatory disclaimer for those who may misinterpret my jest as actual insults. Beth is the smartest, most intelligent, most aware, and understanding person I know. That’s why I married her. This is all in good fun. I don’t actually think she doesn’t understand metaphor. Now sarcasm… that she definitely struggles with.

July 27, 2023
The Lesser Talked about Sacrifice of the Atonement

One of the tragedies the trinitarian belief (that God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are one being) has taken away is appreciation and understanding of God’s part of the sacrifice in the Atonement.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son.”

Doesn’t mean much if there isn’t actually a God giving up his Only Begotten Son, right?

We talk so much about the sacrifice that Jesus Christ did for us, for good reason. His Atonement paved the way for us to return home. He suffered, bled, felt the crushing pain of a universe of sickness, pain, and sin, and died for us. He did that. There’s reason we talk about Him. He is the only way to God, our Heavenly Father.

Speaking of God’s part in that sacrifice shouldn’t diminish what Christ Himself did for us.

I’m a father.

The other day Ivy was on the top of the couch and fell backward to the cushion. She wasn’t hurt at all. She was fine, but try telling her that. She was scared, and she was screaming and freaking out. She was fine, but she was still upset.

Now, if Ivy was really hurt, if she fell from the cushion down to the floor, I would have moved so fast. I would have been there. As it was, I stayed in my seat and tried to tell her how awesome a fall that was.

If Ivy or Sage are in real pain, I’m there.

I can’t imagine the torment, the suffering, the heart-wrenching anguish of watching my children suffer. I can’t imagine it.

God can.

God watched His Son be spit upon, scourged, beaten, slapped, ridiculed, and finally nailed to a cross to die a slow, painful, and seemingly humiliating death.

Words from Jeffery R. Holland in a 1999 talk:

“I am a father, inadequate to be sure, but I cannot comprehend the burden it must have been for God in His heaven to witness the deep suffering and Crucifixion of His Beloved Son in such a manner. His every impulse and instinct must have been to stop it, to send angels to intervene-but He did not intervene. He endured what He saw because it was the only way that a saving, vicarious payment could be made for the sins of all His other children from Adam and Eve to the end of the world. I am eternally grateful for a perfect Father and His perfect Son, neither of whom shrank from the bitter cup nor forsook the rest of us who are imperfect, who fall short and stumble, who too often miss the mark” (“The Hands of the Fathers,” Ensign, May 1999, 14).

What I realize is that God knew His Son. He knew Jesus Christ was going to fulfill His destiny. He knew what His Son, Jesus Christ, would do on the cross. LIke me on the couch, knowing Ivy was ultimately going to be OK, God knew Jesus Christ would be OK. He knew that Christ so loved us, that He would suffer it all for us. Why did God do it though? Why didn’t He send angels to intervene? Wouldn’t that be what a loving Father would do? He didn’t intervene because He so loved the world. The world is us. He loves us so much that He was willing to suffer this pain of watching His Son suffer. The ultimate sacrifice, of Father and Son.

If that doesn’t bring you to tears, I don’t know what will.

God loves you.

I don’t know how it all works. I don’t know how the celestial kingdom, heaven, a place of infinite joy and peace, can also have weeping. But I know that my God weeps.

Don’t let us forget that God suffered that day too. He suffered an anguish hardly imaginable. The anguish of watching His only begotten in pain.

In the case of the suffering of Jesus Christ, the payment had to be made to save us. In some grand cosmic mystery that I don’t yet understand, we can’t return home until we are perfected through the blood of Christ. God allowed that sacrifice, and contributed His sacrifice, because he loves the world. He loves us.

I believe God does weep over the evil, heartache, pain, suffering, and sadness in this world. He weeps over sin. He weeps over us.

But ultimately, we have fallen to a soft cushion. We are safe. We are secure. We are secure in the blood of Jesus Christ. We are secure only because of Jesus Christ and what He did for us.

While God wants to come comfort us, He doesn’t stop suffering because we’re still on the couch cushion. And if it helps us grow, does that make it any easier for Him to watch us suffer? Maybe. I knew Ivy wasn’t really suffering. I knew it was temporary fear she felt. I was always there for her.

This is my reminder to you: God is there for you. He will never leave you. He is always aware of your hardships. In addition to God, Jesus Christ isn’t only there with your hardships, He already felt your hardships. He understands it all, because He felt it all.

God loves you. Jesus Christ loves you. They love you so much that they sacrificed for you. Don’t forget that. It will give you strength.

July 13, 2023
What do we believe in?

My Aunt Lindsey often asks the question, “What do you know?” I usually respond, “Not much.”

What do we really know? Anything?

While reading Mosiah chapter 26, I came across an interesting commentary from Hugh Nibley, one of my favorite scholars. The commentary was on Mosiah 26:15 which reads:

“Blessed art thou, Alma, and blessed are they who were baptized in the waters of Mormon. Thou art blessed because of thy exceeding faith in the words alone of my servant Abinadi” (emphasis added).

In considering that phrase, “in the words alone of Abinadi”, Hugh Nibley asks, “Now what about childish faith? What about being gullible, etc.? Alma believed in the “words alone”? Alma saw no evidence, no proof, or anything like that? And it wasn’t the words of God; it was the words of Abinadi alone that he believed in? What’s going on here? Why is there merit in this?”

He continues, “There is merit because Alma believed in his words alone. I would emphasize his. You are blessed because of the things you choose to believe-not by the act of believing, not just by faith. You weren’t blessed because you believed, but because you chose what to believe. Everybody chooses what to believe. The atheist is a very strong believer. He is the most passionate arguer you can possibly find, and the positivist. Where will you find greater faith and firm conviction than among economists? . . . You must believe in something, and everybody does. But the Lord said, blessed are you [Alma] because of the things you chose to believe; you chose to believe in the things that Abinadi taught.”

I’ve written before about The Faith of an Atheist.

What do we believe in?

This is an interesting statement by Hugh Nibley. The idea that it isn’t our faith that is important. Everyone has faith in something. It is what we have faith in. What do we choose to believe? Do we choose to believe that this is all one dumb coincidence and we’re all here for no real reason? Or do we believe in a Savior who redeems us, a Father who loves us, and an eternity of potential?

Like a lot of things, it’s really about agency. What do we choose to believe in? Alma chose to believe in something good, hopeful, eternal.

People who leave the church – are they better for it? This is going to upset some people. But in my opinion, no, people aren’t better for leaving the Church. That’s not absolute, of course. Some who leave the church still donate constantly to good causes, serve others, love others, and use their time in helping others. More often than not, I don’t think that’s the case.

Many who leave the church, instead of turning their focus to good, hopeful, and helpful things, spend the rest of their lives trying to bash, destroy, and talk negatively about the church. Why is that? If leaving the Church of Jesus Christ is a good thing, why doesn’t more good come from it instead of more negativity? Why is tearing down something, whatever your feelings on it, that brings others hope and joy, a good result?

Is it easy to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ? With the number of people my age deciding they don’t care for the Church, or any church, I’d say membership in the Church of Jesus Christ is not super easy. A lot of people say, “The church doesn’t do anything for me.” The Church isn’t about what it can do for you. It’s about what you can do for others. When you leave the Church, what do you do for others?

Leaving the Church is complicated. I’m not trying to oversimplify it too much. But what I think gets lost sometimes is that leaving the Church is often a selfish choice. At least it was for me. I don’t want to have to get up early for church on Sunday. I don’t want to use my Saturday morning helping an elderly person move their belongings. I want to drink. I don’t have time for a church calling like teaching a class, working with the youth, or organizing group activities. I definitely don’t have time for ministering. Yeah, checking on a couple people every so often to make sure they’re doing OK, and really help them if they say they need something, don’t have time for that. I don’t want to pay 10% of what I earn anymore. The list goes on. Someone leaving the Church NEVER thinks this way (or won’t admit it). It’s about historicity or “what they feel” or feeling lied to or CES letter blah blah. I’m not trying to say that those things can’t be hard for people. They are, and I understand that. But often, it comes back to I, when the Church’s main goal is to help us see outside of ourselves.

Now let’s be clear. Simply going to church isn’t enough. There are plenty of people who go to church on Sunday, leave, and call themselves stalwart disciples of Christ. You may be worse off than the nonbeliever in that case. It may be worse to believe and turn away the sick and needy than to choose not to believe.

Does some small historical question, or some big historical question, distract you from a plan called “the Plan of Happiness”? Do you choose to worry about a statement by Brigham Young or some question about Joseph Smith? Do you disregard the miraculous book that was written, the testimony of a Savior of the world, an account of that Savior visiting His children in America? Do you ignore the hopeful and positive miracles because you have doubts?

What do you choose to believe in?

July 6, 2023
Sent from God – Missionaries

The story of Ammon is one of my favorites in the Book of Mormon. Ammon went amongst the Lamanites who wanted to kill and murder him to teach them about Jesus Christ. I wrote about a great conversion moment I had from the story of Ammon before. Here I am 4 years later, still being inspired by the story of Ammon.

This time it was chapter 18 that struck me. Ammon had just performed a miraculous feet, defending the flocks of the king from a group of men trying to scatter them. In defending the sheep, Ammon smote off the arms of so many men that the other servants he was with felt the need to collect them and show them to the king. It is here where King Lamoni, in chapter 18 verse 2 says,

“Surely, this is more than a man. Behold, is not this the Great Spirit who doth send such great punishmnets upon this people, because of their murders?”

Ammon was so powerful that the king believed him to be God.

In verse 18, King Lamoni asks Ammon if he is the Great Spirit.

Ammon’s simple reply in verse 19 is, “I am not.”

Their conversation continues and Ammon begins to teach Lamoni about the one true God. Lamoni asks in verse 33, “Art thou sent from God?”

This is what jumped out to me and made me think. It wasn’t long ago that King Lamoni thought Ammon was actually God. It’s a natural progression, I think, to then ask if he was sent from God. Ammon’s reply is found in verses 34 and 35:

“I am a man; and man in the beginning was created after the image of God, and I am called by his Holy Spirit to teach these things unto this people, that they may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true;

And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge, and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God.”

I am called by his Holy Spirit.

This made me think. Ammon could have simply replied, yes, I am from God. Instead, he chose to use the question as an opportunity to expound and teach about God and our relationship to Him.

What do missionaries say when a stranger or someone they’re teaching asks the simple question, “Are you sent from God?”

I hope it is without hesitation that the response comes, a resounding: YES.

This led me to think even deeper about this. King Lamoni was asking if God guided Ammon there. Ammon replied that God had. But what if Lamoni was asking if Ammon came directly from the presence of God to teach him? That question isn’t that crazy after asking the person if they were God. Ammon could have equally replied to that question: Yes. He came from the presence of God to teach King Lamoni and his people.

Every missionary serving Jesus Christ came from the presence of God to this earth with the purpose of going on a mission, teaching others about God, and bringing others unto Christ.

How often do our missionaries think this way? I hope daily. It is a powerful thing to understand that you were sent directly from God for this important mission.

Neil A Maxwell when speaking of the star that signaled Christ’s birth said,

“The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millennia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the babe has given at least equal attention to the placement of each of us in precise human orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives so that our light might not only lead others but warn them as well.”

God knows our missionaries. God loves our missionaries. God sent our missionaries, directly from His presence, to shine their lights and illuminate this world. I am so grateful for our missionaries.

June 1, 2023
Parenting and Consequences of Choices

Sunday morning we were supposed to sleep in. We were going to church at a later time to join Beth’s family since her sister Eve was in town. Any parent knows how it goes when you’re hoping to sleep in. It’s like the kids have a sixth sense for your hope and immediately squash it. Sage woke up at 6:30 and Ivy was up at 6:45. This, for the record, is much earlier than even Sage, who isn’t a great sleeper, usually wakes up.

Beth brought the girls out to the couch. I was tired and groggy.

In true teamwork fashion, Beth and I decided to split up. I went back to sleep for an hour while Beth hung out with the girls. My hour felt like 5 minutes and I was back with Ivy and Sage while Beth got her additional rest before the day got into full swing.

I took Ivy and Sage into Ivy’s room.

Long story short – Sage was ready for a nap and unhappy about everything and anything. Ivy, the newly potty-trained, walked over to her bed, laid down, and had an accident in her bed. I learned that when I went to lay Sage in Ivy’s bed to rest and saw it was wet. I tried to feed Ivy a banana while Sage screamed and I cleaned up wet sheets and blankets. Ivy took the piece of banana I’d given her and threw it across the room. I tried to stay calm and asked her not to throw food. As I continued to clear off pee-covered sheets and blankets, Ivy walked to where I’d left my breakfast – the rest of the banana and a peeled orange – and proceeded to throw it all over the room.

That’s when I lost my patience.

Voices were raised. Toddlers were told to stand in the corner. Stern words were spoken. Sage was still screaming.

I lost my temper.

It was then, standing with Sage in my arms screaming, Ivy naked from the pajama shirt down, crying in the corner, that I started to take deep breaths.

It was then that I started trying to assess why my temper was so short.

“I’m usually better than this,” I thought to myself. “What’s going on? Well, I’m tired, obviously.”

Wait, why was I tired? (Well, besides always being tired).

Flashback to the previous night. Beth had taken Sage in to sleep, and I stayed on the couch. I thought about reading but then came across a movie on TV that I hadn’t watched in a long time. It was Super Bad. I have long cut rated R movies out of my life. But this was made for TV. All the curse words had been cut out. That didn’t make the movie a productive use of time to watch. I ended up staying up way too late watching this stupid movie.

I remembered all this as I stood with a screaming baby and a crying toddler, after I’d just yelled and not handled Ivy’s outbursts and energy nearly as well as I would have liked.

I realized I had no excuse for my behavior. Why was I tired, grumpy, and now losing my temper? Because I’d stayed up later than I should have. There are all the excuses – I deserve some time for myself, I deserve to be able to relax, I haven’t stayed up late for myself in so long, on and on. Was it the worst thing in the world for me to stay up late and watch a movie for myself? No. Was it the worst thing in the world, the next day, to yell at my daughter because I was now grumpy? No, but it felt like it.

My choices had consequences.

There was no excuse for how I had lost my temper with my girls.

I kneeled down by Ivy in the corner. My extended rocking of Sage had calmed her so she was quiet for a moment. I spoke to Ivy calmly and slowly, “Ivy, I just got very frustrated. I’m sorry. I should not have yelled. Will you forgive me?”

Smile.

“Yes, Daddy.”

I continued to tell Ivy that I get frustrated when she doesn’t listen and throws food. I told her I love her so much. I asked her to please help me the best she could and I’d try to be better too.

I sat with Sage on the floor and rocked her to sleep. Ivy, seemingly a completely different child, sat at her table. She got her laptop (a little pink toy), and a stack of books. It was calm. I realized I hadn’t meditated yet, something I usually do first thing in the morning. I asked Ivy if it was OK if I closed my eyes, meditated, and took some deep breaths.

“Yes, Daddy.”

I set a timer, closed my eyes, prayed, and breathed for 10 minutes. When I opened my eyes, Ivy was quietly reading books at her table.

I am off the charts blessed with my two girls. I love them so much. They’re amazing. Ivy is such a good kid. She is strong, patient, kind, gentle (most of the time), and smart. Sage is in a bit of a difficult stage. You can tell she wants to crawl and move and do so much. But she is so happy, smiley, and bouncy. My two girls are amazing.

I’m grateful for them. I’m grateful for how they teach me to grow and be better. I’m grateful for their patience with me. That moment when Ivy said she forgave me, man… what a feeling of love. Not just my love for her, which is endless, but also her love for me, which is clearly unconditional.

This was another parent and life lesson. My choices have consequences. I can do dumb stuff like stay up late and watch a movie. But I CAN’T take it out on my girls in the morning because I didn’t get enough sleep and now I’m grumpy.

It’s OK not to get enough sleep. It’s OK to be grumpy. It’s even OK to lose my temper sometimes. It’s OK for me to struggle. But it’s not OK to not give them my absolute best. It’s not OK to make excuses why it’s OK for me to lose my temper and yell at them. That’s not OK. Every action has consequences. It’s not their fault that I stayed up late.

I love them so much.

This parenting thing is hard, rewarding, growth-inspiring. I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for every moment. The good and the bad. I love it. I love them. I love my family.

May 25, 2023